Humour | ashokbhatia

Posts Tagged ‘Humour’

Oh my Wodehouse/Plum Pie

Posted in What ho!, tagged Humour, P G Wodehouse on September 29, 2015| 8 Comments »

What ho! Here is yet another juicy post from Neha Dsouza which the residents of Plumsville may like.

“Wodehouse is the perfect dose for an aching heart. Whether you’re a damsel in distress, a gentleman at leisure, a small bachelor or simply neck deep in hot water, whatever your problem may be, Wodehouse cures it all.

His books are literary doses of laughing gas. It doesn’t matter whether you chose to read his books for pure joy in the morning , during full moon or the mating season or even during summer lightning they are bound to tickle your funny bone.

If you’re down with spring fever or you have frozen assets due to ice in the bedroom, simply take a sizeable doze of Wodehouse.

With masterful comical storytelling and his ability to conjure something fresh with a very basic storyline, he is a literary humour therapist. So all you’ll need to do is lay back and leave it to Psmith or simply ring for Jeeves. And if your aunts aren’t gentlemen or you have an uncle dynamite, or you happen to see that some pigs have wings, simply dive into a Wodehouse book during cocktail time and wash down your anguish.

He will take you on an enthralling journey around Blandings castle. With the inimitable Jeeves by your side and an uncle Fred in springtime to whom you can confide, you will find a way out of heavy weather. So wipe away that frown, don a heart of goof, plop a Wodehouse book by your side and devour into a plate of eggs, beans and crumpets.”

(The original post can be found here: http://zephyrnick.blogspot.in/2015/05/oh-my-wodehouseplum-pie.html)

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The Truth About George

Posted in What ho!, tagged Humour, P G Wodehouse on September 18, 2015| 4 Comments »

In Plumsville, the delicately nurtured get proposed to in many delightful ways. Here is an exquisite sample from Plumtopia, based on the lives of George and Susan.

Plumtopia

I asked my eight year old daughter to share her favourite Wodehouse romance and, after much umming and ahhhhing, she chose ‘The Truth About George’. In this short story (from Meet Mr. Mulliner) Mr Mulliner recounts the ordeal of his nephew George Mulliner, who must overcome his stammer in order to declare his love for Susan Blake.

Many Wodehouse couples are brought together through a common interest — it might be golf, Tennyson’s poems, or a shared love of mystery novels, for ‘there is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature’ (‘Strychnine in the Soup’). In the case of avid cruciverbalists George Mulliner and Susan Blake, it is a love of crossword puzzles.

…George was always looking in at the vicarage to ask her if she knew a word of seven letters meaning ‘appertaining to the profession of plumbing’, and Susan was…

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Wanted: A God of Internet

Posted in A Vibrant Life!, tagged Ashley Madison, Connectivity, Consciousness, Evolution, Humour, Internet, Net Neutrality, Privacy, Religion on September 12, 2015| 8 Comments »

Can we identify a God who can be beseeched to preside over our Internet-ional Affairs?

In Hinduism, for example, we are exposed to a mind-boggling variety of divine manifestations. Down the long corridors of time, since the dawn of history, the Hindu pantheon has evolved with a multitude of deities.

The deities offer an eclectic mix – some are highly specialized whereas others are all-purpose ones. Some are removers of any obstacles that a seeker may face in life. Some grant better learning abilities and wisdom. Some bestow immense wealth and prosperity. Then we have the generalist trinity – one is said to have crafted the creation, one runs it smoothly like a true blue CEO while another destroys and reconstructs. The latter two intervene in human affairs as and when they deem it necessary.

In fact, there is no sphere of life which has not been touched by some Hindu God or the other. However, we are clueless as to who holds the portfolio of Internet Affairs. Someone, who ensures that irrespective of what happens, we always have connectivity. So, we do not suffer from frequent pangs of Noconnphobia (No–Connectivity-Phobia).

A deity for our Internet-ional Affairs

Without Internet, we are left utterly clueless. We are cut off from civilization. It is as if we are deprived of oxygen. A God who ensures that we have uninterrupted and seamless connectivity shall obviously earn our absolute devotion. Grand temples set up to commemorate him would get built, thereby boosting employment prospects and facilitating the use of black money which can surely do with a ‘fair-and-lovely’ treatment at the earliest. The largest temple thus built could even host a Root Server in a basement ‘Garbh Griha’ (the sanctum sanctorum)!

The high priests appointed to take care of the Internet deity on a day-to-day basis would ensure a steady flow of hefty donations to all its temples. Governments world over shall pitch in with liberal grants. Since the only interest of all governments would be to govern better, global harmony would prevail.

A new form of democratic capitalism would come in vogue. Benefits of growth shall be made to trickle down to the poorest of the poor. Reservations and quotas, if any, shall be linked to economic criteria and not to political vote banks determined by caste, creed, sex or religion. Terrorism would get banished. Peace would reign.

Of checks and balances

A crack team of tech-savvy consorts of the deity would ensure that the principles of Net Neutrality get honoured; also, that hackers are no longer able to hack. Strict norms of privacy shall be stipulated and followed. With privacy assured, denizens of all countries would breathe easy. This would avoid a repeat of the Ashley Madison episode. Matrimonial harmony shall be a norm rather than an exception. Divorce rates would plummet. Children, whether born out of wedlock or otherwise, would be happier.

One of the Key Result Areas of the concerned deity shall be to manage affairs in such a way that the evolution of Internet never spins out of control. If ever Internet assumes a consciousness of its own, the role of the deity itself shall get subjugated by a higher power. Our civilization shall end up becoming a highly centralized system where all aspects of our lives get controlled. Homo sapiens would then run the risk of becoming truer slaves to technology. Values of fraternity, freedom and liberty shall get obliterated.

Who could possibly play this role?

Are there gods in the Hindu pantheon who could handle a challenge of this magnitude?

One choice could be that of Lord Hanuman. After all, he is the son of the God of Air (Pavan Putra). He has sterling qualities of head and heart. He is a great executor. Whatever task is entrusted to him, it gets done without a glitch. All we have to do to appease him is to invoke the name of Lord Rama.

The other possibility is that of Lord Shiva; in particular, his form which represents ‘Ether’, one of the five elements of the universe. Aided by his wife, Goddess Parvati, and his two illustrious sons, we shall have the advantage of the whole family pitching in to take care of the Divine Ministry of Internet Affairs.

Yet another contender for this crucial portfolio could be Lord Ganesha. Given His expertise in removing obstacles, interruptions in connectivity would soon become a thing of the past. As the technology evolves, He would ensure that its progress is free of any disruptions. He is a patron of arts, sciences, intellect and wisdom – realms which are served by Internet. Mice, who fulfill His transportation needs, would refrain from biting any cables which might be carrying bits and bytes for our denizens.

However, all these options present some difficulties.

Lord Hanuman may not like to get involved because of His vow of celibacy. If He does consent, but insists on obnoxious things like Internet porn getting banished, many of His followers may be left in a torment.

As to Lord Shiva, He does not tolerate dissent in any form, whereas Internet is all about accommodating opposing viewpoints on any subject under the sun. Were He to ever decide to turn his Third Eye on a Twitteratti dissenter like Kama Deva, even if it is on Skype or Viber, the latter would run the grave risk of turning into ashes. An action of this kind could fuel a global uprising, thereby defeating our basic objective of attaining global peace and harmony through Internet.

With Lord Ganesha, the difficulty lies in the fact that He is to be worshipped before the commencement of a new project. An attempt to invoke His blessings belatedly might simply end up offending Him. One shudders to think of a prospect of that nature.

Are there any other candidates for the top job?

Let us also consider the candidature of Lord Krishna. His is a multi-faceted personality. Romance, which flourishes on Internet, comes to Him naturally. Those searching for soul-mates would breathe easy. Devising strategy and tactics is an area He excels in. Under His care, growth of Internet would continue unabated.

Those who indulge in hacking would fear swift retribution at His hands, much like the demons which were vanquished due to His timely interventions. Data security would no longer be a cause for concern. Moreover, He has already assured us in Bhagavad Gita that He will come whenever we face a problem. So, we already have an advance performance guarantee.

How about some gender parity?

Hard-core feminists amongst us might wonder as to why none of our delicately nurtured goddesses can get considered for this coveted slot. Those running their e-commerce businesses would vote for Goddess Lakshmi. Those who disseminate knowledge using the world-wide-web shall be rooting for Goddess Saraswati.

Well, our innate sense of chivalry restrains us. The presence of pornographic content holds us back.

The time has come

The mind boggles to think of the consequences of a continued absence of a deity specifically assigned to take care of such net-ty issues. Our denizens shall continue to surf on narrow-band which smart companies would keep projecting as broad-band. Our Smart City plans would come unstuck. Our children shall remain deprived of knowledge and information.

The common man would continue to slip on the ladder of affordable connectivity and only get dumb and dumber. The noble cause of women’s emancipation and empowerment would receive a setback. Politicos and bureaucrats shall continue to twiddle their thumbs trying to figure out how to deliver results. Even the future of several governments could come under a cloud, obviously not of an e-kind.

Now is the time for our religious leaders and intellectuals to come to the aid of the common man. Those who follow different faiths around the world need to come up with brighter ideas as to who could handle this crucial portfolio for us.

Prompt steps need to be taken through the proper channels to identify and declare an appropriate deity to take care of Internet-ional issues.

This brooks no delay whatsoever.

(Note: Inputs from Captain Satish Pande are gratefully acknowledged)

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My Top Five Wodehouse Books

Posted in What ho!, tagged Humour, P G Wodehouse on September 8, 2015| 4 Comments »

One of the most arduous tasks a fan of P G Wodehouse can undertake is that of trying to prepare a list of her top five favourite works of the Master. The mind boggles. The heart flutters. The soul rebels.

Here is someone who has attempted the near-impossible and has come up with gratifying results.

Zanyzigzag's Blog

Greetings, dear readers! I have been away for almost the whole of August visiting family and friends back in the UK, so unfortunately I didn’t manage my usual monthly blogpost last month. Hopefully I can now get back on track with two posts in September.

I was thinking recently about my favourite Wodehouse books and decided to try and narrow my favourites down into a Top Five list. This includes two Jeeves books, one stand-alone, one Psmith book and the only full-length Ukridge book. I have not listed them in order of preference – that process would be too drawn-out and agonising – but I have composed a small summary for each one, detailing why I like that particular story and some of the stand-out moments in each book. I know this post will probably be much more interesting for my readers who also happen to be Wodehouse fans, however, I…

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Plum Stout

Posted in What ho!, tagged Empress of Blandings, Humour, P G Wodehouse, Poems on August 22, 2015| 5 Comments »

Horace Prosser (of ‘The Fat of the Land’ fame) now has competition – from the Empress of Blandings!

Here is a weighty composition from Idyll Dreams of an Idle Fellow that you are sure to relish.

Idyll Dreams of an Idle Fellow

The over-sized Plum product
Written in response to a lead…. which overweight Wodehouse character would I like to be..?…

Honoria chucked a riddle at me
Which Plum creature would I like to be?
The only stipulation I need to watch
Is this denizen of Plumsville must be fond of starch
I wracked the excuse I have for a mind
Stout Plum creations, in order to find
But all those large forms that occurred to me
Were characters I would hate to be
Stinker Pyke….. the name says it all!
Claude Pott… is like creatures that crawl
R Jones ….is the creepiest spy
Bickersdyke….was Red in view and eye
The Duke of Dunstable is a Royal ass!
The efficient Baxter….I will gladly pass
It looks like Plum does not agree,
With those fellow beings, on an eating spree
But no! There’s Beach! He breaks the scale
Buttling, however, is beyond my…

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Dinner date with Plum

Posted in What ho!, tagged Humour, P G Wodehouse on August 11, 2015| 3 Comments »

What ho! Here is a juicy post from Neha Dsouza which the residents of Plumsville may like.

Quote

It was quarter past seven and my date was late. I grew anxious; would he not show up? The waiter hovered around my table.
“Your order, ma’am?” he asked me for the third time.
“Il have tea and butter cookies”, said I
That got rid of him, temporarily.
I checked my watch, it was nearly half past seven. I concluded that my date had been hit by a bus. I decided to violate my code of womanly indifference and give him a call. It rang several times with no positive outcome. My date had been hit by a bus and the impact had dislodged his phone from his grip, undoubtedly.
My phone grunted, I received a text message. It was from my date. “Stuck at work, won’t make it, sorry”.
I sighed. I didn’t know him well, so my heart didn’t shatter all over the coffee shop floor. Neither did the song “I will survive” play in my head. I was all right, a little let down that’s all.
I decided to treat myself to the tea and cookies.

My mind wandered and my thoughts were all scattered when an old man plopped into the chair in front of me and flashed a broad smile.
He may have been somewhere in his mid-forties. To me that was old because I was, back then, merely twenty two.

“Do I know you?” I asked, without sounding too alarmed.
“Oh, don’t you?” He asked
“Are you Varun Sharma?” I asked half knowing he wasn’t.

He was a foreigner, most likely a Brit. His skin was pale and white, he had a receding hairline and a soft voice.
“Certainly not”
“What is your name?” I asked
“Plum”
“Plum?”
“It is odd isn’t it? To imagine that loving parents would name the object of their sexual labour as Plum” said he
“Surely it’s the full form for something” I asked
“Yes, Pelham”
“Pelham?”
“What ho” said he
I was stunned at this revelation.
The man was British, his accent gave away his origins, his clothing was outdated, something that may have been in vogue in the seventies. Could he be? No!
“What is your surname?” I asked.
“Wodehouse, pronounced as Wode-house and not Wood house” he replied.
I sank further into my chair. “Surely this is a dream?” I asked.
“No, I’m really here”
“But aren’t you dead?”
He flinched. “Yes I passed away sometime back”
“In your nineties, but you look 40”
“Yes because the soul doesn’t age, only the body does. I’m a soulfully forty something”
“But you are deceased?”
“Yes”
“Then how are you here?”
“Well you’ve been berating at the sky, day after day, night after night that you wished to see me and consult me with regards to your writing, so here I am”
My jaw dropped
“Jesus insisted I see you, he said it would take a load off of him, can’t let the good lord carry much load after that cross business , eh?”
He clicked his tongue
“Oh my god” said I faintly.
“Please call me plum”
“It’s a dream come true”
“You flatter me too much, most people cry at the heavens for a chat with Michael Jackson and Elvis”
“How is heaven?” I asked
“Can’t divulge much, I’m bound by the sacrament of secrecy, but I can assure you it’s a giant drones club floating in the sky”
He signalled to the waiter to bring the menu.
The waiter did so with eagerness.
Mr. Wodehouse sainted through its contents, and ordered a Shepard’s pie and roly-poly pudding.
Once the waiter was out of sight and earshot he said “Mumbai is very obscene about her display of class distinction”
“I beg your pardon?”
“The cleanliness of a street is directly proportionate to the wealth possessed by the people who reside in the apartments adjoining them”.

I agreed with this sentiment as the effervescent aroma of food being baked filled the café.

“So, Neha, what made you call for me? How can I help you?”
My eyes widened and I turned a shade red.
“I want to be a writer”
“Do you write every day?” He asked
“Yes”
“Well, then you’re already a writer”
“A published writer. A writer like you. Do you know that you have a huge fan following. We have a community on Facebook that discusses your work.”

His face lit up “but my dear child, I did not write to get famous, I wrote to entertain”
I may have looked confused and so he continued saying “Fame is very temporary and not largely satisfying”

My face fell, Plum took my hand, patted it and said “To be a good writer, you must first ask yourself, why do people read?”
“To get away from the monotony of daily existence?” said I
“Yes and?”
“To be transported into a different world far beyond their own”
“Yes and?”
“People also read to increase knowledge and enhance vocabulary”
“Precisely, reading is a selfish pursuit, people read to gain something. Writing cannot be a selfish pursuit. Writing must and had to be selfless and unconditional”
“I don’t understand”
“Reading is a form of escape and reader’s turn to us writers to help them escape. Their minds are at our disposal and we can chose what we want to do with it. Now my endeavour always was to uplift the spirit of my readers. You are free to lead the reader down a rabbit hole to a mad hatter’s tea party, or through a cupboard to a Narnia, through a pillar at King’s cross station to Hogwarts or to an isolated town in West America into the mind of an imbalanced girl who seeks validation through romantic trysts with werewolves and vampires. Where you lead your reader is purely your choice, and whether they want to come with you is entirely their choice. But writing is a form of giving and self-sacrifice. Selfishness and writing do not go hand in hand”

“But didn’t you enjoy the adulation and appreciation?” I asked
“I did, but I didn’t write plainly for the adulation. Remember this, you have to bleed so that your readers feel the pinch, you have to stir every sense and awaken your reader’s sleepy conscious. When your heart breaks, they should feel a splinter pierce their heart. You have to give yourself entirely, in body, spirit and soul to your reader. You have to lose a little bit of yourself, a little bit of your mind with every book or poem you write. That’s why I call it a selfless pursuit and that’s also why writers are a dashed crazy lot.”
I remained silent and absorbed the dose of knowledge
“Lastly, you must not seek validation through your work.”
“Then what must I seek?
“Satisfaction”
The waiter appeared and placed the pie in front of me. My tongue salivated at the aroma of freshly baked mince. I raised my eyes from the pie and looked over at the chair facing me. Mr. Wodehouse wasn’t there. I scanned the entire café, he was nowhere in sight. I looked over at my notebook and noticed that I had scribbled haphazardly in it.
The waiter appeared again with the roly poly pudding and said to me “Madam, I would highly recommend that you have the pudding with plums”
I beamed!

Unquote

Hope you enjoyed it. The original may be accessed at: http://zephyrnick.blogspot.in/2015/08/dinner-date-with-plum.html.

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The epidemic of Wodehousitis

Posted in What ho!, tagged Bertie Wooster, Global Happiness, Global Peace, Humour, Jeeves, Lord Emsworth, P G Wodehouse on July 30, 2015| 33 Comments »

The foundations of our civilization are quivering. Homo sapiens are faced with a medical crisis of gigantic proportions. There is widespread concern about the pace at which the epidemic of Wodehousitis is spreading across countries and continents. Medical researchers of all hues are twiddling their thumbs, trying to figure out a cure for this dreaded affliction.

Wodehousitis is reported to be a disease which affects all human beings, irrespective of their age, sex, cast, creed or ethnicity. It is said to be highly contagious. A word of mouth is all that is required to lead one to contract it. One merely borrows a work of P G Wodehouse. A cursory perusal of any part of a narrative follows. A lifetime of bondage ensues. Frequent purchases of his books gladden the hearts of many a publisher. When one is not able to lay one’s hands on a particular title, one’s moral upbringing goes for a toss. Intentions of returning borrowed titles weaken. Stealing a book from the shelf of a friend becomes the norm.

To put it simply, once the germs of Wodehousitis have managed to find a foothold in any neuro-system, one’s fate is sealed.

The Symptoms

Wodehousitis manifests itself in many ways. Public display of uncontrolled mirth, a tendency to erupt into laughter at inappropriate moments, occasional falls from a chair or a sofa while lapping up one of the juicy narratives, an insatiable thirst for acquiring as many titles of his works as is humanly possible, a relentless devouring of the works of P G Wodehouse, a perpetual state of intoxication with his words of wisdom, and a pitiless analysis of the scintillating characters created by him – these are but some of the symptoms.

As a tribe, bloggers suffering from Wodehousitis also display peculiar symptoms. They cannot help themselves but publish posts based only on Master’s works. With each subsequent post, the time interval between two posts gets shortened. When they pick up any work of his, the simple joy of reading it gets subdued, only to be replaced by a tendency to analyse the narrative from different angles. An irresistible urge to compile some juicy quotes takes over, casting a gloomy spell on the otherwise sparkling wit and humour embedded in the Master’s works.

The most serious symptom happens to be the disinclination of all those suffering from Wodehousitis to seek a cure for this dreaded affliction. Once afflicted, one is apt to remain happy to continue in a state of perennial addiction. Medical fraternity is yet to find a solution to this unique kind of drug resistance.

Medicos use these symptoms to ascertain if the person under scrutiny deserves to be classified as one suffering from Wodehousitis.

Three Stages

There are three stages of Wodehousitis which have been identified and catalogued so far.

In the first stage, one displays occasional signs of having any of the symptoms described above.

In the second stage, one shows grave signs of many of these symptoms, but is still considered treatable.

The third stage is the most critical one, with no cure in sight as of now. Medicos continue to be baffled. In this stage, one is obsessed with all facets of Plum’s narratives, much to the exclusion of every other piece of literature one comes across. In each and every situation of life, a streak of one of the narratives is invariably noticed. All relatives and friends get identified with one or the other characters created by P G Wodehouse.

A person suffering from the last stage of Wodehousitis often complains of a stifling sensation. No other work of literature appeals any longer. The allure of catching up on the latest best sellers fades away. All friends, philosophers and guides sound like Jeeves. All aunts appear to be moulded along the lines of either Aunt Agatha or Aunt Dahlia.

Cops sound like Constable Oates, using their investigating skills to the hilt, but meekly surrendering to the dictates of the Justices of Peace. Introspection leads one to identify oneself with the woolly-headedness of the likes of Bertie Wooster and Lord Emsworth. All kids appear to have traces of traits like those of Thos and Edwin.

Even pets assume a halo of some kind – the canine ones sound either like a Bottles or a Bartholomew; the feline ones sound like an Augustus. All pigs look like malnourished cousins of the Empress of Blandings.

A psychoanalyst, having examined a person who has attained this blissful state, would be forgiven for certifying the person to be eminently fit to be admitted to a loony bin.

Searching for a cure

Governments the world over are justifiably worried over the relentless spread of this affliction. If our armed forces contract this affliction, fighting wars would be a thing of the past. Ex-service-persons would need to identify alternative employment avenues. Cops would take a benevolent view of law and order problems. Doctors may end up prescribing only Laughter Therapy to seriously ill patients. Politicos mighst take a leaf out of the Code of the Woosters and start rolling out welfare schemes based only on the milk of human kindness, thereby resulting in empty coffers. The socio-economic implications of widespread Wodehousitis are mind-boggling indeed.

While steps are being taken to motivate medicos to come up with a cure for Wodehousitis, fans of the author wonder if finding a solution to this endemic problem is really necessary. The overriding feeling is that the germs of Wodehousitis should instead be deployed cleverly, thereby improving the score of Gross National Happiness of all countries.

The case against finding a cure for Wodehousitis

Imagine a scenario where reading Wodehouse is made mandatory at all levels of education, all across the world. Pretty soon, professionals of all hues would end up being afflicted with Wodehousitis. Judges would end up having stiffer lips, possibly dishing out harsher sentences. Their propensity to get swayed by non-judicial considerations would get curtailed. Illegal activities of any kind would get nipped in the bud. Lawyers, doctors, engineers and professionals across all vocations would have a better sense of humour. As a consequence, their ability to deliver results would improve drastically.

Members of the so-called sterner sex would end up being more chivalrous, thereby minimizing misdemeanours directed at the delicately nurtured. Following the dictums propounded by Jeeves, match-making quality would improve. Divorce rates would plummet. Loving husbands would be more likely to follow the example of Bingo Little, thereby ensuring that the doves of peace keep their wings flapping over their humble abodes.

Even kids who are normally a threat to societal peace would aspire to be worthy of their favourite silver screen divas. Headmasters and headmistresses would lose their faith in the old adage which exhorts them to spare the rod and spoil the child.

Global peace and harmony

The premier of a country who is toying with the idea of unleashing violence upon a neighbouring country would simply meet up her counterpart, say ‘What ho!’ and gift the other a set of Wodehouse books. Peace and love would stand a better chance.

Those planning a terror strike would look at their plans askance and wonder if better results could not be achieved by persuasive methods of a gentler kind. If advised by the likes of Roberta Wickham, they might even conclude that their goals could be met more effectively by merely ensuring that the hot water bottles of the dissenting politicians and their immediate family members get punctured at frequent intervals.

Money being spent on arms of all kinds would eventually get deployed to eradicate poverty across all our continents. Gross Happiness Indices of all countries would reach stratospheric heights.

International bodies such as the United Nations would come up with a Charter of Global Happiness and take initiatives designed to spread cheer and happiness amongst all the citizens of our planet. Peace Keeping Forces would be trained in Wodehousian skills and redeployed to monitor and promote laughter and mirth in strife torn areas.

In other words, Wodehousitis need not be contained or cured. On the contrary, it needs to be spread as quickly as may be possible. This could ensure that God continues to be in heaven and all remains well with the world.

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2017/11/05/a-plummy-wish-for-a-bride-to-be

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2017/12/02/the-need-to-look-for-plummy-soul-mates

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2018/01/01/spreading-wodehousitis-some-plummy-awards

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2019/05/28/dont-fret-the-future-of-wodehousitis-is-secure)

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The lighter side of our illnesses

Posted in A Vibrant Life!, tagged Attitudes, Health, Humour on July 14, 2015| 12 Comments »

Life is replete with hierarchies of all sizes and shapes. Those who happen to be rich look at their less fortunate cousins with some derision. Those who happen to be highly educated view the uneducated with some scorn. Those who have a great job with a famous blue chip company, when introduced to someone who has to be asked oh-which-company-did-you-say-you-are-working-with, treat the party of the other part with marked contempt.

All of us appear to be on a ladder of sorts – some perched above and others struggling to catch up from below. The ladder could be either materialistic or spiritual in nature.

The hierarchy of wellness

Some of the sick and the infirm also suffer from this ‘ladder syndrome’. Many could be secretly delighted upon realizing that the best of physicians have no clue as to what precisely the nature of their affliction is. Those having AIDS and cancer could look deprecatingly at someone having, say, a viral infection. Those suffering from a heart ailment could gloat over the fact that they are consulting a world-renowned cardiac expert, whereas the other person, given his limited means or his station in life, has to remain content with a mere local doctor.

To a person diagnosed with a pancreatic cyst, someone suffering from acidity could appear to be a being which is yet to transcend several stages of evolution. Someone who has had to undergo an orthopedic surgery might treat another complaining of knee pain with a dash of scorn. A diabetic whose daily dose of insulin is in the range of, say, 50 units, could treat the other one surviving on 15 units as merely the dust beneath his chariot wheels.

The difference in the realm of wellness is that the ladder works both ways. An insulin dependent diabetic could also feel a gnawing dissatisfaction within that life has been patently unfair only to him. A person having a heart ailment may consider others around him luckier, living a fuller and happier life. It is felt that when life dishes out such harsh sentences, without the option of an anticipatory bail, our Guardian Angels are busy elsewhere, not bothering to protect us from the perils of life.

Listen to a conversation between two patients, or their attendants, in a hospital ward and both trends become discernible. Some would be happy, others would be complaining. This unique facet of wellness shows us the importance of our attitudes. When we are afflicted with an irreversible condition, how do we look at it? As a bane, or as a boon?

The perks of ill health

If we think of ill health as a bane, we enter into a vicious cycle which keeps depleting us of our positive energies. The mind absorbs negativity. The body responds by a further decline in its immunity levels. It is like a downward spiral which does not allow us to look at the sunnier side of life.

How could one treat a long term health challenge as a boon, you might well ask? Well, barring accidents and cases of a special medical nature, this does sound like a workable proposition. Especially in the case of what are known as lifestyle diseases, such as diabetes, hypertension, heart ailments and the like.

Better preparation

One, it helps us to check the healthcare eco-system around us. Efficacy of doctors gets assessed. Clinics and hospitals get evaluated for the kind of care they provide. In case a further challenge comes up, we are better prepared to handle it.

Better habits

Two, we realize that the body revolts only when it is pressed beyond a point of its tolerance. Abuse of a particular organ over a period of time comes into sharp focus. Corrective steps get taken. Introspection follows. Better habits follow. Better health comes about.

Fulfilling pious intentions

Three, a critical intervention, say, like a coronary arterial by-pass graft, gives the patient a good time to relax, recuperate and introspect. For that matter, any surgery affords us the luxury of listening to good music, catching up with books on our to-be-read list or with movies on our to-be-watched list. In other words, several pious intentions of ours get worked upon.

Acquiring a specialization

Four, we end up becoming a subject expert on the affliction concerned. Now, what could be more gratifying than people coming up to us to either confide their health problems with us or seeking our advice?

Handling planned obsolescence

Five, a realization dawns that, much like modern automobiles and white goods, our bodies also come with an in-built feature of planned obsolescence.

Cars and washing machines have a definite life span. Warranties are limited. Once the warranty period is over, an annual maintenance contract kicks in.

Likewise, human bodies have an upper limit to their time spans. To keep them going longer, regular maintenance is necessary. Healthy nourishment, regular exercises and a positive attitude alone help. Howsoever hard we may work upon ourselves, we realize that our physical bodies come with a date of expiry. The date, of course, remains a mystery of sorts.

A sunny disposition

As life advances, we realize that each stage of life offers its unique mix of advantages and disadvantages.

When we enter a phase of our lives which offers us relative peace and an opportunity of fulfilling some of our pious intentions we have secretly harbored all through our lives, we could instead fall into the trap of complaining about the health challenges we face, thereby robbing us of the exquisite joy of this part of the journey.

A sunny disposition, acquired early in life, can work wonders in keeping illnesses at bay. Ageing gracefully is an art as well as a habit which can be consciously cultivated to fend off the W-shaped depressions we could face when the yoke of family and career responsibilities falls off our no-longer-sturdy shoulders.

It helps to have a small circle of close friends. Pursuing a hobby we are passionate about keeps our neurons in good shape. Being in touch with the younger lot makes our system keep running on all six cylinders. Simply looking back at the high points of our life keeps our spirits buoyed up.

The silver lining

Setbacks in health occasionally hover over us, much like ominous clouds which cut off the sunlight of the simple joys of life. But, like all clouds, these have a silver lining which one can focus on. Armed with a chin-up attitude, one can face the harsh slings and arrows of life better.

(Note: This blog post is a part of an article which was carried by NAMAH, the journal of integral health, in its issue of October 2015:

http://www.namahjournal.com/doc/Actual/Of-hierarchies-attitudes-and-spiritual-potential-of-our-illnesses-vol-23-iss-3.html)

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The yoga of a managerial kind

Posted in Management Lessons, tagged Humour, International Yoga Day, Management, P G Wodehouse, Yoga on June 20, 2015| 7 Comments »

On the occasion of the upcoming International Yoga Day, managers of all sizes and shapes are all of a twitter, shuddering at the prospect of being called upon to celebrate the day by performing some complicated asanas, that too at the crack of dawn, on a day which, unfortunately, happens to be a Sunday.

It is not that people who pride themselves to be managers are any less patriotic. Nor are they any less health conscious. Those who believe that managers are forever thinking only of evading taxes while leading a sedentary life full of fun and frolic at star rated joints could not be more wrong.

The reason managers need not earmark a particular day for practicing yoga is rather simple. This hapless overworked breed is already devoting much of its time and energy to following yogic pursuits. This alone helps them to retain their sanity while riding their high octane roller coaster careers. By following yogic principles, managers are continually enhancing their mental and physical well being, living a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

A communion and a harmony

Most of us are well aware that yoga is a state of communion. Spiritual enthusiasts tell us that it is the science of unison of our finite self with the cosmic Self. Bhagavad Gita describes it as the art of perfect unanimity with right thoughts and action.

To a conscientious manager, though, the communion is that between one’s individual value systems and those of the organization and the boss one works for. As long as harmony prevails, one is able to discharge one’s obligations while remaining in a state of bliss.

The yogins in an organization

Organizations have an eclectic mix of professionals with yogic propensities of different kinds.

There are the intellectual kinds who follow Jnana Yoga. Usually, they gravitate towards R&D, product design, market research and planning kind of careers but could be found in any stream of an organization. Those in the higher echelons of management often believe they practice this kind of yoga.

Karma Yoga is rigorously followed by those who implement and execute plans. Often, they are found performing unattached service to their organizations and bosses. The genuinely committed ones continue to perform, without waiting for promotions or increments.

The mystic path of devotion gets followed by quite a few. They practice Bhakti Yoga. They hang on to the coat tails or skirts of their bosses till the time the latter’s career advancements result into their own climb on the corporate ladder. Organizations keep devising imaginative severance packages so as to ensure that their bloodstreams do not remain clogged with deadwood which entertains a misplaced sense of devotion.

A manager’s yogic postures

Those who place a greater emphasis on the different kinds of yogic postures try to devour the vast repertoire of such experts as B K S Iyengar. They look up Larsen exercises (popularized by ‘Something Fresh’ of P G Wodehouse fame). They try to unravel the mystery behind Sivananda yoga. They try to differentiate between Bikram yoga and Anusara yoga.

After brooding over the various alternatives on offer, managers become better aware of the kind of posturing they have to indulge in so as to be able to survive and do well at their places of work. Whether employed in the public or the private sector, here are some of the popular yogic postures deployed by them.

Balasana

(A Child’s Posture)

While sipping the morning dose of their favourite tissue restorative, when the better half is interrupting their devoted perusal of the morning newspaper and is handing over the list of domestic chores to be completed by the end of the day without fail.

(“Balasana” by Iveto – Own work. Licensed under GFDL via Wikimedia Commons )

Kukkutasana

(A Cock’s Posture)

While rushing through peak hour traffic, managers inhale and inflate their chest cavity to full when handling errant bikers whizzing across their path; they exhale and deflate their lungs when accosted with buses and trucks pouncing upon their humble means of transport. At all times, while driving, they maintain a hawk like vigil.

(“Kukkutasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Ardha Chandrasana

(The Half Moon Posture)

When the task assigned is impossible to achieve and the boss needs to be convinced that a divine intervention alone could help.

(Ardha-Chandrasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons)

Ardha Matsyendrasana

(Half Lord of the Fish Posture)

When a situation calls for a look-in-the-eye confrontation, making the party of the other part wilt and run for cover.

(“Ardha-Matsyendrasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Chakrasana

(The Wheel Posture)

When presented with a problem which has wheels within wheels – or multiple implications – the manager takes some time off to perform this asana. Soon, the mind is stilled and an out-of-the-box solution emerges.

(“Chakrasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Dhanurasana

(The Bow Posture)

Managers practice it when called upon to either announce or execute unpopular tasks, which could range from closing down business units to handing over a pink slip. The unpleasant arrow, conceptualized and designed by the top management, is shot. The manager graciously offers himself as a bow from which the arrow is finally shot.

(“Dhanurasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Ek Pada Koundinyasana

(Koundinya’s Single Foot Posture)

A task which was on the back burner for the past six months suddenly needs to be executed at a lightning speed. Going off on a vacation is not an option.

(“Parivritta Eka Pada Koundinyasana” by Jemasty – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Garudasana

(The Eagle Posture)

Handling either a supplier who, despite repeated warnings, fails to deliver on time or an employee who continues to under-perform.

(“Garudasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Eka Pada Raja Kapotasana

(The Single Foot King Pigeon Posture)

Meeting either a politician or a government servant, with an attitude of abject surrender and servitude.

(“Eka-Pada-Raja-Kapotasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Hanumanasana

(Lord Hanuman’s Posture)

Attending to an urgent task dished out by the boss at the last minute.

(“Hanumanasana – Hanuman’s Posture – in Diagonal View” by lululemon athletica – Flickr: Yoga Journal Conference. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Janusirsasana

(The Head to Calf Forward Bend Posture) Tackling the CFO and answering some ticklish audit related queries.

(“Janusirsasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Matsyasana

(The Fish Posture)

When reversing an earlier decision dished out to the team members, the manager needs to be as slippery as a fish only can be.

(“Matsyasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Vrikshasana

(The Tree Posture)

When motivating team members to undertake a task which sounds impossible.

(“Vriksasana Yoga-Asana Nina-Mel” by Kennguru – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Adho-mukha-shvanasana

(The Downward Facing Dog Pose)

When the boss decides to reprimand the manager, hopefully in private.

(“Ado-muka-shvanasana” by Joseph RENGER – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Bharadvajasana

(The Bharadvaj Posture)When a junior approaches the manager seeking either leave or an undue favour.

(“Bharadvajasana1 (cropped)” by Iveto – Own work. Licensed under GFDL via Wikimedia Commons )

Adho-mukha-vrikshasana

(The Downward Facing Tree Posture)When the manager herself needs to seek either leave or an undue favour from the boss.

(“AcroDanceHandstand” by Lambtron at en.wikipedia. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

Padmasana

(The Lotus Posture)

After listening to the end of the day woes of the better half, this posture, if performed, leads to mental peace.

(“Tanumânasî en Meditacion Loto Padmasana” by Jesús Bonilla (Tanumânasî) – Retiros de yoga. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons )

With all these postures already a part of a manager’s daily life, is there a need for them to do some yoga on the appointed day as well?

Well, on this International Day of Yoga, I am toying with the idea of taking a dip in the Bay of Bengal nearby. To a busybee like me, it is a more exciting activity than Surya Namaskar – a set of twelve asanas for those with a lot of time on their hands.

Yet another option is to simply perform my favourite one only – the Shavasana.

Shavasana

(The Corpse Pose)

Shavasana involves shutting down one unit of one’s body after another like a factory in the small place where I live, and then again turning them on one after another like the well heeled women at a ghazal concert.

Most managers would agree with me that this is the coolest thing that yoga offers.

(“Shavasana” by Joseph RENGER – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons )

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This is it! (Part 2)

Posted in A Vibrant Life!, tagged Cartoons, Humour, P G Wodehouse, Sudhir Dar on May 29, 2015| 9 Comments »

Whether it is the realm of politics, home affairs, civic issues or public transport, Sudhir Dar’s cartoons continue to regale us with their tongue-in-cheek humour.