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Posts Tagged ‘P G Wodehouse’

In the last post, we considered the political leanings of Roderick Spode and Harold Winship, aka Ginger. Here are two more characters of a political nature we come across in Plumsville.

The challenge of handling hecklers

Let us look at some of the challenges faced by Mr. John Bickersdyke, manager of the London branch of the New Asiatic Bank, who is a keen aspirant for a Parliamentary slot. He has the singular misfortune of having the immaculate and loquacious Psmith working under his supervision.  (Psmith in the City)

He might have been defeated in an earlier attempt by a couple of thousand votes. He might have now switched overPsmith from being a Liberal to a Unionist. All this does not deter him from making a speech at the local Town Hall.

However, Kenningford, S. E., happens to be a tough place. The electorate is more inclined towards a robust kind of humour which could even incite such physical acts as smashing shop-windows and kicking policemen.

This is how Wodehouse sums up political meetings:

‘All political meetings are very much alike. Somebody gets up and introduces the speaker of the evening, and then the speaker of the evening says at great length what he thinks of the scandalous manner in which the Government is behaving or the iniquitous goings-on of the Opposition. From time to time confederates in the audience rise and ask carefully rehearsed questions, and are answered fully and satisfactorily by the orator. When a genuine heckler interrupts, the orator either ignores him, or says haughtily that he can find him arguments but cannot find him brains. Or, occasionally, when the question is an easy one, he answers it. A quietly conducted political meeting is one of England’s most delightful indoor games. When the meeting is rowdy, the audience has more fun, but the speaker a good deal less.’

Armed with a penetrating, if harsh, voice, Mr. Bickersdyke begins well. He casts a spell over his audience. He says a couple of nasty things about Free Trade and the Alien Immigrant and then turns to the Needs of the Navy and the necessity of increasing the fleet at all costs.

‘This is no time for half-measures,’ he said. ‘We must do our utmost. We must burn our boats–‘
‘Excuse me,’ said a gentle voice.
‘How,’ asked Psmith, ‘do you propose to strengthen the Navy by burning boats?’

The inane question breaks the spell. The story of ‘Three Men in a Boat’ is used to amuse the audience. When Mr.

Psmith 1909 by T. M. R. Whitwell

Psmith 1909 by T. M. R. Whitwell

Bickersdyke goes on to point out the lack of genuine merit in the achievements of His Majesty’s Government, applause follows.

The irrepressible Psmith once again interrupts and points out that the story is not an original one. A fiasco follows. How Psmith manages his boss the next day is something to be learnt from.

Mr. Bickersdyke ends up winning the election, though with a slender margin over his opponent, about whose background some damaging revelations get circulated on the eve of the poll, projecting him as a German spy.

Astute politicians always ensure that their speeches are cleverly crafted and dramatically delivered. These are designed to be monologues, interspersed either with loud applause from the audience or with sloganeering, cheering and flag-waiving from time to time.

A mulish cop who refuses to stand for Parliament

A member of the Drones Club, Stilton is a hulking chap with a large head compared to a pumpkin and a ‘face that looked like a slab of pink dough’. He is educated at Eton and Oxford, but considered a fine fellow only ‘as far northwards as the neck’.

In Joy in the Morning, we find him to be the local cop at Steeple Bumpleigh. However, his fiancée, Florence Craye, does not approve of his career choice. Here is a part of the exchange of views on the subject between her and Bertie:JoyInTheMorning

‘I should have thought you would have been rather bucked about it all. As giving evidence of Soul, I mean.’
‘Soul?’
‘It shows he’s got a great soul.’
‘I should be extremely surprised to find that he has any soul above those great, clodhopping boots he wears. He is just pig-headed. I have reasoned with him over and over again. His uncle wants him to stand for Parliament and is prepared to pay all his expenses and to finance him generously for the rest of his life, but no, he just looks mulish and talks about earning his living. I am sick and tired of the whole thing, and I really don’t know what I shall do about it.’

Towards the end of the narrative, Stilton gets ticked off by Uncle Percy for forgetting his sacred obligations and bringing up wild and irresponsible accusations in a selfish desire to secure promotion. This revolting exhibition of fraud and skullduggery makes him resign from the Force, thereby restoring the romantic relations between him and Florence. Whether he eventually makes it to the Parliament is not known.

Politicos and their invaluable contribution to humour

Politics offers a great opportunity to humourists of all hues. Cartoonists are forever snapping at their heels, irrespective of their popularity at any given point in time. Writers keep coming up with articles which project the funnier side of their acts of omission and commission. Stand-up comedians earn their living based on scripts and acts which are centered on their misdemeanours.

We might love or hate politicos, but they do provide us comic relief. Their contribution to promoting diverse careers is indeed praiseworthy. Above all, they are marketing honchos who have perfected the art of selling dreams to their gullible public.

P G Wodehouse was not a political or social commentator. Yet, he gave us a handful of politically inclined characters. All of them happen to be as cranky in Wodehouse’s world, as indeed they are in ours.

I wonder if he ever etched out a political character from amongst the delicately nurtured of the Plumsville species. Aunt Agatha would have surely made a fine politician; so would have Joan Valentine and Sally!

(Related Posts:

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/10/10/politicos-in-plumsville-part-1

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2014/03/02/the-hapless-rozzers-in-plumsville)

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In Plumsville, we get to meet quite a few characters who happen to nurse political ambitions. Some happen to be born crusaders and revolutionaries. Others appear to have gravitated towards politics by chance. Yet others have a career in politics thrust upon them by a ruthless fiancée.

The name of Roderick Spode readily springs to our minds. Comrade Bingo’s revolutionary pals, the Heralds of the Red Dawn, pop up in our consciousness. Our grey cells remind us of the Hon’ble A. B. Filmer, the Cabinet Minister who gets readily intimidated by an angry swan.

The morally dubious Conservative and Unionist candidate Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe is another person whom we cannot afford to ignore. When not busy pinching sow-keepers and the Empress of Blandings, he plans to stand in a by-election in the Bridgeford and Shifley Parliamentary Division of Shropshire.

The candidature of John Bickersdyke, who has the singular misfortune of having the immaculate and loquacious Psmith working under his supervision at the London branch of the New Asiatic Bank, deserves a mention.

The list of honourable mentions cannot be complete without the hapless Ginger who endeavours to take up a political career merely to please his fiancée. In another narrative, the same fiancée aspires to influence the career of Stilton Cheesewright, who is otherwise content being a vigilant guardian of peace at Steeple Bumpleigh.

Here are some of the select specimens we come across.

Misinterpreting the Voice of the People

Roderick Spode and his nationalist Black Shorts gang happen to be shining examples of dictatorship, a form of CodeOfTheWoostersgovernance which does not depend upon the approval of the lay citizen. This is how Bertie Wooster expresses himself on the subject (The Code of the Woosters):

“The trouble with you, Spode, is that just because you have succeeded in inducing a handful of half-wits to disfigure the London scene by going about in black shorts, you think you’re someone. You hear them shouting “Heil, Spode!” and you imagine it is the Voice of the People. That is where you make your bloomer. What the Voice of the People is saying is: “Look at that frightful ass Spode swanking about in footer bags! Did you ever in your puff see such a perfect perisher?”

In the television series Jeeves and Wooster, Spode makes loud, dramatic speeches in which he announces bizarre statements of policy, such as giving each citizen at birth a British–made bicycle and umbrella, widening the rails of the entire British railway network, so sheep may stand sideways on trains, the banning of the import of foreign root-vegetables and the compulsory, scientific measurement of all male knees.

The perils of being affianced to a perfectionist

Then we have the curious case of Harold Winship, or Ginger, who is an old chum of Bertie’s. (Much Obliged, Jeeves)

When at school, he used to play a Damon to Bertie’s Pythias. He has been persuaded by his fiancée to stand for Parliament in the bye-election at Market Snodsbury.

‘But I was telling you about this business of standing for Parliament. First, of course, you have to get the nomination.’
‘How did you manage that?’
‘My fiancée fixed it. She knows one of the Cabinet ministers, and he pulled strings. A man named Filmer.’
‘Not A. B. Filmer?’
‘That’s right. Is he a friend of yours?’
‘I wouldn’t say exactly a friend. I came to know him slightly owing to being chased with him on to the roof of a sort of summer-house by an angry swan. This drew us rather close together for the moment, but we never became really chummy.’
‘Where was this?’
‘On an island on the lake at my Aunt Agatha’s place at Steeple Bumpleigh. Living at Steeple Bumpleigh, you’ve PGW MuchObligedJeevesprobably been there.’
He looked at me with a wild surmise, much as those soldiers Jeeves has told me about looked on each other when on a peak in Darien, wherever that is.
‘Is Lady Worpledon your aunt?’
‘And how.’
‘She’s never mentioned it.’
‘She wouldn’t. Her impulse would be to hush it up.’
‘Then, good Lord, she must be your cousin.’
‘No, my aunt. You can’t be both.’
‘I mean Florence. Florence Craye, my fiancée.’
It was a shock.

Florence, as we all know, is a perfectionist. She has no use for a loser. To keep her esteem you have to be a winner. Bertie and Jeeves must therefore pull out all stops to ensure that Ginger contests the election successfully.

We learn that besides securing a nomination, the work for a candidate is rather tough. He has to be a model of respectability; his past should bear the strictest investigation. He has to listen to addresses of welcome in stuffy halls through the better part of a night. He has to continue making speeches. He must kiss babies, even if they happen to be dribbling by the sides of their mouths.

(To be continued)

(Related Post: https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/10/12/politicos-in-plumsville-part-2)

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What ho!

Just a week to go for the birthday celebrations,

Some of you must be concluding your Plummy deliberations;

Whipping up some juicy anecdotes and posts,

Which can be read with much glee by the party hosts.

 

With doors shut, the brain firing on all twelve cylinders,

Time perhaps to pen down the life’s goofy blunders;

Creative juices sloshing about, a tissue restorative by your side,

Between us bosom pals, there is never a thing to hide.

 

There are no contests to be entered into, nor any prizes to be won,

Either with your brain or with your heart, just pen down a juicy one;

The soft inner glow of happiness is all that you would require,

A rainbow of adulation around your shoulders you will surely acquire.

(Relates post: https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2014/10/15/an-invitation-for-the-residents-of-plumsville)

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Oh my Wodehouse/Plum Pie

PGWodehouseWhat ho! Here is yet another juicy post from Neha Dsouza which the residents of Plumsville may like.

“Wodehouse is the perfect dose for an aching heart. Whether you’re a damsel in distress, a gentleman at leisure, a small bachelor or simply neck deep in hot water, whatever your problem may be, Wodehouse cures it all.

His books are literary doses of laughing gas. It doesn’t matter whether you chose to read his books for pure joy in the morning , during full moon or the mating season or even during summer lightning they are bound to tickle your funny bone.

If you’re down with spring fever or you have frozen assets due to ice in the bedroom, simply take a sizeable doze of Wodehouse.

With masterful comical storytelling and his ability to conjure something fresh with a very basic storyline, he is a literary humour therapist. So all you’ll need to do is lay back and leave it to Psmith or simply ring for Jeeves. And if your aunts aren’t gentlemen or you have an uncle dynamite, or you happen to see that some pigs have wings, simply dive into a Wodehouse book during cocktail time and wash down your anguish.

He will take you on an enthralling journey around Blandings castle. With the inimitable Jeeves by your side and an uncle Fred in springtime to whom you can confide, you will find a way out of heavy weather. So wipe away that frown, don a heart of goof, plop a Wodehouse book by your side and devour into a plate of eggs, beans and crumpets.”

(The original post can be found here: http://zephyrnick.blogspot.in/2015/05/oh-my-wodehouseplum-pie.html)

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The Truth About George

In Plumsville, the delicately nurtured get proposed to in many delightful ways. Here is an exquisite sample from Plumtopia, based on the lives of George and Susan.

Honoria Plum's avatarPlumtopia

1927 Meet Mr. Mulliner mycopyI asked my eight year old daughter to share her favourite Wodehouse romance and, after much umming and ahhhhing, she chose ‘The Truth About George’. In this short story (from Meet Mr. Mulliner) Mr Mulliner recounts the ordeal of his nephew George Mulliner, who must overcome his stammer in order to declare his love for Susan Blake.

Many Wodehouse couples are brought together through a common interest  — it might be golf, Tennyson’s poems, or a shared love of mystery novels, for ‘there is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature’ (‘Strychnine in the Soup’). In the case of avid cruciverbalists George Mulliner and Susan Blake, it is a love of crossword puzzles.

…George was always looking in at the vicarage to ask her if she knew a word of seven letters meaning ‘appertaining to the profession of plumbing’, and Susan was…

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My Top Five Wodehouse Books

One of the most arduous tasks a fan of P G Wodehouse can undertake is that of trying to prepare a list of her top five favourite works of the Master. The mind boggles. The heart flutters. The soul rebels.

Here is someone who has attempted the near-impossible and has come up with gratifying results.

zanyzigzag's avatarZanyzigzag's Blog

Greetings, dear readers! I have been away for almost the whole of August visiting family and friends back in the UK, so unfortunately I didn’t manage my usual monthly blogpost last month. Hopefully I can now get back on track with two posts in September.

I was thinking recently about my favourite Wodehouse books and decided to try and narrow my favourites down into a Top Five list. This includes two Jeeves books, one stand-alone, one Psmith book and the only full-length Ukridge book. I have not listed them in order of preference – that process would be too drawn-out and agonising – but I have composed a small summary for each one, detailing why I like that particular story and some of the stand-out moments in each book. I know this post will probably be much more interesting for my readers who also happen to be Wodehouse fans, however, I…

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Habitually late for work? What are the excuses you normally come up with? Are there special tactics to be adopted to win over in a potentially embarrassing situation?

P G Wodehouse is not about humour alone. He also has tips on such mundane affairs.

Here is yet another delectable post from Plumtopia. Pray that your obnoxious boss does not get to read it.

Honoria Plum's avatarPlumtopia

PSmith In The CityAs he stood near the doorway, one or two panting figures rushed up the steps, and flung themselves at a large book which stood on the counter near the door. Mike was to come to know this book well.

Psmith in the City

One of the minor curses of my day-to-day existence is being habitually late for work — not through personal tardiness, I hasten to add. Mine is not the life of Joss Weatherby (Quick Service), who oversleeps after late nights at the gambling table, or Barmy Fotheringay-Phipps (Barmy in Wonderland) who goes on toots with Mervyn Potter. No, I go to bed at an early hour and rise regularly at 5.00am to write.

Dragging myself away from writing is a struggle — I sympathise with Nicholas Jules St Xavier Auguste, Marquis de Maufringneuse et Valerie-Moberanne (French Leave) who cannot drag himself from…

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Horace Prosser (of ‘The Fat of the Land’ fame) now has competition – from the Empress of Blandings!

Here is a weighty composition from Idyll Dreams of an Idle Fellow that you are sure to relish.

Wiseguy From The East's avatarIdyll Dreams of an Idle Fellow

blandingsThe over-sizedempress Plum product
Written in response to a lead…. which overweight Wodehouse character would I like to be..?…

Honoria chucked a riddle at me
Which Plum creature would I like to be?
The only stipulation I need to watch
Is this denizen of Plumsville must be fond of starch
I wracked the excuse I have for a mind
Stout Plum creations, in order to find
But all those large forms that occurred to me
Were characters I would hate to be
Stinker Pyke….. the name says it all!
Claude Pott… is like creatures that crawl
R Jones ….is the creepiest spy
Bickersdyke….was Red in view and eye
The Duke of Dunstable is a Royal ass!
The efficient Baxter….I will gladly pass
It looks like Plum does not agree,
With those fellow beings, on an eating spree
But no! There’s Beach! He breaks the scale
Buttling, however, is beyond my…

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On the occasion of India’s Independence Day, our thoughts invariably turn to the Common Man!

ashokbhatia's avatarashokbhatia

R K Laxman Common Man

Happy are they who in this chaos of things
With the feet of time chasing them in the rear,
Continue to be Very Ignorable Persons
Living modestly, armed only with hope, doubt and fear.

In this uncertain and ambiguous world
Full of pompous VIPs of a different kind,
Happy are they, anchored on fixed belief
Immense wealth they do not need to mind.

Drunken driving they dare not indulge into
Lest the long arms of law catch up with them,
Disproportionate assets not to worry about
The poverty in their lives being the only gem.

They continue to chug along eking out a living
Facing the harsh slings and arrows of Fate,
Happy, contented, smiling, enjoying togetherness
Nurturing their family along with a soul mate.

Lining up for public facilities they are used to,
But they sleep well, relishing the small joys of life
They dream big for their younger…

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Dinner date with Plum

What ho! Here is a juicy post from Neha Dsouza which the residents of Plumsville may like.

Quote

It was quarter past seven and my date was late. I grew anxious; would he not show up? The waiter hovered around my table.
“Your order, ma’am?” he asked me for the third time.
“Il have tea and butter cookies”, said I
That got rid of him, temporarily.
I checked my watch, it was nearly half past seven. I concluded that my date had been hit by a bus. I decided to violate my code of womanly indifference and give him a call. It rang several times with no positive outcome. My date had been hit by a bus and the impact had dislodged his phone from his grip, undoubtedly.
My phone grunted, I received a text message. It was from my date. “Stuck at work, won’t make it, sorry”.
I sighed. I didn’t know him well, so my heart didn’t shatter all over the coffee shop floor. Neither did the song “I will survive” play in my head. I was all right, a little let down that’s all.
I decided to treat myself to the tea and cookies.

My mind wandered and my thoughts were all scattered when an old man plopped into the chair in front of me and flashed a broad smile.
He may have been somewhere in his mid-forties. To me that was old because I was, back then, merely twenty two.

“Do I know you?” I asked, without sounding too alarmed.
“Oh, don’t you?” He asked
“Are you Varun Sharma?” I asked half knowing he wasn’t.

He was a foreigner, most likely a Brit. His skin was pale and white, he had a receding hairline and a soft voice.
“Certainly not”
“What is your name?” I asked
“Plum”
“Plum?”
“It is odd isn’t it? To imagine that loving parents would name the object of their sexual labour as Plum” said he
“Surely it’s the full form for something” I asked
“Yes, Pelham”
“Pelham?”
“What ho” said he
I was stunned at this revelation.
The man was British, his accent gave away his origins, his clothing was outdated, something that may have been in vogue in the seventies. Could he be? No!
“What is your surname?” I asked.
“Wodehouse, pronounced as Wode-house and not Wood house” he replied.
I sank further into my chair. “Surely this is a dream?” I asked.
“No, I’m really here”
“But aren’t you dead?”
He flinched. “Yes I passed away sometime back”
“In your nineties, but you look 40”
“Yes because the soul doesn’t age, only the body does. I’m a soulfully forty something”
“But you are deceased?”
“Yes”
“Then how are you here?”
“Well you’ve been berating at the sky, day after day, night after night that you wished to see me and consult me with regards to your writing, so here I am”
My jaw dropped
“Jesus insisted I see you, he said it would take a load off of him, can’t let the good lord carry much load after that cross business , eh?”
He clicked his tongue
“Oh my god” said I faintly.
“Please call me plum”
“It’s a dream come true”
“You flatter me too much, most people cry at the heavens for a chat with Michael Jackson and Elvis”
“How is heaven?” I asked
“Can’t divulge much, I’m bound by the sacrament of secrecy, but I can assure you it’s a giant drones club floating in the sky”
He signalled to the waiter to bring the menu.
The waiter did so with eagerness.
Mr. Wodehouse sainted through its contents, and ordered a Shepard’s pie and roly-poly pudding.
Once the waiter was out of sight and earshot he said “Mumbai is very obscene about her display of class distinction”
“I beg your pardon?”
“The cleanliness of a street is directly proportionate to the wealth possessed by the people who reside in the apartments adjoining them”.PGWodehouse

I agreed with this sentiment as the effervescent aroma of food being baked filled the café.

“So, Neha, what made you call for me? How can I help you?”
My eyes widened and I turned a shade red.
“I want to be a writer”
“Do you write every day?” He asked
“Yes”
“Well, then you’re already a writer”
“A published writer. A writer like you. Do you know that you have a huge fan following. We have a community on Facebook that discusses your work.”

His face lit up “but my dear child, I did not write to get famous, I wrote to entertain”
I may have looked confused and so he continued saying “Fame is very temporary and not largely satisfying”

My face fell, Plum took my hand, patted it and said “To be a good writer, you must first ask yourself, why do people read?”
“To get away from the monotony of daily existence?” said I
“Yes and?”
“To be transported into a different world far beyond their own”
“Yes and?”
“People also read to increase knowledge and enhance vocabulary”
“Precisely, reading is a selfish pursuit, people read to gain something. Writing cannot be a selfish pursuit. Writing must and had to be selfless and unconditional”
“I don’t understand”
“Reading is a form of escape and reader’s turn to us writers to help them escape. Their minds are at our disposal and we can chose what we want to do with it. Now my endeavour always was to uplift the spirit of my readers. You are free to lead the reader down a rabbit hole to a mad hatter’s tea party, or through a cupboard to a Narnia, through a pillar at King’s cross station to Hogwarts or to an isolated town in West America into the mind of an imbalanced girl who seeks validation through romantic trysts with werewolves and vampires. Where you lead your reader is purely your choice, and whether they want to come with you is entirely their choice. But writing is a form of giving and self-sacrifice. Selfishness and writing do not go hand in hand”

“But didn’t you enjoy the adulation and appreciation?” I asked
“I did, but I didn’t write plainly for the adulation. Remember this, you have to bleed so that your readers feel the pinch, you have to stir every sense and awaken your reader’s sleepy conscious. When your heart breaks, they should feel a splinter pierce their heart. You have to give yourself entirely, in body, spirit and soul to your reader. You have to lose a little bit of yourself, a little bit of your mind with every book or poem you write. That’s why I call it a selfless pursuit and that’s also why writers are a dashed crazy lot.”
I remained silent and absorbed the dose of knowledge
“Lastly, you must not seek validation through your work.”
“Then what must I seek?
“Satisfaction”
The waiter appeared and placed the pie in front of me. My tongue salivated at the aroma of freshly baked mince. I raised my eyes from the pie and looked over at the chair facing me. Mr. Wodehouse wasn’t there. I scanned the entire café, he was nowhere in sight. I looked over at my notebook and noticed that I had scribbled haphazardly in it.
The waiter appeared again with the roly poly pudding and said to me “Madam, I would highly recommend that you have the pudding with plums”
I beamed!

Unquote

Hope you enjoyed it. The original may be accessed at: http://zephyrnick.blogspot.in/2015/08/dinner-date-with-plum.html.

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