ashokbhatia

The Pear Pressure faced by CEOs

November 15, 2015 by ashokbhatia

CEOs lead a challenging life. Apart from making and meeting long-term business goals, they face a relentless pressure, living from one quarter to the next. Customers have to be handled with kid gloves. Suppliers have to be kept in good humour. People have to be kept motivated at all times. Interpersonal conflicts between team members have to be sorted out. A lonely life has to be lived.

Unlike their juniors who invariably face Peer Pressure, CEOs face Pear Pressure. Some call it signs of prosperity. Some refer to it as a Battle of the Bulge. Others label it as flab around the waist.

The Battle of the Bulge

A CEO in possession of a portly disposition projects an image of a soul which has finally attained salvation and has become a super-hero of the species generally alluded to as managers. Walk into any gathering of the top dogs across most professions and one would be convinced that bosses are generally more portly than their bossed-over managers.

The smarter the top boss, the more he is likely to make his team members run around achieving targets. In the process, the juniors end up getting flatter tummies, a much-coveted attribute. In turn, hard-working subordinates often end up making their bosses lazier, with the latter ending up with convex-shaped protrusions in their midriffs.

Over 1.9 billion adults worldwide are overweight. Of these, some 600 million are further classified as obese. How does this come about? Lack of exercise is said to be the main culprit. Stress is yet another. Genetic factors take a part of the blame. Long working hours leading to lesser workouts get blamed.

Of decision-making and waistlines

Recently, a study by Australian universities has ended up linking decision-making to higher Body Mass Index.

According to researchers, people whose work days require constant decision-making are at greater risk of expanded waistlines. Conversely, workers who exercise control by regularly applying their skills to their jobs — known as skill discretion — were found to have lower Body Mass Index and a smaller waist size.

In other words, the researchers conclude that it is skinny people who are most often good at what they do and enjoy using their skills. However, those who have the power to make decisions are distinctly wider around the middle.

This justifies the derisive term Fat Cats often used to refer to those who control the levers of business. Admittedly, larger waistlines are perhaps a consequence of the CEOs’ sedentary job requirements instead of being the reason for their elevation to decision-making levels.

Perhaps further studies may reveal that weighty decisions need personal countervailing ballast in order to be balanced. It sounds as if power ends up making business leaders more expansive.

Beyond the Peter Principle

Concerned CEOs may wish further research to be designed in such a way as to establish the veracity of some principles of the following kind:

1. A manager’s waistline is directly proportional to his position in any decision-making hierarchy.

2. According to the Peter Principle, in any organization, employees rise to their level of incompetence. Further studies could confirm if their rise is also linked to the propensity of their bodies to achieve the maximum girth permitted by their constitution.

3. Depending upon their Body Mass Index and the waistline, successful CEOs could be classified into three categories.
Potato CEOs: Those who have dazzled with their performance in the good old days. They have outgrown the stage of feeling Pear Pressure.
Pear CEOs: Those who are currently guiding teams and delivering reasonably good results. The hapless souls are yet to come to terms with their pear-shaped midriffs.
Banana CEOs: Those who are good at planning as well as execution. They aspire to attain the status of Peer CEOs, without their bariatric blues.

4. For Potato CEOs, Pear CEOs are objects of envy. Likewise, Pear CEOs, howsoever reassured they might sound, secretly aspire to be like Banana CEOs, with concave-shaped bellies.

5. A hypothesis that can be put to test would be if the rate of rise in a hierarchy determines the rate of increase in waistlines.

6. All these propositions need to be cross-validated across different cultures and societies.

Such studies would enrich the science of Hierarchiology. These would be highly useful for head hunters as well as for Human Resource professionals. The insights gained thus would enable managers of all sizes and shapes to improve their quality of life.

Pear Pressure in organizations

Ironically, what is true of individual CEOs is also true of organizations.

The very successful and dynamic ones indulge in frequent bariatric surgeries and ensure that their midriffs remain under strict control. They are acutely aware of Pear Pressure and have checks and balances in place to avoid carrying excessive flab.

The mediocre ones end up accumulating flab in the middle. At every success, they end up hiring more people than is necessary. At every failure, they undergo a liposuction procedure. They have learnt the art of managing Pear Pressure.

The not-so-successful organizations have the highest Body Mass Index. They are replete with massive layers in their hierarchies. Their processes are bogged down with archaic procedures. Most public sector undertakings are shining examples of this kind.

This is THE challenge all CEOs need to fight single-handedly. They have to wage a relentless war on adipose tissue of all kinds. Unless they decide to take the matter in their own hands, literally as well as metaphorically, the excess belly fat – whether on their own personas or in their organizations – would refuse to melt away.

(Reference: http://www.theweek.in/news/sci-tech/how-your-job-could-be-influencing-your-waistline-study.html)

Posted in Management Lessons | Tagged BMI, CEO, Decision Making, Humour, Management, Obesity, Peter Principle | 1 Comment »

Bollywood Legends: Geeta Dutt

November 13, 2015 by ashokbhatia

For those who love songs from Bollywood, the versatile singing talent of the late Geeta Dutt is remembered very fondly to this day. Here is an article from Mr Raj Kanwar, an India-based author, freelance journalist and music lover.

A Singer called ‘Geeta’

Geeta Dutt and her versatile voice are remembered on her death anniversary, which was on July 20.

When Geeta Dutt (née Roy) sang, ‘Yaad karoge, yaad karoge, ik din humko yaad karoge’ in ‘Do Bhai’ in 1947, she had not imagined how prophetic the lyrics by Raja Mehdi Ali Khan would turn out to be. Today, 68 years after that song had captured the imagination of music lovers and 43 years since her death in 1972, three generations of her die-hard fans still fondly remember her and her melodious voice continues to mesmerise them. Her 43 death anniversary was observed on July 20.

The music of ‘Do Bhai’ with another of Geeta’s song, ‘Mera sundar sapna beet gaya,’ topping the charts, was a hit, and the movie became the second highest grosser at the box office in 1947.

It was virtually Geeta’s first movie, and the countrywide popularity of her songs made the teenager’s nascent career leap overnight to another dimension. Her popularity scaled newer heights in 1948 and 1949, eclipsing Shamshad Begum and Raj Kumari, who then ruled the roost. She became every director’s choice and the reigning diva.

Then suddenly, she found her supremacy being challenged by another teenager, Lata Mangeshkar. Lata had scored a unique hat-trick in 1949 with three mega-hits in ‘Mahal,’ ‘Andaz’ and ‘Barsaat.’ Naushad’s lilting music in Mehboob Khan’s ‘Andaaz’ and Khemchand Prakash’s soulful songs in Kamal Amrohi’s ‘Mahal,’ enthralled listeners. However, it was in Raj Kapoor’s ‘Barsaat,’ with amazing music by the new duo Shankar-Jaikishan, that Lata demonstrated new facets of her talent. She emerged as the new singing sensation, and Geeta found herself relegated to the second position. Nevertheless, Geeta managed to hold her own.

In fact, 1950 turned out to be the most productive year for Geeta, during which she recorded more songs than in the previous year. In ‘Jogan,’ she sang six of Meerabai’s devotional bhajans. ‘Mat jaa mat jaa jogi,’ ‘Main to Giridhar ke ghar jaaoon,’ ‘Eri main to prem diwani’ and the most popular one, ‘Ghunghat ke pat khol’ that captivated the devout. That year, she sang for several reputed music composers as well, such as S.D. Burman, Avinash Vyas, Bulo C. Rani, Chitragupta, Ghulam Mohammed, Khayyam, Hansraj Behl, Khemchand Prakash, Husnlal Bhagatram, SN Tripathi and Vasant Desai.

Then Guru Dutt happened in 1951. Dev Anand’s ‘Baazi’ was his directorial debut. It was on its sets that Geeta and Guru met and fell in love. They married in May, 1953. They spent the first three years blissfully. Their first son Tarun came in 1954 and the next, Arun, in 1956.

Ironically, Dutt’s entry into her life became both a blessing and a curse. A blessing, as Geeta’s career blossomed and she sang some of the most lilting songs in movies such as ‘Aar Paar’ (1954) and ‘Mr. and Mrs. 55’ (1955). Both were huge hits. Coquettish songs such as ‘Ye lo main haari piya’, ‘Jaa jaa jaa bewafa’ and ‘Babu ji dheere chalna’ became chartbusters.

Other singers, such as Lata, were as good if not better, but Geeta’s singing possessed an ethereal charm; she sang from the heart. At one moment, she would sing a devotional song and the next, she would switch over to a catchy ‘Mera naam chin chin chu,’ and then to a seductive number, ‘Tadbir se bigdi hui taqdeer bana de.’ There was no end to her versatility.

“A soft spoken woman in real life, she would metamorphose into an exotic cabaret performer with clever modulation of voice in the recording studio. Her voice was rich, vibrant and well-toned and could switch from exotica to melancholy in a matter of minutes,” says Shikha Biswas Vohra, daughter of the veteran composer, Anil Biswas.

Both Geeta and Guru were temperamental, sensitive and emotionally fragile. Geeta as a top playback singer in 1953 made more money than Guru Dutt, who was struggling to make his mark as a director. A few busybodies insinuated that Dutt had married Geeta for money. That hurt Guru no end and he asked her to sing only for his movies. Some brushed aside these insinuations. “Guru Dutt belonged to the type for whom money meant nothing; it was only a commodity to trade dreams with,” comments Amit Biswas who, as a child, used to play with Tarun and Arun in their beautiful bungalow on top of Pali Hill.

Guru was a strict disciplinarian on the sets, but was the opposite in personal life; he was a chain smoker and drank a lot. Though ostensibly they continued to live together, they had started drifting apart. In the midst of this marital turmoil, Guru Dutt introduced a newcomer, Waheeda Rehman in his movie ‘C.I.D.’ in 1956. Rumours of Guru’s affair with Waheeda distressed Geeta. She ignored rehearsals and recordings, neglected her riyaz and took to drinking. Both began neglecting their respective careers. Then Guru Dutt faced heavy financial loss with ‘Kaagaz ke Phool.’

Amid the personal problems was born their third child, Nina, in 1962. Two years later, on October 10, 1964, Guru Dutt allegedly committed suicide. His death shattered Geeta. Then followed the years of financial hardship.

It was out of compulsion that she took up singing again in Basu Bhattacharya’s ‘Anubhav.’ Music was by Kanu Roy and lyrics by Gulzar. She sang three memorable songs, ‘Meri jaan mujhe jaan na kaho,’ ‘Koi chupke se aake’ and ‘Mera dil jo mera hota.’ It was remarkable that Geeta, despite a gap of a few years, had not lost the verve and vivacity of old.

She loved her children. “She was an extrovert and a fun-loving person. I remember the good times we had; at a moment’s notice Mummy would say, ‘Come on, let’s go for a picnic,’ and we would pack up and leave. She loved having people around, our friends used to stay over and she would cook and look after everyone. She loved doing that,” Arun had said about his mother.

But she continued to drink, which eventually took its toll and she died on July 20, 1972, of cirrhosis of the liver. She was only 42.

Notes:

The writer Mr Raj Kanwar can be reached at rkanwar_in@yahoo.co.uk.
This article of his appeared in The Hindu. Here is the link: http://www.thehindu.com/features/friday-review/music/remembering-geeta-dutt-on-her-death-anniversary/article7456125.ece
Permission from the author to re-publish it here is gratefully acknowledged.
Related Post: https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/09/10/bollywood-legends-talat-mahmood

Posted in The Magic of Movies! | Tagged Bollywood, Geeta Dutt, Movies, Playback Singers, Raj Kanwar | 12 Comments »

Psmith in Pseattle: our little paradise

November 10, 2015 by ashokbhatia

If you missed being with Psmith in Pseattle, do not worry. Here is a quick recap of the revelries which ensued. Honoria Glossop recounts her escapade with some juicy details in this post of hers.

Her speech on the psychology of the Plum reader, ostensibly delivered after she had gulped down a jugful of the right stuff, was received with much enthusiasm.

Soak in the sunny details!

Plumtopia

What Ho, old beans!

Last week I attended an excellent binge at The Wodehouse Society’s (TWS) 18th convention, Psmith in Pseattle. It was my first TWS convention, and even more psensational than anticipated. So, climb upon my knee, Sonny Boy, and I’ll tell you about it.

Introductions
As a TWS first timer, I entered the lobby of the impressive Fairmont Olympic Hotel under a cloud –not one of Seattle’s famous v-shaped depressions, but a personal one. Having lived almost exclusively behind a keyboard for the last few years, my people skills are not what they once were. Nor are my trousers, which are let out far more often than I am. So it’s fair to say I was not at my confident best, and beginning to wish I’d stayed under my little rock in Somerset UK. Added to this, I had recklessly agreed to appear as a speaker and…

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Posted in What ho! | Tagged P G Wodehouse, Plumtopia, Psmith | Leave a Comment »

Let the celebrations begin!

November 7, 2015 by ashokbhatia

The festival season is already upon us, yet again. Those in the Western world are gearing up for celebrating Christmas and New Year. Those in such emerging economies as India are already in the midst of a shopping frenzy, having kick-started the season with Raksha Bandhan, Janamashtami, Ganesh Chaturthi, Durga Puja, Vijayadashmi and Muharram.

They now eagerly look forward to celebrating Guru Nanak Dev’s birthday, Diwali, the festival of lights, and Eid. These would be followed by Christmas, just before the New Year rings in, bringing in its wake Pongal, celebrated in the southern parts and Makar Sankranti, celebrated in the northern parts of India.

Come festive season and a new spirit seems, every year, to cast its spell over the entire community. A spirit of outwardly cheerfulness and goodwill prevails. Fresh rays of hope penetrate through the dense clouds of gloom. Concerns of eking out a living fade away, giving way to a transient resurgence of happiness. Relationships get nurtured afresh. Networking concerns reign supreme.

Much before the actual festival, a tornado of gigantic preparations hits the unsuspecting populace. Hectic preparations get made. Almost all segments of the community experience a rush which sends the adrenaline shooting up to stratospheric heights. Many bemoan the fact that there is so much work to do that there is hardly any time left to, well, celebrate!

Some corporate sparklers

The CEOs in companies can be seen burning the midnight oil to scrutinize the list of VIPs and friends who deserve to be gifted this year, ostensibly in proportion to their Helpfulness Quotient to the company they work for. Hapless managers can be seen working late hours in warehouses and super markets, collecting either samples or bulk deliveries of the goods to be ferried to the offices and residences of the high and mighty.

HR honchos are busy trying to freeze their festival bonus negotiations. Finance wizards are scratching their heads, trying to dig up deep resources for the upcoming heavy strain on their company’s accounts. Marketing experts are busy ensuring that all promotional campaigns run with clockwork precision, and that distributors’ payments are rolling in at the same speed at which the goods are flying off the shelves. Hassled production guys are praying for the festive rush to get over so they might be able to return to their home and hearth, sit by the fireplace and spend some quality time with their families.

Inwardly, lesser mortals twiddle their thumbs trying to figure out how to manage the finances for buying new clothes, sweets, gifts, crackers and decorative items which go along with the festivities. Much time and effort is spent in ensuring that their bosses – whether at home or at the place of work – are not left behind with a sour taste in the mouth after the festivities get over and the last of the sweets have been shoved down the hatch.

The retail fireworks

Those still in the business of brick-and-mortar retail continue to have sleepless nights. Stocking the right goods, replenishing stocks at the speed of Light and changing the window displays thrice in a day are only some of the challenges they have to cope with.

Owners of shopping malls chew their nails trying to figure out which happening brand to bring in next year so as to arrest the downward spiral of customer footfalls.

As e-retailers become more aggressive, hefty discounts allure the lay customer. Courier companies make hay while the festive sun shines. Telecom companies register abnormal jumps in their revenues. Career prospects of delivery boys and girls brighten up. The economy gets a solid boost, cheering the politicians who claim absolute credit for better days having finally arrived for the hoi polloi.

In traditional communities, the festival of Diwali cannot be consummated unless some yellow metal is bought afresh. Bullion traders, designers, jewelers and craftsmen work round the clock and laugh all the way to their respective banks.

A positive spin on the news of the day

Those who devour their daily newspaper with much relish, a cup of steaming hot tea by their sides, are a happier lot these days.

News of a depressing kind – terror, violence, murder, rape, vindictive politics – is relegated to the background. Instead, full-page advertisements and pull-outs featuring scantily dressed models enticing them to own the latest smart phones, electrical appliances, cars, furniture, clothes, jewellery, pickles and such other items greet them upfront.

An alien being passing by our planet these days, were she to come across some of the enticements on offer, could be excused for believing that she has finally landed in Heaven!

The frowning calorie-counters

At festive times, managers face a different genre of pressure – not the ‘peer’ kind but that of the ‘pear’ kind. Since no celebration is complete without their gorging on an assortment of delectable sweets and cakes, not to mention their having to guzzle down a wide range of tissue restoratives, the fitness freaks amongst them are a worried lot.

Calorie-conscious denizens are revisiting their exercise related pious intentions stated in their last New Year’s resolutions. Larsen Exercises popularized by Ashe Marson are being looked up on Google. Gym memberships are hard to come by. Sales of physical fitness equipments zoom.

Some models which fail

Minor employees of shops, departmental stores and other nests peddling their goods and services smile invitingly when approached by customers. Lured by hefty but deceptive discounts, the latter shop to their heart’s content. In supermarket aisles, it is common to see hassled husbands hidden behind a tower of shiny gift packets dutifully following their wives to the nearest billing counter. Lobby managers in hotels and restaurants can be seen perspiring, trying to manage the queue of weary shoppers pouring in.

Those in the transportation business have no moment to spare either. Since everyone wants to travel to some place or the other, even the best of linear programming models and queuing theories fail to provide succour to a professionally trained manager desperately trying to satisfy her customers.

Thrifty homemakers

What happens to all the festival presents? This is a question which has long vexed thinking Homo sapiens. Every year, a tsunami of incredibly useless junk bursts upon our civilization. Experts in Sustainable Development advocate drawing recycling lessons from many of our religious outfits which permit the same invocatory items to be sold and resold to gullible devotees, till the process of natural decay or irreparable damage takes over.

Thrifty homemakers rummage through their cupboards to pull out gifts received from others during the year. Skills in polishing leather, silver and brass items help them to burnish their own brand value. Experts at repackaging the same for another set of beneficiaries, their shopping is merely confined to glistening gift wrapping papers, shiny ribbons and cute little cards which must carry the name of the gift-giver more prominently than that of the clueless gift-receiver.

If they happen to possess qualities of humaneness and genuine love, they gift items which can be recycled by the unsuspecting recipients next year round. The risk, of course is for them to receive the same item back a few years down the road.

Members of the rag-picking tribe do a wonderful job – that of picking up the junk discarded by haughty recipients and handing it back to retail chains which are happy to recycle the stuff at the next festival that comes bounding up.

It stands to reason that the tribes which manufacture and distribute such items strongly resent such practices.

Sulking youngsters

The young brats who cause many a doting parent to wonder if the decision to bear a progeny was indeed a wise one can be seen sitting in a dark corner with a sullen expression on their faces.

Santa Claus appears to have neglected them. Their friends have procured the latest range of crackers – a feat which their father has not been able to accomplish. The i-Phone or the tablet they were hoping to get by way of a gift is nowhere in sight. Instead, they have been dumped with some creaky plastic toy which has long since gone out of fashion. An uncle who has popped up from a distant land has merely brought a digital time clock so they may get up in time to catch the school bus.

Surely, all this does not deserve the old-time gratitude, warmth and sincerity which even a chocolate bar used to merit a few years back. The Yuletide spirit is singularly absent.

Raising the level of intellect

Some shop for books to be gifted. Shiny volumes of Shakespeare, Tennyson or Wordsworth get chosen for the elderly. Neatly packed omnibus editions of Omar Khayyam, P G Wodehouse, Khalil Gibran and Rabindranath Tagore get selected for the young-at-heart. Shimmering publications in the Harry Potter series fly off the warehouse shelves, delighting old and young alike.

All these activities generate much-desired revenue for a number of writers who refuse to abandon the proverbial pen and keep churning out stuff which gets devoured only by a select group of their fans. Employers who have been deprived of their services breathe easy, having been spared the torture of hiring and firing absent-minded writers who would have otherwise messed up quite a few things in their company’s operations.

Publishers who are still in the conventional mould rely on the festive season to help them to get rid of several non-moving worst-seller tomes which they have published during the past few months, merely to oblige their spouses’ relations.

Of e-greetings

Thanks to advancements in technology, the tedious task of selecting shiny greeting cards, signing them individually and then ensuring that the same get posted well within time to the right addresses of the intended recipients has got simplified. The omnipresent Internet ensures that common relatives and friends can get greeted with effortless ease over mails, social media or applications like WhatsApp.

Invoking the Guardian Angel

The manner in which we view our festivals depends on the phase of the life we are in.

For a homemaker bringing up irrepressible kids in a joint family, there is no time to brood over such matters. She can be seen hurriedly pulling out all the grandma’s recipes so as to effectively compete with Anatole and get praised by her family as ‘God’s gift for the gastric juices’. The so-called Lord and Master of the household can be seen scouring the markets for the best deal possible for gifts to be procured.

A quieter soul like that of Bertie Wooster might wish to skip all the buzz and plan to instead go off on a retreat and enjoy a few weeks of rest and repose. A country cottage built along the lines of Wee Nooke would get booked. Arrangements would be made to ensure that Edwin the Boy Scout is not around. All supplies of paraffin would be cleverly concealed. While Jeeves would ensure a steady supply of soluble piscine vitamins, Bertie would invoke his Guardian Angel and practice on his banjeole. His batteries would then be fully charged up for the big bash lined up at Drones on the eve of Christmas.

An elderly person in the mould of Lord Emsworth might just continue to potter around the sprawling gardens at Blandings Castle and wonder if there a way to stay aloof from all the commercial jazz. Instead, he might simply prefer to find a quiet meditative spot in the moss-covered yew alley, get connected to the higher power which any particular festival is supposed to invoke, and pray for an all-in-one package to be granted: For the Empress to remain in the pink of health, for the Hon. Frederick Threepwood to remain preoccupied with the promotion of Donaldson’s Dog-Biscuits in distant lands, and for Lady Constance to remain off his abode for a long time to come.

Peace would prevail. God would be in heaven. All would be well with the world. Real celebrations can then begin!

Posted in What ho! | Tagged Bertie Wooster, Christmas, Diwali, Festivals, Lord Emsworth, P G Wodehouse | 10 Comments »

Eating like P. G. Wodehouse – the ultimate Anatole menu from The Code of the Woosters

November 4, 2015 by ashokbhatia

Think of those lavish spreads of Anatole’s and the mouth waters. Mere description of the dishes dished out by the “God’s gift to our gastric juices” makes us drool.

Even though the names of the dishes sound enticing, not many of us pause to think of the ingredients.

Take a saunter down Moulder’s Lane and you will find each of the dishes de-mystified. This delectable post would not only whet your appetite but also make you wonder at the investigative skills of the authoress who could perhaps pose a danger to the career prospects of Sherlock Holmes.

Bon appetit!

Statutory Warning: Partaking of all the dishes mentioned herein in one go could upset your calorie counts. The lining of your stomach could register a protest. Restraint is advised.

(Illustration courtesy www)

(Related posts:

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2014/10/30/of-bertie-goofy-females-and-the-wooster-clan

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2014/10/15/an-invitation-for-the-residents-of-plumsville

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2023/05/29/when-anatole-goes-off-to-pondicherry-india)

Moulders Lane

After an amusing discussion at Baker’s Daughter blog on food in books and eating the Enid Blyton way, and a prompt from that witty Wodehouse fan the Old Reliable Ashokbhatia, I have polished up my A level French and scoured the internet to bring you this Wodehousian feast. Aficianados will recall it is the menu put together by Bertie in The Code of the Woosters after he anticipates being jugged in lieu of Aunt Dahlia:

‘Bertie! Do you mean this?’
‘I should say so. What’s a mere thirty days in the second division? A bagatelle. I can do it on my head. Let Bassett do his worst. And, ‘ I added in a softer voice, ‘ when my time is up and I come out into the world once more a free man, let Anatole do his best. A month of bread and water or skilly or whatever they…

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Posted in What ho! | Tagged Anatole, Aunt Dahlia, Bertie Wooster, P G Wodehouse | 4 Comments »

Of secretaries and the inimitable Miss Fonseca

November 1, 2015 by ashokbhatia

Once upon a time, behind every successful senior manager or CEO, there used to be a secretary. Without a secretary fussing over them, the best of bosses would collapse. Their performance ratings would drop. Meetings, appointments, conference calls, travel plans, grapevine management, appointments, appraisals, promotions – there was virtually no activity in a company which fell outside the circle of influence of this omniscient and omnipotent tribe. Lesser mortals would invariably strive to always remain in the good books of the members of this species.

Over time, this species appears to have joined the ranks of such endangered ones as those of tigers, rhinos and panthers. The smart ones have managed to get kicked upwards and have assumed operational roles. The not-so-smart ones have gravitated towards the unalloyed bliss of handling some mundane chores. The dull ones have simply been asked to pack their bags and seek greener pastures elsewhere.

If there is any evidence of actionable sustainability for the secretarial species of our corporate world, it comes in the form of writers, illustrators and cartoonists. Writers like P G Wodehouse have envisioned characters in the secretarial mould. The Goofiness Quotient of such characters continues to give millions of fans the hope that the imprints of this tribe on the sands of time never get washed away. Eminent artists like R K Laxman and Mario Miranda have breathed visual life into the members of this species. This has ensured that they continue to remain enshrined in our collective psyche for posterity.

Some Plum Secretaries

In the works of P G Wodehouse, we come across Rupert Baxter, the efficient secretary of Lord Emsworth. When at Blandings Castle, we also run into the suave Rupert Psmith and the conscientious Eve Halliday. When in the company of Lord Marshmoreton, we meet Alice Faraday. Julia Ukridge has a secretary by the name of Dora Mason. Aunt Agatha’s plans to get Bertie Wooster to take up the role of a secretary to the Cabinet Minister, A. B. Filmer, get thwarted by the acts of an angry swan.

Detailed profiles of these characters, as well as their juicy escapades, deserve a closer scrutiny in a future post.

Miss Fonseca: A Weapon of Mass Distraction

To Mario Miranda goes the credit of having etched out a truly memorable character in his works. Who can forget the buxom but woolly-headed Miss Fonseca? Besides being a Weapon of Mass Distraction, her job is full of challenges. She has to make sense out of whatever The Boss mumbles in the course of dictating a letter. She has to re-do letters all the times, because The Boss keeps changing his mind with each draft that she prepares.

Every time she crosses her legs, The Boss gets distracted. There are times when her presence in the office becomes a hindrance to work. The poor soul is expected to manage all kinds of advances, irrespective of the hierarchical level of the predator on prowl. She has to take some inappropriate comments in her stride. She has to handle obnoxious calls from the Income Tax department. She even has to face an irate spouse of The Boss.

Here are a few snippets from the portfolio of Mario Miranda which continue to amuse, entertain and educate all managers.

The perils of having a secretary

Here are two cartoons of the master of the art, R K Laxman. These demonstrate that even The Boss faces challenges in having a secretary around. If he takes one home, he is doomed. If he ends up marrying one, he suffers all the more.

Much like dinosaurs, which got wiped out from the face of our planet, the tribe of secretaries has also got all but banished from the office space. However, it would be wrong to surmise that this species has become completely extinct in the corporate planet most managers inhabit. Advent of technology, changes in managerial styles and flatter hierarchies have merely made secretaries a rare breed. Those who have re-invented their portfolios have attained the next evolutionary stage of either an Executive Assistant or an Officer on Special Duty. Others have simply got ‘promoted’, what with the luxury of having a secretary moving upwards, to the higher echelons of an organization.

Thanks to such literary and artistic geniuses like P G Wodehouse, R K Laxman and Mario Miranda, to name only a few, secretaries shall never get wiped out as a species. Through their sparkling wit and humour, they shall live in our minds forever.

(Sources:

-Mario’s Best Cartoons, Book I, ISBN 978-81-901830-6-2, gifted to yours truly by a thoughtful friend based at Goa in India

-The Management of Management by R K Laxman, ISBN 81-7094-497-X)

(Related Posts:

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/10/28/some-management-lessons-from-mario-miranda

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/the-inimitable-r-k-laxman)

Posted in What ho! | Tagged Cartoons, Humour, Mario MIranda, Miss Fonseca, Office secretaries, P G Wodehouse, R K Laxman, Secretaries | 5 Comments »

Some management lessons from Mario Miranda

October 28, 2015 by ashokbhatia

CEOs and managers wanting to puncture the stress bubble these days have several options. Some can head to the nearest gym and burn away those blues. Some can simply switch off their technical gizmos and spend some quality time with their loved ones. Some can start learning yoga and meditation. Some can choose to put off the lights at home, put on some soothing music and relish their favourite tissue restorative, sans any distraction.

Others can pick up any work of P G Wodehouse or Terry Pratchett and recharge their batteries. Or, they can look up the delightful work of such eminent cartoonists as R K Laxman and Mario Miranda, both of whom have looked at managerial situations with the lens of sparkling wit and humour.

In Mario Miranda’s cartoons and illustrations, we come across the buxom but woolly headed secretary, Miss Fonseca. We also get to meet Mr. Godbole, the diffident and spineless manager, who is placed rather high in the hierarchy of goofy characters. And yes, no office scenario can be complete without a stiff-upper-lip superior, The Boss. He is the Lord and Master of all that he surveys.

Here is a delectable sample of some of Mario Miranda’s great work. Each one has an in-built lesson for a manager, whether an aspiring one or a practising one!

Not in a mood to work today? Think of an ingenious excuse to leave early. Or, just make a dash for it, hoping you remain invisible to The Boss.

For those who have just joined the company, it is useful to interact with some old hands. They could explain the finer points of the company’s leave policy.
When hiring people, it is useful to enquire about their sleep patterns. This ensures that when an employee is taking a power nap, The Boss’ blood pressure remains under control.

Wish to report sick? Better seek advance permission from The Boss!

The Boss’ reputation travels far and wide. Those wanting to gate-crash into his office invariably use it to their advantage.

Bosses can be forgiven for their blind spots. No office can run without those who have become a part of the landscape.

For blue-blooded bureaucrats, documentary evidence reigns supreme.

Employees often crawl into their place of work. Invariably, they run back home. Customers who happen to walk in at Closing Time get treated with as much derision as they deserve.

When selecting people, The Boss knows the importance of body language.

Just joined a company? Befriend someone who can give you the inner dope on all colleagues.

One way to keep The Boss happy is to allow him to refuse your request for a raise.

Yet another way to make The Boss laugh is to ask him for a raise!

When a raise does come about, smart managers make sure they pay their obeisance to The Boss at regular intervals.

Reporting late for work? Think of a brand new excuse so as to escape The Boss’ wrath.

The Bosses always believe that physical activity of an employee is directly proportional to his/her real output at work.

Mario Miranda’s cartoons not only entertain but also educate. To a stressed out manager, these are a ready means of chasing away those blues, much like a work of P G Wodehouse. To Plum fans, Miss Fonseca might sound like Madeline Bassett. Mr Godbole, the average Joe, may appear to be configured along the lines of Bertie Wooster, without the brainy support of Jeeves. The Boss might sound as if he is built along the lines of Sir Watkyn Bassett.

To aspiring managers, Mario Miranda’s cartoons offer unique insights into how companies function. They have a chance to learn how to navigate their way through the maze of management policies and practices, many of which are never covered in voluminous manuals and in Standard Operating Procedures of large conglomerates.

(Source: Mario’s Best Cartoons, Book I, ISBN 978-81-901830-6-2, gifted to yours truly by a thoughtful friend based at Goa in India)

(Related Posts:

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/11/01/of-secretaries-and-the-inimitable-miss-fonseca

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/the-inimitable-r-k-laxman)

Posted in Management Lessons | Tagged Cartoons, Humour, Management, Mario MIranda, P G Wodehouse, R K Laxman | 10 Comments »

Of Writers and their Blocks

October 23, 2015 by ashokbhatia

While taking a leisurely stroll through the sunlit streets of Plumsville, lined on both sides with trees offering low-hanging ripe mangoes of unalloyed mirth, we come across quite a few authors, editors and publishers.

We get to meet Florence Craye, the famous author of ‘Spindrift’. We run into Oliver Randolph ‘Sippy’ Sipperley, the aspiring author. Gwendolen Moon, the poetess, crosses the street in front of us. George Webster ‘Boko’ Fittleworth bumps into us at the next corner. Smooth Lizzie, a poetess in whom critics might be disappointed, flashes past us in her two-seater. Even Bertie Wooster, our favourite hero, can be seen rushing to the offices of Milady’s Boudoir, possibly to submit his piece on ‘What the Well-Dressed Man is Wearing’.

Daphne Dolores Morehead can be seen headed somewhere in a hurry. Rosie M. Banks can be seen rushing to her humble abode, just to check if Bingo Junior’s bank passbook has finally got updated with the tenner handed over to her loving husband some time back. Bingo Little, himself an editor of Wee Tots, can be seen trying to touch Oofy Prosser for a tenner, so the loss may be made up before her loving wife discovers it. Lord Tilbury, the famous publisher, may get noticed rushing off in a disguise, ostensibly to avoid any manuscripts being hurled at him by aspiring authors from the windows of a passing bus.

A transient state of mental menopause

Though we happen to know most of the authors, writers, poets and poetesses mentioned above, we have no clue as to how they keep whipping up juicy as well as not-so-juicy stuff for their public. We empathize with their feelings of despondency and gloom if they pass a single day without writing at least five hundred odd words. But we continue to be clueless if they ever encounter the dreadful condition described by those in the writing trade as a Writer’s Block. Given the challenges they face in their mundane lives, they would surely be facing a transient state of mental menopause, as it were, at some point in time or the other. But they hide such perils of their profession well.

With one exception – that of Ashe Marson, the hero of Something Fresh. In his case, we get a sneak peek into the kind of conditions which can leave a writer’s sensitive soul all of a twitter, facing a condition which stupefies the brain. The flow of ideas gets blocked. The words no longer pour out, much like a public water tap which goes dry without a warning in a city in one of the emerging economies of the world.

Ashe Marson and the Wand of Death

Residents of Plumsville are aware that Ashe keeps the wolves at bay by dishing out the adventures of Gridley Quayle, Investigator, which are so popular with a certain section of the reading public. He is also known to be a regular when it comes to performing Larsen Exercises in public spaces, having become immune to the no-longer-curious glances of the proprietors of Hotels Mathis and Previtali, few cabmen, some chambermaids and even a cat. Physical fitness is his gospel.

But one morning, he gets laughed at by a girl on a first floor balcony. Ashe gets beaten. On this particular day, this one scoffer, alone and unaided, is sufficient for his undoing. The depression, which his exercise regimen had begun to dispel, surges back on him. He has no heart to continue. Sadly gathering up his belongings, he returns to his room, and finds even a cold bath tame and uninspiring.

The breakfast, comprising a disheveled fried egg, some charred bacon and a cup of chicory which is euphemistically called coffee, aggravates the grip of misery. And when he forces himself to his writing-table, and begins to try to concoct the latest of the adventures of Gridley Quayle, Investigator, his spirit groans within him. He rumples his hair and gnaws his pen. He looks blankly for half an hour in front of a sheet of paper bearing the words: “The Adventure of the Wand of Death,” and tries to decide what a wand of death might be.

This is how Wodehouse describes the inner thoughts of his hero:

It was with the sullen repulsion of a vegetarian who finds a caterpillar in his salad that he now sat glaring at them.

The title had seemed so promising overnight–so full of strenuous possibilities. It was still speciously attractive; but now that the moment had arrived for writing the story its flaws became manifest.

What was a wand of death? It sounded good; but, coming down to hard facts, what was it? You cannot write a story about a wand of death without knowing what a wand of death is; and, conversely, if you have thought of such a splendid title you cannot jettison it offhand.

An interruption makes him feel all the more disoriented. However, the intruder happens to be the heroine, Joan Valentine. She de-mystifies the Wand of Death for him thus:

“Why, of course; it’s the sacred ebony stick stolen from the Indian temple, which is supposed to bring death to whoever possesses it. The hero gets hold of it, and the priests dog him and send him threatening messages.
What else could it be?”

Ashe gets back on track!

This is how poor Betty suffers one

So widespread is the silent epidemic of Writer’s Block that even such popular series as Archie Comics has been forced to accord recognition to it once in a while.

Take the case of poor Betty. She has unique qualities of head and heart. However, given her unselfish and helpful nature, she ends up hitting a Writer’s Block. The milk of human kindness sloshing about within her proves to be her undoing. In one episode of these popular comics, she runs quite a few errands. By the time she can please everyone else and hit her typewriter to start pouring out her ideas onto some sheets of paper, the brain refuses to fire even on a single cylinder.

Even the high and mighty suffer

Present day authors and bloggers can derive some solace from the fact that some of the greatest writers in literature — Leo Tolstoy, Virginia Woolf, Katherine Mansfield, Joseph Conrad, Ernest Hemingway — were tormented by momentary lapses in their ability to dish out some juicy text or the other.

The sensitive souls that authors are, they are apt to be influenced and distracted by external occurrences. But come to think of it, it is their jaundiced view of such occurrences alone that provides them the fodder for their literary produce.

Imagine an author like P G Wodehouse sitting lonely in a dense forest, trying to come up with some escapades of Bertie Wooster and Jeeves. With only a couple of birds and monkeys for company, he is likely to return home in the evening with some blank sheets.

He undoubtedly needs his quiet space. But he also gets in the bargain several distractions. Ethel pottering about in the kitchen. Pets who relish the joys of walking the ramp over some typewritten sheets lying on the floor. A maid who will come in just as he is brooding on his next Hollywood script. A surprise visit by a government official. A postman who brings in some fan mail.

Distractions all, yes. Leading to a Writer’s Block once in a while, yes. But each one is perhaps also an opportunity for him to view a mundane occurrence afresh, with a new perspective. Traits of each real-life person providing him the finer details of some fictional characters he is writing about.

Keeping the milk of human kindness from spilling over

Authors need an eco-system which enables them to strike a judicious balance between their off-society times of solitude and their open-for-interaction times. Successful ones perhaps perfect the art of walking this tight-rope. They make sure they do not exercise in public spaces. They get fed well. They do not get interrupted when they are in their quiet corner, dishing out the adventures of an investigator liked by their publishers and readers. Unlike Betty, they keep their milk of human kindness from spilling over to their grey cells. Their passion for writing keeps them more focused on their journey of creative expression.

Suffering from a Writer’s Block these days? Fret not. Some unique insight is bound to pop up in your mind soon enough. Perhaps, a Joan Valentine is about to walk in and talk about the Indian connection of the mysterious Wand of Death, thereby spurring you on to dizzying heights of creativity!

(Notes:

Images of Writer’s Block and Something Fresh courtesy www.
Archie source: Issue No. 221, Episode titled ‘Betty in the Write Mood‘)

Posted in What ho! | Tagged Archie Comics, Ashe Marson, Betty, Blogging, Joan Valentine, P G Wodehouse, Something Fresh, Writer's Block, Writing | 9 Comments »

How about promoting Election Tourism?

October 18, 2015 by ashokbhatia

World over, one activity which keeps ordinary citizens delightfully preoccupied is that of exercising their right to choose the government they deserve. Travel to any continent, and one is apt to find a set of either countries or states which have either held an election, or are gearing up for the same.

Indians had their share of the fun in 2014 itself. Citizens of Zambia and Italy enjoyed casting a vote earlier this year. So did the denizens of Israel, UK, Poland, Mexico, Turkey and Singapore. Those who live in Portugal have just cast their votes. The ones who inhabit Egypt, Switzerland and Canada are just relishing the build-up of election rhetoric in their respective countries. Citizens of Myanmar, Spain and US are surely looking forward to the experience.

The Amusement Quotient

The process of holding aloft some core democratic values is not bereft of its entertainment value. Hapless citizens who struggle to etch out a living on a day-to-day basis surely deserve as much humour in their lives as they can manage to get. One source of amusement comprises the empty rhetoric and inane promises which get made in almost all the election speeches. Yet another is the tendency of blaming the previous regimes for all the current troubles.

Then we have the ‘simple harmonic motion’ proclivity of politicians who keep changing their loyalties, much like the delicately nurtured who keep getting in and out of different dresses when taking a saunter down the ramp. Once a war of words starts, Newton’s Third Law of Motion kicks in. Much heat gets generated, but no light.

Some contestants are themselves so very colourful that the speeches rolling off their glib tongues provide enough merriment to last a few weeks at least. It does not really matter which ideology or political party they happen to represent. Their Amusement Quotient (AQ) remains unaffected. The jury though is still out whether a high AQ score translates into a high vote share as well.

Of goodies without tears

Election times not only provide succor to the souls which are perennially tormented by the harsh slings and arrows of life. Often, there is a ready supply of cash and goodies. Free transport to and from exotic locales is readily available. So are free lunches, for a change. The speed at which liquor flows could put a rivulet to shame.

Elections provide great chances of making a great deal of noise. Not to forget the chance of smashing shop-windows and burning vehicles; the sheer excitement of either beating up policemen or pinching their helmets.

Add to this the unique opportunity of throwing rotten apples, tomatoes and eggs at candidates who propound a view which happens to be contrary to that of the voters. No wonder citizens of countries which hold frequent elections end up getting international recognition in such areas as archery and shooting.

Politicians in the Wodehouse mould

Those familiar with the works of P G Wodehouse would fondly recall the select few characters therein having political inclinations – voluntarily or otherwise. Roderick Spode, Comrade Bingo’s revolutionary pals, the Heralds of the Red Dawn, the Hon’ble A. B. Filmer, Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe, Mr. John Bickersdyke, Bertie’s pal Ginger and Stilton Cheesewright would readily spring to their minds.

When they look around the present set of politicians who keep huffing and puffing at frequent intervals, they are apt to be able to identify some unique traits of the Wodehousean characters in most of them.

The deep commitment to the Cause of a Spode. The revolutionary pals who fail to recognize the new-age challenges facing their outdated ideology. The self-assured stuffed-frog charisma of a Filmer. The morally dubious character of a Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe. The never-say-die spirit of a John Bickersdyke. The reluctant politicians in the mould of either a Ginger or a Stilton, on whom political ambition has been thrust by a no-nonsense girl friend.

Carbon credits, humour and mythology – the Indian scenario

The largest democratic exercise anywhere in the world takes place in India. The general elections in 2014 have been quickly followed by state assembly polls. Earlier in 2015, Delhi chose a new government. It is now Bihar’s turn. States like Assam, Kerala, Pondicherry, West Bengal and Tamil Nadu follow in 2016.

In large states, campaigns and rallies based on 3-D holographic techniques are now more of a norm than an exception. Political parties using these can surely claim ‘carbon credits’ for adopting greener practices.

Indian elections have more than their share of humour and spectacle, much like elections elsewhere. Some politicians display their salty wit while some make do with their smiling sarcasm. Some go around chest-thumping and rattling off their achievements whereas some others thrive on their quiet dignity and a Monalisque enigma.

The great mythological epics of India provide an excellent resource base to contestants. Their complicated storylines and character lists provide unique opportunities for allusions and allegories to be drawn, thereby providing a divine touch to the worst of invectives which are routinely hurled at each other. Indian politicians’ mastery over mythology needs to be commended. Publishers of kids’ literature based on these epics surely laugh all the way to their banks.

The potential of Election Tourism

India has the good fortune of having a few state elections every year, the general elections being the blockbuster offerings every five years. Invariably, the sheer magnitude of the exercise leads to staggered multi-phase elections, which offer a unique business opportunity – to those in the hospitality and tourism sector, and also to the government by buoying up its foreign exchange earnings.

India already boasts of Cultural Tourism, Business Tourism, Medical Tourism, Religious Tourism, Spiritual Tourism and the Goa kind of tourism. Time, perhaps, to tweak the Incredible India panoply and include Election Tourism as one of its key verticals.

Some incredible benefits

Consider the following advantages of such an initiative:
• A global platform for all our politicos to display their theatrical and oratory skills.
• Rebranding India – from a land of snake-charmers and elephants to a digital-savvy country, what with innovative 3-D holographic campaigns, mobile applications and the works.
• Global promotion of the kind of mud-slinging which goes on, in the name of campaigning.
• A unique exposure to India’s rich mythology and epics.
• Improvement in the country’s foreign exchange reserves, with its attendant benefits for the Indian economy.
• Boost to several sectors of the economy, like travel, tourism and hospitality; the spill-over effect on other sectors.
• Boost to investments from Swiss Finishing Schools which would make a beeline to set up coaching centers in India, aimed at grooming our politicos.
• Political parties could augment their inflows by auctioning the rights to campaign amongst international celebrities. Imagine the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Angelina Jolie and Drew Barrymore getting roped in to make selective appearances at public meetings and shoring up the electoral prospects of some parties.
• Some movie moghuls from Hollywood could even get tempted to persuade Julia Roberts to appear in a movie entitled ‘Eat, Pray and Vote’, thereby improving the prospects of even smaller political parties to make a mark.

An exciting global outlook

Once India provides a lead along these lines, several other countries would follow suit. Their GDPs would register a healthy increase. Unemployment rates would dip. Politicos of all hues will get a global platform to showcase their marketing abilities. In the not so distant a future, global auctions could take place, enrolling the campaigning services of international celebrities. Coffers of the parent country they hail from would start getting filled up faster.

Spain, which ranked first among 141 countries in the World Economic Forum’s Travel and Tourism Competitive Index, has an immediate opportunity coming up by way of a general election planned on December 20, 2015. Imagine the delight of a tourist who, while visiting the Plaza Mayor, the Teide National Park and the Museo del Prado, gets invited to a witness an election rally on one of her quieter evenings!

USA plans to hold its next Presidential election on November 8, 2016. There is enough time for tourism agencies to whip up some special packages which, besides offering a trip to the Niagra Falls and the Grand Canyon, include a contributory dinner with, say, Hillary Clinton!

The possibilities are endless. The mind boggles. If Spain takes a lead, it is likely that the United Nations World Tourism Organization, headquartered in Madrid, would soon move to recognize Election Tourism as a responsible, sustainable and universally accessible activity.

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/10/12/politicos-in-plumsville-part-2

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/10/15/invitation-to-a-swearing-in-ceremony-at-blandings-castle)

Posted in What ho! | Tagged Elections, Humour, Incredible India, P G Wodehouse, Politicos, Tourism | 14 Comments »

Invitation to a swearing-in ceremony at Blandings Castle

October 15, 2015 by ashokbhatia

Denizens of the Republic of Plumsville are cordially invited to attend the swearing-in ceremony of the new cabinet of its Federal Government.Hon’ble President, Lord Emsworth (Clarence Threepwood, 9th Earl of Emsworth), would preside over the function. The Vice President, Mr. Chichester Clam, shall also grace the occasion.

The ceremony shall begin with the Hon’ble President raising the National Flag, to the accompaniment of a rendering of the National Anthem ‘Sonny Boy’ by Ms. Cora Bellinger.

The Hon’ble President, the Vice President and the incumbent Prime Minister shall thereafter garland the statue of Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse, KBE, the Father of the Nation.

Oaths shall be administered by the Chief Justice of Plumsville, Sir Watkyn Bassett. Oaths shall be in the name of the Constitution of Plumsville, viz., The Code of the Woosters.

Here are the respective portfolios and the incumbents:

Prime Minister: Mr. Rupert Psmith (‘p’ is silent)

Commerce and Industry: Ms. Joan Valentine

Defence: Ms. Stephanie Byng

Entrepreneurship: Ms. Sally

Fashion Design: Sir Roderick Spode

Finance: Mr. Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge

Food Processing: Mr. Anatole

Health & Family Welfare: Mr. Ashe Marson

Home: Ms. Dahlia Travers

Human Resource/Education: Ms. Tomlinson

International Relations: Mr. Reginald Jeeves

Information & Broadcasting: Mr. Mulliner

Labour & Employment: Mr. Gussie Fink-Nottle

Literature and Fine Arts: Ms. Rosie M. Banks

Matrimonial Bliss: Mr. Bingo Little

Milk of Human Kindness: Mr. Bertram Wilberforce Wooster

Net Neutrality: Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe

Parliamentary Affairs: Hon. Galahad Threepwood

Space and Atomic Energy: Ms. Madeline Bassett

Sports: Ms. Pauline Stoker

Taxation: Mr. Tom Travers

Terror Management: Ms. Roberta Wickham

Tissue Restoratives: Ms. Postlethwaite

Tourism: Ms. Angela Travers

Transport: Mr. Percy Craye, Earl of Worplesdon

Wildlife & Forests: Captain Cuthbert Gervase ‘Bwana’ Brabazon-Biggar

The swearing-in ceremony shall be followed by a short program, as follows:

Speech by Mr. Rupert Psmith

‘Meeting Millennium Development Goals: The Role of Humour in enhancing the Gross Happiness Index of countries’

Brief talk by Ms. Stephanie Byng

‘Defending borders of countries with a dash of humour; The need to set up training academies in pinching helmets’

Presentation by Mr. Gussie Fink-Nottle

‘Boosting employment prospects of youth by encouraging newt-rearing industry’

Brief talk by Mr. Bertram W. Wooster

‘Managing Immigrants in an increasingly globalized world – An Innovative Approach based on the Milk of Human Kindness’

Talk by Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe

‘Maintaining Net Neutrality by pinching servers and technocrats from neighbouring countries’

Address by Ms. Roberta Wickham

‘Using the hot-water-bottle puncturing strategy and other goofy schemes to neutralize terroristic endeavours’

Video presentation by Ms. Angela Travers

‘Promoting tourism by protecting sharks and whales’

A vaudeville performance by Aunt Julia and Joe Danby

A parody of the Market Snodsbury speech of Mr. Gussie Fink-Nottle, delivered by Master Seabury

The President shall thereafter be pleased to have you with him and the newly inducted team at the lavish luncheon being planned by Monsieur Anatole, God’s gift to our gastric juices. He shall be assisted by the house staff, led by Mr. Sebastian Beach.

The event shall conclude with a Guard of Honour, led by Colonel Aubrey Wyvern, astride the high-bred Potato Chip.

Venue: Forecourt of Blandings Castle
Date: October 15, 2015
Time: 10:00 hours sharp

Notes:

1. Guests and invitees are hereby requested to take their seats by 09:45 hours.

2. Pets are strictly discouraged, lest they disturb the pre-lunch siesta of the Empress of Blandings. James Pirbright shall be in attendance. All the decent sheep and cattle shall be hustled away into regions unknown, so the ceremony may proceed without any interruption.

3. Cell phones and technical gizmos of all kinds shall need to be deposited with Constable Ernest Dobbs at the entrance.

4. For those who wish to take a guided tour of the magnificent gardens and the moss-covered yew alley, Mr. Angus McAllister shall be available after the conclusion of the ceremony.

RSVP: Secretary to the Hon’ble President: Rupert Baxter.

(Notes:

Inputs received from avid fans of P G Wodehouse are gratefully acknowledged.
You may also like to check out: https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/10/10/politicos-in-plumsville-part-1)

When a Plum fan becomes the Prime Minister of India…

Posted in What ho! | Tagged Birthday, Blandings Castle, Governance, P G Wodehouse | 25 Comments »

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ashokbhatia

Of Management, Wodehouse, Movies and things in general!

The Pear Pressure faced by CEOs

Bollywood Legends: Geeta Dutt

Psmith in Pseattle: our little paradise

Let the celebrations begin!

Eating like P. G. Wodehouse – the ultimate Anatole menu from The Code of the Woosters

Of secretaries and the inimitable Miss Fonseca

Some management lessons from Mario Miranda

Of Writers and their Blocks

How about promoting Election Tourism?

Invitation to a swearing-in ceremony at Blandings Castle

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