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Quite a few fans of P G Wodehouse often wonder as to how Jeeves and Bertie come together and why they stick PGW CarryOnJeevestogether despite having stark differences in matters of attire, appearance, love and relationships in general. Is there an underlying message in all their innumerable escapades that we are treated with, each one laced with intoxicating verbosity and linguistic opulence – a hallmark of this great author?

Getting Hired the First Time

In Jeeves Takes Charge, we are treated to the scenario of Bertie Wooster hiring Jeeves in the first place.

For the privilege of someone of the caliber of Jeeves shimmering into Bertie’s life, we have to thank two persons. One is Bertie’s previous valet, a bloke by the name of Meadows. Had he not stolen a couple of things from the master’s place, a request for a replacement would not have gone to the registry office. Second is some brainy bird at the registry who, God bless his soul, ended up sending Jeeves across. But for these two blokes, all of us would have missed a lot of fun in life.

Having attended a rather cheery party the previous night, Bertie is struggling to make sense of a book recommended by Florence Craye. Her intention was merely to boost Bertie a bit nearer to her own plane of intellect. Jeeves streams in, concocts one of his after-morning specials for the master, making hope dawn once more. He gets hired instantly.

Jeeves therefore displays an uncanny skill of diagnosing the problem and deploying his extensive knowledge and marvelous skills to whip up a solution. No marks for guessing why he gets hired in the first place. All job seekers can learn from his example.

Getting Re-hired; Becoming Indispensable

Given his track record, Jeeves does not really need to exert himself to get rehired. In Thank you, Jeeves, he puts PGW ThankYouJeevesin his papers, annoyed as he is with Bertie’s insistence on playing the banjo. Towards the end of the narrative, Chuffy, Jeeves’ new boss, decides to get married to Pauline Stoker. Bertie declares that he is no longer interested in pursuing his interest in the instrument; nor is he planning to retain Brinkley, Jeeves’ replacement. The following dialogue ensues:

Jeeves: ‘I ventured to express the hope, sir, that you might be agreeable to considering my application for the post. I should endeavor to provide satisfaction, as I trust I have done in the past.’

Bertie: ‘But…’

Jeeves: ‘I would not wish, in any case, to continue in the employment of his lordship, sir, now that he is about to be married. I yield to no one in my admiration for the many qualities of Miss Stoker, but it has never been my policy to serve in the household of a married gentleman.’

Bertie: ‘Why not?’

Jeeves: ‘It is merely a personal feeling, sir.’

Bertie: ‘I see what you mean. The psychology of the individual?’

Jeeves: ‘Precisely, sir.’

Bertie: ‘And you really want to come back with me?’

Jeeves: ‘I should deem it a great privilege, sir, if you would allow me to do so, sir, unless you are thinking of making other plans.’

He gets re-hired!

Employees who wish to be labeled as indispensable have to be in the learning mode, almost always. Those who continue to ‘sharpen their saw’ (as Stephen Covey would put it) stand a much better chance of attaining this exalted status.

Key challenges faced by HR honchos are: (a) Retaining good people who are routinely getting poached by aggressive competitors, (b) Wishing away those who are below average performers, and (c) Keep motivating those who are average performers but believe themselves to be star performers!

Managements need to identify critical positions in the organization which need continuity over a longer duration so as to bring home the bacon. In not-so-critical slots, they could otherwise end up being vulnerable to people who prove themselves to be indispensable.

The Art of Gentle Persuasion

In one of the rare pieces written by P G Wodehouse on behalf of Jeeves, Bertie Changes his Mind, Bertie PGW MuchObligedJeevesexpresses his frustration at the monotony of his life and his loneliness. He says he desires to have a larger house with several children prattling about around him. Jeeves realizes that if a wife comes in from the front door, he – the valet of bachelor days – has to go out at the back.

Landing up at a girls’ school, Jeeves manages to portray his master as a celebrity and somehow motivates the headmistress Miss Tomlinson to announce a lecture by Bertie Wooster to the students. The assembled lot of giggling students quickly manages to unnerve Bertie, thereby erasing from his mind any thoughts of children and matrimony. Thus, Jeeves’ employment prospects remain unaffected.

Smart managers often use the art of gentle persuasion to get overly enthusiastic employees to be realistic in their goals, thereby improving the team’s contribution to the organizational goals.

Jeeves is not a Yes-Man

On several occasions, there arise serious differences between the two. Even if Bertie displays annoyance and irritation, Jeeves remains steadfast in his views. Right from purple socks, check suits, mauve pyjamas and pink-feathered alpine hats to growing a moustache, Bertie invariably has to give up his bizarre tastes to accommodate the rather rigid views of Jeeves in matters of attire and appearance.

Yes, there are times when Jeeves appears to be rather flexible in his approach. For example, in Much Obliged, Jeeves, he confesses to having destroyed the eighteen pages of The Junior Ganymede club book, covering some intimate details about Bertie.

When Bertie contemplates a marriage, Jeeves does not hesitate to speak freely. In Jeeves Takes Charge, he tells Bertie that Florence Craye is of a highly determined and arbitrary temperament, quite opposed to his own. In Jeeves in the Offing, he opines that Roberta Wickham is volatile and frivolous.

This is a sterling trait of Jeeves’ character, worth emulating for all senior managers. Registering dissent in a polite but firm manner is a great quality to have.

What makes Jeeves and Bertie Tick

The fact that Jeeves gets unbridled authority to run Bertie’s affairs single-handedly is surely an important motive for PGW JeevesInTheOffinghim to aspire to continue in latter’s employment.

As to Bertie, he desists from the prospect of ever getting married. He shudders to think of Honoria Glossop who is hearty and a confirmed back-slapper. Madeline Bassett has large, melting eyes and thinks the stars are god’s daisy chain. Roberta Wickham is easy on the eyes but has the disposition and general outlook on life of a ticking bomb. Pauline stoker has the grave defect of being one of those girls who want you to come and swim a mile before breakfast and expect you to play five sets of tennis post-lunch. Florence Craye is an intellectual girl, who would like the male of the species to be sculpted into fine examples of cerebral excellence.

Also, Bertie is a perfectly chivalrous gentleman. He is bound by the Wooster Code which does not allow him to refuse a proposal coming his way. Nor does it allow him to bandy the name of a female in public. He is always open to risking his own reputation to help a pal of his.

Bertie and Jeeves – A Formidable Team

Why does Bertie allow himself to be dominated over by his valet? Despite being an employer, he is reduced to a hapless victim of circumstances and Jeeves invariably gets the full credit for having pulled him out of the soup almost every time. Bertie’s aunts consider him a blot on the landscape. His close friends, while seeking favors from him, describe him as being utterly unselfish. At times, he is held to be mentally negligible!

Overall, we get the picture of a person who represents a decaying aristocracy, is content to live a routine and comforting life where he is surrounded by goofy friends, potty females and scheming aunts. As to thinking things through deeply, he appears to have outsourced this function in his life to Jeeves. It is not that he does not try coming up with fruity schemes. Unfortunately, the harder he tries, more of a mess his intended beneficiaries get in to. Add to this his obvious distaste for a saunter down the aisle and the picture is almost complete.

In The Inimitable Jeeves, we are treated to a scenario where Bertie has made up his mind to sack Jeeves.  To PGW Inimitable_jeevesquote a delectable passage from the memoirs:

I buzzed into the flat like an east wind…and there was the box of cigarettes on the small table and the illustrated weekly papers on the big table and my slippers on the floor, and every dashed thing so bally right, if you know what I mean, that I started to calm down in the first two seconds. …. Softened, I mean to say. That is the word I want. I was softened.

Needless to say, Jeeves stays put!

P G Wodehouse has visualized two characters which form a mutually appreciative team. Both Bertie and Jeeves complement each other, thereby forming a perfect team.

In business organizations, it is not uncommon to find teams comprising members who play the roles of Bertie and Jeeves alternately. Smart bosses often form such teams to extract the best results in a difficult situation.

A Beacon of Hope   

The character of Jeeves essentially symbolizes hope for all those who are depressed and temporarily knocked off by the rugged punches of life. He stands out as a friend, philosopher and guide – par excellence.

Howsoever bleak the scenario in life, if one picks up any of Wodehouse’s works, the clouds in one’s life start getting cleared away, the good old sun starts buzzing along on all six cylinders, the sky turns a bright shade of azure, the birds start chirping merrily, a soft breeze starts swaying the palm trees, the spirit is uplifted and one feels…,well, I mean, dash it!

(Related Posts:

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2013/11/09/when-jeeevs-takes-charge

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2017/12/13/a-brand-called-jeeves)

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All diehard fans of P G Wodehouse are well aware that when Jeeves takes charge, things begin to happen. When PGW HughLaurie-BertieWoostermatters spin out of control and Bertie is twiddling his thumbs trying to figure out how to handle the harsh slings and arrows of life, Jeeves invariably comes to his rescue. With his eyes gleaming with intelligence and the head bulging out at the back, Jeeves is there to provide solace to his master. All others who repose their trust in his superior problem-solving abilities merely need to leave matters in his deft hands and positive results start showing up. More often than not, anyone who comes to depend upon him is concerned if he is eating enough fish those days. And no one really minds being a mere pawn in his hands because he delivers solid results.

How does Jeeves really pull it off? Here are some of the problem-solving techniques one can learn from the inimitable and incomparable Master Problem Solver.

The Psychology of the Individual

This is a recurring theme and the cornerstone of Jeeves’ policies and prescriptions. The root cause of all troubles is the absence of an in-depth understanding of the motivating forces governing the actions of an individual. Once this is properly addressed, results are sure to follow.

To quote only one example, we have the case of Esmond Haddock in The Mating Season. He is a man of retiring PGW MatingSeasondisposition and suffers from an inferiority complex. He quivers like a jelly fish when facing any of his several aunts. Just before he is set to perform at a concert, Bertie and Jeeves manage to let him have an intoxicating intake of the old fluid. Also, Jeeves manages to buy out some captive audience which goes on to cheer him with gay abandon. The result is a Haddock who is buoyed by his spectacular success in a public forum. He sheds all his meekness and promptly proceeds to propose to Corky, the love of his life. He then manages to tick off his aunts Daphne, Emmeline, Charlotte, Harriet and Myrtle, even going to the extent of blaming them for insubordination. As a Justice of Peace, he restrains Constable Dobbs from putting his would-be brother-in-law in the jail for a month.

Ask a business leader and he might just shrug his shoulders and say, ‘What ho!’ Well, the message here is very clear – if you have a silent and submissive type of a person in your team, ensure that you take necessary steps to draw him out. For all you know, he could have some very good ideas which could boost the team’s performance manifold.

Handling employees at all levels, conveying negative news to a team member, managing a customer grievance – in all situations, it helps to have a prior understanding of the psychology of an individual.

Meeting the Boss Half-way

Jeeves is invariably proactive. When it comes to extending the helping hand to a master in distress, he takes immediate steps through proper channels to provide succor to the poor lamb. Sometimes it is the liquor which does the trick. At times, either a hearty breakfast or one of his pick-me-ups brings home the bacon. In most cases, help comes in even before Bertie has asked for it. In some cases, it involves Jeeves painting Bertie in rather unflattering colors to those around!

Consider the memoirs titled as Jeeves in the Offing. Jeeves has gone off on a vacation and Bertie has landed up at PGW JeevesInTheOffingBrinkley Court. He looks forward to enjoying the hospitality of his Aunt Dahlia, not to mention the exotic dishes whipped up by Anatole – God’s gift to the gastric juices. However, the joy is short-lived as he is surrounded by the likes of a potty ex-fiancée Bobbie Wickham, Mrs. Cream the crime writer, his favorite brain specialist Sir Roderick Glossop and his ex-headmaster Aubrey Upjohn. A tax-saving lucrative deal of Uncle Tom is at stake and a silver cow creamer has gone missing.

Jeeves returns and Bertie gets extricated from the imbroglio he has gotten himself into. Yes, there is a flip side. All concerned have to be first convinced – by Jeeves, who else – that Bertie is off his rocker and a kleptomaniac. With Bertie taking the rap for having stolen the silver cow creamer, everything else falls into place. Uncle Tom’s deal comes through.

Eventually, Bertie’s frayed nerves are soothed by the fact that he has sacrificed himself in the interests of his uncle. And, yes, there are always cocktails at hand to help!

Here is an important lesson for all professionals – meet the boss half-way through. Plan and offer help even before he himself asks for it. Your career is bound to go places.

Keep Trying till you Succeed

In Ring for Jeeves, to clear a financial obligation, the ninth Earl of Rowcester, Bill, is persuaded to purloin aPGW RingForJeeves diamond pendant from the persona of Mrs. Spottsworth, who is not only a guest but also a potential buyer of Rowcester Abbey. The first attempt, by using a ‘spider sequence’, results into the pendant instead finding its way into the recesses of the lady’s costume. A Charleston dance is then arranged, with the fond hope that the pendant gets dislodged from the lady’s costume and can then be retrieved unnoticed from the floor. This too fails.

A third attempt is then made. The lady is interested in psychical research and is keen on seeing Lady Agatha’s ghost. Jeeves offers to lure her away in the dead of night, claiming that the ghost has indeed made an appearance in the castle on the grounds, whereupon Bill enters her bedroom and secures the pendant. Mission accomplished.

There are times when difficulties sound insurmountable. Repeated failures bog us down. But with Jeeves egging us on with newer schemes, can success be far behind?

An Out-of-box Approach

When the situation becomes too hot to handle for the master, Jeeves does not shy away from recommending a tactical retreat. In some cases, a quiet escape merely amounts to a drive back to London from a stately estate out in the hinterland (Joy in the Morning, The Mating Season, etc). In ‘The Artistic Career of Corky’, as also elsewhere, when faced by the impending wrath of a formidable Aunt Agatha, a voyage across the Atlantic helps Bertie Wooster to earn mental reprieve.

To Jeeves, ends are more important than the means. However, he eventually delivers solace and comfort to his boss, PGW ThankYouJeeveswho continues to live his idle bachelor life without an interruption.

In Thank You, Jeeves, Bertie Wooster is finally persuaded to impersonate the loony doctor Sir Roderick Glossop and to appear as an accused in a case in which he is not even remotely at fault. The result is that a real estate deal gets firmed up between Pop Stoker and Chuffy; also, a wedding gets finalized between Chuffy and Pauline Stoker. In turn, this releases Bertie from the obligation of getting married to Pauline. All this happens because Jeeves quietly manages to secure a telegram from USA indicating that the late Mr. Stoker’s will is getting contested, thus leading to reconciliation between Pop Stoker and Sir Roderick.

A Feudal Outlook

Throughout the memoirs of Bertie, Jeeves displays an abiding commitment to his master.

In Ring for Jeeves, the gentleman of gentlemen is temporarily assisting Bill. Eventually, a letter comes in from Bertie that even though he had won a prize at sock darning, it was found that he had used an old woman to do the work. The scandal has affected him deeply and Jeeves feels that his place is by the side of his master. He therefore declines a generous offer of employment by Bill.

Consider Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves. Suspected of stealing a statuette from the collection of Pop Bassett, the youngPGW StiffUpperLip master is cooling his heels in a police bin. Jeeves has a job offer from Sir Watkyn Bassett. Jeeves accepts the offer on the condition that the latter refrains from pressing the charges, thereby securing freedom for Bertie. When Jeeves shares the news with Bertie, he can hardly believe his ears. Jeeves clears the mystery thus:

‘I think it more than possible that after perhaps a week or so, differences will arise between Sir Watkyn and myself, compelling me to resign my position. In that event, if you are not already suited, sir, I shall be most happy to return to your employment.’

Senior managers at all levels fervently wish to have many such committed team members supporting them!

Breaking the Eggs to Make an Omelette

In Right Ho, Jeeves, Gussie Fink-Nottle – a teetotaler – ends up distributing prizes at Market Snodsbury Grammar PGW RightHoJeevesSchool after getting duly sozzled up. With so much of the right stuff sloshing about within him, he comes up with a highly comic performance. Unfortunately, his betrothed, Madeline Bassett, takes a rather dim view of the whole affair and ends up putting him on notice. On the rebound, she ends up hitching her lot with the hapless Bertie who is now stuck with the prospect of a saunter down the aisle with the goofy lady who thinks stars are god’s daisy chain.

Jeeves makes Bertie ring the fire alarm bell at the stroke of midnight hour, leaving the entire family out in the cold, apparently locked out of the living quarters of Brinkley Court. All of them are upset with Bertie who is then made to fetch the house keys by means of a futile eighteen-mile midnight ride on a bicycle without a lamp. Meanwhile, various members of the group start ironing out their respective differences. Even Gussie and Madeline reunite, thereby getting Bertie off the hook.

The dialogue at the end of the ordeal says it all:

Bertie: ‘I suppose you might say that all is well that ends well’.

Jeeves: ‘Very apt, sir’.

Bertie: ‘All the same, your methods are a bit rough, Jeeves’.

Jeeves: ‘One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs, sir’.

The message is that when you wish to unite a team the members of which do not see eye to eye, bring in a person who can become the center of common animosity and see how quickly the team becomes united once again.

A logical extension is that mention a grandiose vision to your team members and see how charged up they get about doing their own bit to achieve solid results.

Extensive Knowledge Helps

In Ring for Jeeves, Sir Roderick Carmoyle and his wife Monica Rory consult Jeeves on the matter of choosing a favorite for the upcoming Derby. They are baffled at the depth of knowledge Jeeves possesses about the chances of various horses competing for the top slot at the Derby. He manages to quote names, lineage, timings and quite a few other details of various contestants, leaving both of them dazzled.

In Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit, the inimitable valet comes up with a lucid explanation of holding a much coveted PGW JeevesAndTheFeudalSpiritpearl necklace to be a poor intimation. The result is two-fold: an otherwise meek husband L G Trotter ends up dominating his aggressive better half; Ma Trotter’s brother ends up confessing his having pawned the real necklace to raise funds for a play written by the love of his life, Florence Craye, who loses no time in accepting him as a soul mate. In turn, this leads to Bertie being relieved from the life-long prospect of having to read and memorize intellectual stuff like that of Spinoza and company.

Poems, quotations, literary quips and an extensive knowledge of diverse affairs are some of the unique qualities of Jeeves. He is apt to pull out one fit for any occasion, essentially to register a point and to explain his own analytical endeavors. Similar qualities come in handy for any manager who wishes to lead a team in an effective manner.

Nerves of Steel

Howsoever grave the situation at hand, Jeeves shows virtually no sign of agitation. At the very worst, a minor flicker of one of his eyebrows is the only sign that the situation is indeed grave. When the young master is jumping about like a cat on hot tin roof, Jeeves maintains his equipoise and calm.

When the master waxes eloquent on a critical occurrence, Jeeves favorite responses are either ‘Indeed, sir?’ or ‘Disturbing, sir’. Understandably, this infuriates Bertie more often than not.

A tough inner core is what it all amounts to – a quality many business leaders would like to imbibe and emulate. Unfortunately, they don’t teach this at Harvard.

Listening with Respectful Benevolence

This is one of the many admirable qualities that Jeeves possesses. When a character comes across a baffling situation, all he/she has to do is to share it with him, pretty assured that he would lend a respectful ear. Often, when the young master comes up with a fruity scheme which he wants to handle all by himself, Jeeves is all sympathy and benevolence. This, despite the knowledge that pretty soon he would be called upon to lend a helping hand so as to PGWodehouseextricate the master from a royal mess of his own creation.

All of us need a Jeeves in our lives!

Jeeves is a man of extraordinary sagacity and never fails to deliver the goods. He can be relied upon to untangle the most ferocious of muddles that people may land in.

It does not really matter which profession one follows in life. Whether one is a manager, a doctor, a technocrat or an artist, there are valuable insights available from Jeeves in handling one’s affairs.

Literature is replete with characters which tell us how to get out of a messy situation in our lives. P G Wodehouse has undoubtedly left behind an idyllic world for us to marvel at and enjoy and learn from. What is presented here is merely a modest attempt to capture a very small slice of the delightful universe of his works.

(Related Posts:

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2013/11/13/when-jeeves-takes-charge-2-0

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2017/12/13/a-brand-called-jeeves)

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Quite a few of the managers I run into are frustrated because they could never make it to the top slot. The corner office with plush seating and an exclusive wash room has somehow always managed to elude them. I admit that the power and pelf a Number One slot bestows upon a manager is alluring as well as intoxicating. But I believe that being a Number Two is also not too bad a proposition; in fact, it could be more rewarding, instructive and exciting!PROMOTIONS

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating a drive against perfection or excellence in whatever you do. I am only trying to say that there is divine contentment in being a Number Two as well – relish it!

The Perils of Being a Number One

Being a Number One is rewarding as well as challenging. Take it from someone like me who has been at the top of a pyramid several times in his career. There are obvious drawbacks to reaching the top, and let me sum these up.

  1. When one does get to occupy the corner office, one gets no one to talk to freely. One may be lucky to have a few unsuspecting souls whom he can use as a sounding board for his ideas. But there is no denying that such team members who listen to the top boss respectfully could very well be those who believe in merely being ‘Yes Men’.
  2. Even if one gets a nay-sayer, there is no guarantee that he does not suffer from a tendency towards premature ejaculation, spilling the beans to a group of his own confidantes, thereby nipping all well thought out plans in the bud. In other words, one may be commanding fake respect, but not necessarily genuine loyalty.
  3. The sheer pressure of being a part of the rat race is rather high. Ensuring that one remains unchallenged in one’s top position brings along a level of stress that many may not be able to handle for long. If they do so, it could be at the cost of either health or quality time with their near and dear ones.
  4. One has to constantly watch over oneself to ensure that the ego does not balloon into something unmanageable. If humility does not come to one naturally, the stress builds up faster.

Being Number One does not necessarily imply that one is happy and satisfied. If so, one may be making good money but not having fun. Could it be really worth it?

The Perks of Being a Number Two

You Are Responsible, Not Accountable

The boss decides the overall paradigm and the goal to be achieved. Like the captain of a ship who has a better and wider perspective on things, he decides the course to be taken. Your own task becomes simpler to that extent. Sure enough, you add value by providing operational feedback which could alter the course quite effectively. In other words, you may be responsible, but it is he who is accountable!

Extra Time on Your Hands

The poor guy also takes the rap for all the failures. So, that leaves you with enough time to catch up with other pleasures at the work place – like, hob-nobbing with the HR guys to keep an ear to the ground, sweetening up the Accounting devils to ensure that all your claims get settled fast, chatting up with the legal eagles to ensure that your operations are free of any blemishes, and to network with other departmental heads so as to derive synergistic benefits for your own area of work.

Managing Insecurity of Your Boss

You know how insecure some of the top bosses are. Of course, this is internal to them and is never meant to be displayed publically. At times, you might have felt that your salary is getting paid only to ensure that his mental balance is always under control – a unique privilege, to say the least. Many a times, a boss gets so worked up about an insignificant issue that you need to intervene without delay – either taking the responsibility of resolving the problem yourself, or by simply diverting his mind to another pressing problem.

Some Role Models

Being a King Maker (and not a King) has its unique advantages. When you offer yourself as a sounding board, you can give sane advice as and when asked for. In our scriptures, you might have admired the sage counsel of people like Vidura (of Mahabharat fame) and Chanakya (advisor to Chandra Gupta Maurya).

In literature, if you have been introduced to the chronicles of Bertie Wooster, you would have admired the feudal spirit of Jeeves who invariably comes to the aid of the young master in his hour of peril.

These people could perhaps be the role model for those of us who are relegated to a Number Two slot in our careers.

Continue Honing Your Technical Skills

There are professions in which an elevation means getting away from honing one’s technical expertise further and instead getting bogged down with administrative hassles. Ask a doctor who has become a Medical Superintendent or a teacher who has risen to the level of a Principal; in all likelihood, they would readily attest to having experienced this syndrome.

You Always Try Harder

The best advantage you drive from being a Number Two is that of immense learning and untiring efforts towards improving your own performance. You cannot afford the luxury of being complacent. You always try to work better, because somewhere deep within you, you cannot get rid of the desire to attain the top slot some day!

I believe this logic applies to companies as well. Decades back, Nirma gave sleepless nights to HUL. Samsung is now beating Nokia at its own game. There are several David-Goliath type cases in the industry which justify this belief.

Being Number Two means that you always have a high testosterone level in your blood stream, thereby making you more aggressive and a highly focussed achiever.  The fire in the belly remains unabated.

The Flip Side

On the flip side, by being Number Two, you run the risk of becoming a scape goat at times. Too long a sojourn in this slot could either mean that the company has stopped growing, or that you have overstayed your welcome. If so, seeking greener pastures could be a solution.

A Disclaimer!

My arguments in favour of being a Number Two might have made you jump to a conclusion that I am a lazy bum, devoid of burning ambition and a fire in the belly! Or, I am a manager who believes only in abdication and not in delegation. Or, even worse, that I am rudderless drifter!

With all emphasis at my command, I deny all such insinuations! Rather, allow me to urge upon you not to lose sleep if you have just missed that coveted elevation to a Number One slot recently!

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Going by the caption, I guess you imagine me to be a Casanova of sorts, with a bevy of beauties chasing me, eager to swamp me with their irresistible charms. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am a simpleton, in looks as well as in physique. If ever there was an Oscar awarded to people who excel in projecting a permanently-worried-and-constipated look on their not-so-handsome faces, I would have won it long time ago. God has not endowed me with the kind of exceptional grey matter that appeals to the fairer of our species. Even those with the most fertile imagination may not call me either bold or dashing. I am your average middle-class guy, leading an average life – a conformist to the core. Well, that about sums me up!

If so, which mistresses am I talking about? Well, my wife is of the firm belief that even if we both are tied in holy matrimony by virtue of having taken the seven sacred wows while rounding a ceremonial fire as per traditional Hindu rites, I do not pay her the kind of attention she deserves. She claims that I am always engaged in pursuing courtship with the other interests in my life, namely, my career, my profound love for books and my infatuation with such technical gizmos as laptops, smart-phones, internet-savvy television sets, et al. She claims that all these extra-marital affairs of mine deprive her of an exclusive access to my love and affection, increasing her sense of abandonment and isolation.

Career obviously takes the first priority for me, much to the exclusion of family and other interests. Having come up in life due to an excellent education provided for by my parents long time back, I am mortally afraid of jeopardizing my career growth prospects just because a Parent Teacher Meeting is scheduled for the very day on which an all important client meeting is due to take place. Or, taking leave for a day to show a movie to a bunch of giggly kids from my in-laws’ side who have suddenly decided to swoop down on us, taking our hospitality for granted.

If an assignment needs me to lead my team for up to 15 hours on most days, I feel I have to be physically present in office there to buck them up. But my better half could not disagree with me more. Invariably, I am held responsible for having “married” my job, as also the company I work for.

Another “marriage” I get blamed for is that of my fondness for reading and writing. Savoring my early morning cup of tea, accompanied by the latest edition of The Hindu, I often get lost in its thought-provoking editorials. This is a sight that makes her register a strong protest in no uncertain terms. I am supposed to help her instead in deciding the sari she is supposed to wear when some guests arrive for dinner that day, followed of course by a long list of provisions I have to shop for on my return from office.Bertie image

Late at night, if I curl up in bed with my Kindle e-book reader, enjoying the escapades of Bertie Wooster trying to wriggle out of an impending walk down the aisle with a goofy female like Madeline Bassett, subtly assisted by the inimitable Jeeves, her priority would be to update me either with the misdemeanors of the maid servant during the day, or some gossip about the neighbor’s daughter.

On a lazy Sunday forenoon, if I am found composing a new article while sitting in front of my laptop, all hell would break loose. I shall either receive a sermon on the sacrosanct duties and responsibilities of a householder, or simply get asked if I can help her in locating her spectacles. My tenuous thought process having got disrupted thus, the creative juices would stop flowing, leading me to sigh in exasperation and grudgingly get back to the mundane affairs of life.

For a nationally acclaimed couch potato like me, it is easy for me to empathize with my wife when she thinks that the television set in the house is yet another mistress whose charms I find more alluring. When it comes to attracting my attention, it is definitely her arch-rival, especially if Amitabh Bacchhan’s baritone voice is wafting in the air, posing the next question to a participant in the quiz show “Kaun Banega Crorepati”.

Anyhow, let me confess that I enjoy such affairs with these mistresses only when my better-half is around, pottering about in the kitchen and running the household affairs as efficiently as only she can. The male of the species can surely pursue their “other interests”, but let them not take their wives for granted. Take a wife  out of the scenario, and the charm of all the extra-marital affairs would simply evaporate!

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