ashokbhatia

Inventors of the world need to quickly come up with a Poop Scoop which would work for humans. This would solve a messy problem which is driving governments all over the world a bit potty.

In third world countries, it is pretty common to find people defecating in the open. Any train passenger who has been adventurous enough to peep out of his window while the train is entering an urban settlement in the morning hours would readily attest to the same.

The Great Public Loo

Ask any of the defecators and he would be quick to point out the benefits of open air ablutions – minimal irritation to the olfactory organs, a gentle breeze soothing the hind quarters and the pleasure of a comforting smoke without the imminent danger of a secondary inhalation by any of the co-defecators. A very environment friendly and socially sustainable practice, he would say.

Push him a wee bit more and he is bound to come out with yet another justification. Well-heeled passengers of railways are permitted to litter the tracks all across the length and breadth of the country with smelly abandon. They enjoy this liberty irrespective of whether the train is stationary or moving over vast tracts of land and rivers, pious or otherwise. If so, why should his tribe of open defecators alone be singled out and reprimanded?

A Potty Dawn

Come morning time and vast stretches all over the country witness the unusual spectacle of human droppings, putting many a bird and beast to shame. Early morning joggers have already perfected the art of dodging such excrescence, thereby saving their precious branded footwear from getting soiled.

In the bye-lanes of small towns, toddlers can be easily spotted relieving themselves just outside the main door of their palatial houses, thereby saving their parents the hassle of suffering from an Undue Potty Syndrome.

Marketing honchos of companies making diapers and plastic potty contraptions would do well to target this segment in their next promotional blitzkrieg.

A Gratitude towards Mother Earth

Those of the two-legged Homo-sapiens who are far away from home and hearth find the vacant stretches of land abutting our swank new highways quite suitable for the purposes of fertilizing the soil. This is their way of expressing heart-felt gratitude towards Mother Earth.

In towns and market places, walls become an easy prey to such offerings, duly supported by the local civic authorities who ensure that our streets are poorly lit; if power is available, that is.

In most public spaces, denizens hardly need directions to the nearest rest room. Their keen sense of smell does not lead them astray. Their olfactory organs turn out to be better direction-finders than their GPS-enabled gizmos.

In many countries, democracy is taken pretty seriously. Quadrupeds of all sizes and shapes – whether bovine, canine, feline, or of any other kind – also believe that they have equal rights on public spaces. Since their lives invariably run as per the solar clock, they exercise their rights at any time of the day.

Bollywood Beats

Bollywood is not far behind in promoting the practice of open air urination and defecation. Showing a bunch of boys relieving themselves in an open space is no longer a taboo.

One of the protagonists in a recent flick (the inimitable Naseeruddin Shah in a particular scene in ‘Ishqia’) waxes eloquent over the sheer bliss of resorting to this ‘environment friendly’ practice.

However, there is some consolation that the heroine (Vidya Balan) subsequently supported a campaign by the Ministry of Sanitation and Rural Development of Government of India to promote an extensive drive towards toilet building.

Petty and Potty Problems

As we celebrate yet another World Toilet Day today (on the 19th of November), one hopes that the coming days would see a better focus on resolving this predicament of our modern lives.

Manufacturers of all kinds of sanitary products can pitch in and tackle this issue. Technocrats and scientists who are busy exploring the universe can come up with scoops designed to handle excreta of all hues and shapes.

Social scientists who keep discussing inane matters on our TV screens ad nauseam can plan for campaigns which are directed towards changing the mindset and attitudes of our citizens.

Movie directors can weave in clear messages denouncing the practice of open defecation in their future projects. Mayors of our cities can raise pig squads which would hopefully ensure that our streets are squeaky clean.

Politicians of all hues can stop wasting their energies in running down each other and highlighting petty problems; instead, they can address potty problems.

Mind over Matter  

The fact that we have more phones and TV sets than toilets goes on to show that, as a civilization, we accord a higher priority to matters of the mind than to those of the material body.

We are perhaps heading towards the next step of our human evolution into a species which would be far better endowed in terms of its intellectual capabilities!

(Related post: https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/the-monkey-business-in-india)

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