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The youth today live in technology-infested times which run closer to the speed of thought. Besides performing well at their jobs in accordance with their business leaders’ exhortations to work ninety hours a week, they have to cope with such delicate matters of the heart as maintaining relationships, situationships, and even mini-micro alliances, sans a commitment of any kind. If some are lucky to reach their romantic goals, there are many others who fail. They get up in the middle of the night to check if their current heartthrob has answered their latest missive on WhatsApp. In the absence of one or realising that their number itself has been blocked by the party of the other part, a sense of gloom envelopes them. A state of despondency follows. Some of them feel as if life has come to a dead end. A sense of lack of self-worth follows. Rejection stares them in the face.

The Sting of Rejection    

Rejection is said to be a universal experience, but few words capture its sting better than Mirza Ghalib’s timeless couplet:

‘Nikalna khuld se Adam ka sunte aaye hain lekin,
Bade beabru ho kar tere kuche se hum nikle.’

Which translates to (according to my humble sense of English):

“We have heard of Adam’s fall from Eden’s gate,

But I was cast from your street in a far worse fate.”

This poignant verse reminds us that rejection feels deeply personal, like being cast out of paradise itself. For many, the road to recovery feels arduous. But as you journey through this article, you will see that rejection, though painful, is not the end. By the end of this journey, you might even find yourself humming a tune of resilience and joy.

It has been immortalised in poetry, literature, and song, proving that unrequited love is as old as humanity itself. Shakespeare, with his knack for articulating the ineffable, said it best in Twelfth Night:

“If music be the food of love, play on,

Give me excess of it; that, surfeiting,

The appetite may sicken, and so die.”

In other words, even the Bard himself recognised the bittersweet ache of rejection.

Yet, rejection is not a closed door; it is merely a redirection. As Robert Burns mused in A Red, Red Rose, love’s pain is as much a part of the human condition as its joys. While rejection spares no one, this article shines a light on the unique challenges men face, from societal pressures to emotional expectations. It offers a humorous yet empathetic lens to navigate this universal experience.

But before diving into the tales of resilience and humour, let us first unravel the many reasons behind romantic rejections.

Why Rejections Happen

Romantic rejection is a dance as old as time, its steps often clumsy and fraught with miscommunication. Why does it happen? The reasons are many. Sometimes, it is a simple lack of compatibility—a collision of two worlds that fail to align. At other times, it is the timing: meeting the right person at the wrong time or vice versa. Social conventions, family expectations, or even the mysterious workings of the human heart often create barriers.

In a world of ever-shifting expectations and instant communication, misunderstandings and mismatched desires are common culprits in any episode of romantic rejection. Yet, understanding these dynamics can help demystify the pain and bring clarity to the situation. Often, rejection is less about the person being rejected and more about circumstances, timing, incompatible goals, or a stark mismatch between the value systems of two souls.

Consider Kipling’s words in his poem If:

“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same…”

For all its inevitability in the course of life, rejection is not without its sting. It is a curious mix of bruised ego and wounded hope, a moment that can leave even the most self-assured feeling disheartened. To pretend it does not hurt would be a folly. While the rainstorm may feel unwelcome, it clears the air for brighter days. Rejection, too, serves as a temporary squall, one that will pass, leaving behind a wiser and stronger self.

Tales from the Epics: Lessons in Rejection

Rejection is an ancient theme, and even the heroes of great epics have faced it. These stories demonstrate that being turned down, though painful, often becomes a defining moment in a person’s journey, shaping their character and decisions. However, they also serve as cautionary tales of how unresolved rejection can spiral into bitterness or tragedy.

Consider the story of Karna from the Mahabharata. During Draupadi’s swayamvara, Karna, a warrior of unmatched skill and bravery, is rejected outright when Draupadi declares she will not marry someone of uncertain lineage. Publicly humiliated, Karna’s bitterness festers and influences his alliances and decisions, leading to devastating consequences during the Kurukshetra war. His story is a powerful reminder of how unaddressed emotions from rejection can ripple destructively through one’s life.

Similarly, in The Iliad, Achilles feels slighted when Briseis, his war prize, is taken from him. Though not a romantic rejection, the perceived insult plunges him into a spiral of rage and withdrawal. His refusal to fight leads to the death of his close friend, Patroclus, a tragedy that forces Achilles to confront the cost of his wounded pride.

In the Odyssey, Odysseus’s encounters with rejection are more symbolic, but they highlight the importance of perseverance in the face of adversity. His unwavering determination to return to his wife, Penelope, and reclaim his kingdom reflects how resilience can prevent rejection from devolving into despair or destructive behaviour.

In modern contexts, such unresolved emotions can have equally dire consequences. Many tragic stories emerge from individuals who, unable to process rejection, spiral into harmful behaviours—hurting themselves or others. From violent outbursts to long-lasting emotional scars, unaddressed rejection can take a dangerous toll. It underscores the critical need to develop emotional resilience and seek healthy outlets for processing these experiences.

These stories, spanning cultures and eras, echo a universal truth: rejection is a part of life’s fabric. What matters is how we respond—whether we let it define us or use it as a catalyst for growth, wisdom, and a deeper understanding of our place in the world.

Modern-Day Tales of Rejection

From digital ghosting to public embarrassments, rejection wears many faces in today’s world, and here is how some navigated through it.

  1. The Coffee Refund Request
    In Sydney, a man requested a refund for a coffee he purchased on a date that did not meet his expectations. After the woman expressed disinterest, he sent her a payment request for $6. This unusual reaction garnered attention online and sparked debates about entitlement in dating.
  2. Astrological Overshare
    Chloe Ferrari shared an embarrassing personal story where, after being rejected, she coped by excessively discussing astrology and tarot readings with her friends. While harmless, the incident left her cringing at her own over-analysis of the rejection.
  3. Public Humiliation at a School Dance
    A teenager’s rejection at a school dance became a public ordeal when the girl’s friends repeatedly relayed her disinterest throughout the day. The boy’s embarrassment served as a harsh reminder of how peer dynamics can amplify rejection.
  4. Digital Ghosting
    In the age of online dating, ghosting has become an ordinary form of rejection. One Reddit user recounted how an intense emotional connection developed over weeks disappeared without explanation, leaving them questioning their self-worth.
  5. The Entitled Ex
    A man who was rejected after a brief romantic encounter became infamous online for his persistence in trying to rekindle the relationship. His entitled behaviour was widely criticised as an inability to accept rejection gracefully.
  6. Cultural Mismatches
    Cultural differences often contribute to romantic rejections. One story highlighted a relationship that ended due to family pressures and differing cultural expectations, leaving both individuals feeling torn between personal desires and societal norms.
  7. Extreme Responses
    A tragic case involved Antonio Wilson, who reacted violently after being rejected by a woman he had recently met. This devastating incident underscored the importance of emotional regulation and the dangers of taking rejection too personally.
  8. Rejection Leading to Growth
    Many stories online feature individuals who used rejection as a catalyst for personal growth. One individual shared how a painful breakup inspired them to pursue a long-dormant passion for art, eventually leading to a career change.
  9. Social Media Missteps
    Rejection through social media miscommunications is increasingly common. In one instance, a person’s message to a potential partner was misconstrued, leading to a rejection that could have been avoided with clearer communication.
  10. Violent Reprisals: In deeply patriarchal societies like those of India, we keep hearing about cases where rejection could result in either an acid attack or even death for the female who is supposed to have meekly accepted a proposal.

Rejection: A nudge from the universe?

But why linger in the shadow of rejection when the world offers an abundance of opportunities to move forward? But while some rejections sting, others, when seen in a rear-view mirror, can be downright amusing. Perhaps this is the perfect moment to sign up for that art class you have been eyeing or to rediscover an old hobby. Each new endeavour not only serves as a distraction but as a gateway to fresh connections and experiences. Let rejection be the beginning of something exciting—a new chapter in your story, one that is brimming with promise.

Let us consider another angle—what if rejection was not a loss but a rescue mission in disguise? Sometimes, the very person whose approval you were seeking might not have been the best fit for your life. Imagine being tied to someone who critiques your choice of socks or insists that pineapple belongs on pizza (the horror!). Rejection, in such cases, is not a rejection of you, but a quiet nudge from the universe saying, “You are dodging a bullet here, mate.”

So, the next time you feel the sting of rejection, think of it as a form of celestial quality control—a chance to wait for someone whose quirks and kindness complement yours, rather than someone who sees you as a “project” to be fixed. After all, is freedom not better than being saddled with someone who might have made your life a continuous “series of unfortunate events”?

Finding Comfort in Wodehouse’s World

Not everyone reacts to rejection the same way. While some graciously accept their fate, others let rejection gnaw at them—brooding over imagined slights, raging against rivals, or sinking into self-pity. Then there are some, like Psmith (Leave it to Psmith), who refuse to take a no as an answer and even go to the extent of lying through their teeth to win over the party of the other part amid a boat ride. Also consider the case of Sam Shotter (Sam the Sudden) who does not get stupefied when his first impulsive kiss ends up offending Kay Derrick. He persists. He even gets injured while trying to rescue Kay’s cat from atop a tree, eventually tilting the scales in his favour.

For those who feel rejection is the end of the road, P. G. Wodehouse’s works might help by showing that every setback carries the potential for laughter and growth. His stories transport us to a world where heartbreak is tinged with hilarity and optimism is always just around the corner. Wodehouse’s characters endure romantic calamities, yet they emerge unscathed—often better off.

Wodehouse’s characters showcase a wide spectrum of responses:

  • The Diplomatic Resigner (Henry in Frozen Assets):  When rejected by Kay, he quietly accepts it, shrugs, and exits stage left.
  • The Jealous Brooder (Arthur Welsh in When Doctors Disagree): Turns suspicious and miserable but does not refrain from jousting like a knight in shining armour.
  • The Misunderstood Optimist (Bertie Wooster) – Laughs it off and moves on, seeing rejection as just another twist in life’s comedy. He is often misunderstood, even while planting a brotherly kiss on the cheeks of a lady with whom he might have been engaged at some point of time in the past. Many of his misguided rivals call him a snake in the grass.
  • The Persistent Wooer (like Psmith and Sam, as above, and George Emerson, a Hong Kong Police Officer (Something Fresh) who eventually succeeds in convincing Aline to elope with him.
  • The Rejection Technocrat (Bobby Wickham) who has perfected the art of engineering rejections in her favour, as in Mr. Potter Takes a Rest Cure, and in Jeeves in the Offing.
  • The Sulker, like the Nodder, who, when rejected, turns to food for comfort.

At its heart, Wodehouse’s world suggests the best way to handle rejection – with humour. His characters may falter, but they never let rejection define them—they dust themselves off, find something (or someone) else to amuse them and carry on.

Wodehouse’s genius lies not just in his comic prose but also in his ability to show that every setback is a setup for a delightful comeback. His characters stumble, falter, and fall, but they rise with an unwavering sense of humour that is nothing short of inspiring. They pick up the fragments of their crushed souls, reassemble them together with the glue of equanimity, and march on to greener pastures. In their resilience, readers find a comforting reminder that no setback is insurmountable. His wisdom lies in showing us that rejection is never the end but a bend in the road, often leading to a brighter future. This is how Rudyard Kipling puts it:

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs…
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it…”

Wodehouse himself often revels in the relief his characters feel after narrowly escaping unsuitable matches. Bertie Wooster, for instance, pops champagne every time he wriggles free from Madeline Bassett’s dreamy clutches. In the grand scheme of things, rejection may simply be a way of sparing you from a relationship that might have been, let us say, less of a romantic comedy and more of a psychological thriller.

Rejection is often mistakenly seen as a judgment of one’s character or worth, but this could not be farther from the truth. Much like Bertie Wooster, who never allows a broken engagement to dampen his unshakable spirit, you too can rise above the moment. Your value is intrinsic, unshaken by external opinions.

Often, it is others who can see your brilliance when you are blinded by the fog of rejection. Let this be a reminder that your self-worth is untouchable, regardless of any romantic setback.

If handling rejections is an art, then Bertie Wooster, ably assisted by Jeeves, is its Picasso.

The Pale Parabola of Rejection in Wodehouse’s World

When the world seems bleak and rejection has you questioning your charms, there is no better balm than the tales of P. G. Wodehouse. His stories remind us that life’s hiccups, including romantic rejections, can often be blessings in disguise, served by the universe with a generous dash of humour. Let us delve into some of his timeless works where even the downtrodden and rejected find their way to a jolly good resolution!

1. Jeeves in the Offing

  • Synopsis: Bertie Wooster is surprised to find from an announcement in The Times that he has willy-nilly become engaged to Roberta “Bobbie” Wickham. The latter’s motive is to put a pressure on her mother to instead approve of her plans to walk down the aisle with Reginald “Kipper” Herring. With Jeeves’s assistance, the engagement is amicably dissolved, and Bobbie gets engaged to Kipper, allowing Bertie to return to his bachelor life.
  • Best for: Individuals entangled in unintended romantic commitments seeking a graceful exit.
  • Quote to Recharge: “You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.”

2. The Rummy Affair of Old Biffy

  • Synopsis: Biffy Biffen becomes engaged to Honoria Glossop but realizes they are incompatible. Despite initial despair, he eventually finds happiness elsewhere, illustrating that initial rejections can lead to better outcomes.
  • Best for: Those mourning the end of a mismatched relationship, seeking hope for future compatibility.
  • Quote to Recharge: “The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”

3. The Story of Webster

  • Synopsis: Bingo Little’s affection for Mary Burgess is unreciprocated. He finds solace in the companionship of Webster, highlighting the comfort pets can provide during emotional lows.
  • Best for: Individuals experiencing unrequited love, seeking comfort in non-human companionship.
  • Quote to Recharge: “It is a good rule in life never to apologise. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”

4. The Metropolitan Touch

  • Synopsis: Bertie Wooster attempts to assist his friend Tuppy Glossop in winning the affections of a girl, but their efforts lead to humorous failures. The tale emphasises the unpredictability of romantic pursuits and the importance of humour in facing rejection.
  • Best for: Individuals who have faced repeated romantic setbacks and need a reminder to find humour in the situation.
  • Quote to Recharge: “Chumps always make the best husbands. When all is said and done, someone has to sit opposite you at the breakfast table.”

5. The Delayed Exit of Claude and Eustace

  • Synopsis: Bertie’s cousins, Claude and Eustace, face romantic rejections but soon move on to new adventures, demonstrating the transient nature of such setbacks.
  • Best for: Individuals struggling to move past a recent rejection, needing encouragement to embrace new opportunities.
  • Quote to Recharge: “There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.”

6. The Inferiority Complex of Old Sippy

  • Synopsis: Sippy Sipperley, feeling inadequate after a romantic disappointment, rediscovers his confidence through writing, highlighting the therapeutic power of creative pursuits.
  • Best for: Those whose self-esteem has been affected by rejection, seeking to rebuild confidence through personal achievements.
  • Quote to Recharge: “The only cure for grey hair is the guillotine.”

7. Jeeves and the Yuletide Spirit

  • Synopsis: Bertie’s plans to win over a love interest during Christmas go awry, but he finds contentment in the festive spirit and companionship, suggesting that joy can be found beyond romantic pursuits.
  • Best for: Individuals feeling the sting of rejection during festive seasons, seeking solace in other aspects of life.
  • Quote to Recharge: “I had not the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself.”

8. A Damsel in Distress

  • Synopsis: In this delightful tale, George Bevan, a composer, falls for Maud Marshmoreton, only to find himself caught in a series of misunderstandings. Though initially rejected, George learns to take setbacks in his stride and remains steadfast in his pursuit of happiness. Eventually, owing to Maud’s strong dislike of obese gentlemen with triple chins, he scores.
  • Best for: Those grappling with misunderstandings in romantic pursuits, seeking encouragement to approach the situation with optimism.
  • Quote to Recharge: “She had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.”

9. Fate (from Young Men in Spats)

  • Synopsis: Freddie Widgeon, perpetually unlucky in love, faces yet another romantic disappointment. However, through a series of comedic events, he realises that life’s twists and turns often lead to unexpected joy.
  • Best for: Those feeling that rejection is a recurring pattern in their lives, needing a reminder that fate has its own plans.
  • Quote to Recharge: “It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.”

10. The Man Upstairs

  • Synopsis: Annette Brougham, an artist, initially rejects the advances of her upstairs neighbour, a struggling composer. Through shared interests and persistence, the story unfolds into a lesson about patience and timing in love.
  • Best for: Those who feel disheartened by initial rejections, reminding them that persistence, when respectful, can sometimes lead to success.
  • Quote to Recharge: “She had an eye that could open an oyster at sixty paces.”

11. Uncle Fred Flits By

  • Synopsis: In this tale, Uncle Fred intervenes in a romantic mix-up involving his nephew. The story is a whirlwind of wit and absurdity, showing how humour and boldness can transform awkward situations.
  • Best for: Those seeking to laugh at the absurdities of life and approach rejection with audacious humour.
  • Quote to Recharge: “Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant—better left unstirred.”

12. The Ordeal of Young Tuppy

  • Synopsis: Tuppy Glossop falls for the athletic Miss Dalgleish, a dog lover. To win over her affections, he endures a rough match of rugby football, only to discover that she had instead preferred to go to the city to check on a water spaniel. He returns to the fold of Angela, thereby fulfilling the wishes of Aunt Dahlia.
  • Best for: Those who have exaggerated their interests to impress a romantic interest, only to be caught in an uncomfortable situation.
  • Quote to Recharge: “The sky darkened, birds stopped singing in the trees, and a great hush seemed to fall upon nature as young Tuppy came to grips with his fate.”

13. Frozen Assets

  • Synopsis: Henry, convinced that his fiancé Kay is the love of his life, is devastated when she chooses Jerry Shoesmith over him. However, in a rare moment of self-awareness, he realises that her departure is a blessing in disguise. Instead of wallowing in sorrow, he gracefully moves on, content in the knowledge that an incompatible relationship has been averted.
  • Best for: Those who, in retrospect, recognise that rejection saved them from an ill-suited relationship.
  • Quote to Recharge: “He felt he had had an escape. He was a man who liked an orderly existence. Kay, whatever her superficial charms, was manifestly a girl who preferred her existences disorderly.”

14. Bingo Little: A Serial Romantic’s Journey

Synopsis: In his pre-nuptial phase, Bingo Little’s romantic escapades are nothing short of legendary. His affections shift between a waitress named Mabel, the formidable Honoria Glossop, revolutionary Charlotte Corday Rowbotham, and several others. However, after each failed affair, Bingo does not sulk—he simply realises that his latest flame was never meant to be, and his “true soulmate” is still out there waiting. Eventually, he finds lasting love with Rosie M. Banks, a romance novelist whose sentimental outlook aligns with his own.

Best for: Those who fall in love too quickly and end up subjecting many of those from the tribe of the delicately nurtured to bouts of rejection, can yet believe that fate would be kind to them and the best match could just be round the corner.

Quote to Recharge:

“Bingo, like so many of the population of the world, had had love in his life before and had thought each time that it was the real thing.”

15. The Juice of an Orange

Synopsis: Wilmot Mulliner is devastated when his beloved, Mabel, rejects him. Instead of rebounding gracefully, he takes solace in food—only to find himself plagued by indigestion. A doctor prescribes a strict diet of orange juice, and miraculously, this new regimen transforms not just his digestion but his entire personality. From a timid nodder, he evolves into a man who asserts himself, speaking up to authority and reclaiming control over his life.

Best for: Those who need a post-breakup confidence boost through a healthier diet.

Quote to Recharge:
“There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.”

16. Mr Potter Takes a Cure: An Engineered Rejection

Synopsis: Not all rejections are inflicted by the party of the other part; sometimes, they are cleverly orchestrated by the party of the first part itself. Bobbie Wickham, ever the mischief-maker, finds herself beset with Clifford Gandle, a member of Parliament. Her mother believes he would be a steadying influence on her and, thus, the right match. She concocts an elaborate scheme that leads her mother to believe that Clifford is eccentric, making her forbid Bobby to dream of marrying him.

Best for: Those looking for creative ways to shoo off imposed suitors without breaking hearts outright.

Quote to Recharge: “Bobbie is one of those girls you can’t say no to. And the trouble is, she knows it.”

17. Pongo Twistleton in “Uncle Fred in the Springtime”

Synopsis: Pongo Twistleton often finds himself ensnared in romantic entanglements thanks to his uncle’s schemes. In one instance, he is pursued by a woman who ultimately rejects him upon realising he is not as wealthy as she assumed. Pongo is secretly thrilled, as he has no real interest in the relationship.

Best for: Those who have ever been pursued for the wrong reasons, only to be freed by rejection.

Quote to Recharge: “There are few things in life so agreeable as being rejected by someone you had no intention of proposing to in the first place.”

18. Monty Bodkin in “Heavy Weather”

Synopsis: Monty Bodkin, a charming but somewhat directionless young man, is briefly involved with a woman who ultimately rejects him, deciding he lacks ambition. Rather than sulking, Monty rejoices—he had no desire for a life filled with excessive responsibilities anyway.

Best for: Those who prefer living on their own terms rather than meeting someone else’s expectations.

Quote to Recharge: “There is a certain serene joy in realising you have been spared from a lifetime of unnecessary hard work.”

19. Eustace Mulliner in “Open House”

Synopsis: The idea of his joining the British Embassy in Switzerland had never appealed to Eustace. However, he changed his mind when an argument arose between his girlfriend and his aunt as to who should whack him first with the heaviest parasol at hand. He went on to being awarded the Order of the Crimson Edelweiss, Third Class, with crossed cuckoo-clocks, carrying with it the right to yodel in the presence of the Vice-President.

Best for: Those who are flexible when it comes to making career choices.

Quote to Recharge: “Women, he knew, in moments of mental stress, are always apt to spray the blame a good deal.”

Wodehouse – A Breakup Guru

Well, of the many things that Wodehouse has taught us, one stands out. It is that rejection may not always be a tragedy, making one plumb new depths of despondency and wallow in self-pity. On the contrary, it is sometimes the universe handing you a lucky escape on a plate with a watercress around it. After all, who would not breathe easier knowing they have narrowly avoided drawing a father-in-law like Pop Bassett, whose disapproving stare could crack granite? Or a mother-in-law like Lady Wickham who could turn a casual conversation into an inquisition? Worse still, imagine being shackled for life to someone like Aunt Agatha, a woman with all the warmth of an overzealous prison warden.

So, the next time life hands you a romantic “no,” take a leaf out of Wodehouse’s world—laugh it off, see the humour in it, and move forward with the light-hearted wisdom of a true Wodehousean. Some escapes, as Bertie Wooster would tell you, are worth celebrating with a stiff w. and s., though, in his case, he is adequately supported in such matters by Jeeves.

Transforming Rejection into Resilience

The lessons gleaned from Wodehouse’s characters offer a roadmap for handling rejection with humour and grace, proving that resilience is not just about moving on or surviving – it is about thriving.

Rejection is as inevitable as the rising sun, but how we respond to it defines us. With the right perspective, even the most painful rejection can be an opportunity for growth, self-reflection, and, dare we say, humour. Some find solace in intellectual pursuits, others in sheer determination—but the key lies in embracing rejection as a moment of transformation rather than defeat. And nowhere is this lesson better embodied than in the resilience of great minds, from history to literature. And who better than P.G. Wodehouse to provide that shift? His characters, forever tumbling from one disaster to the next, show us that even rejection can be an art form—if approached with the right mix of wit and nonchalance.

And if rejection does rear its head again, do not let it be a tragedy. Down the road, when you look back at that experience, you might be thanking the universe for nudging you in a better direction in life. Picture yourself recounting the moment with all the theatrical flair of a Shakespearean soliloquy or the dry wit of a Wodehouse character. Turn it into an anecdote to laugh over with friends, one that garners chuckles rather than sympathy. Remember, life is far too short to dwell on the rejections of yesterday. As the ever-optimistic Bertie might say,

“A short while ago, the air was congested with V-shaped depressions, but now one looks north, south, east, and west and descries not a single cloud on the horizon – except the fact that Gussie’s wedding is still off, and that cannot be helped. Well, this should certainly teach us, should it not, never to repine, never to despair, never to allow the upper lip to unstiffen, but always to remember that, no matter how dark the skies may be, the sun is shining somewhere and will eventually come smiling through.”

How Wodehouse Can Help

Wodehouse is not just about dodging doomed engagements or bouncing back from rejection—he is the literary equivalent of a well-brewed cup of tea on a rainy day, served with some hors d’oeuvres dished out by Anatole. His words have a way of making life’s messiest moments feel like harmless inconveniences. In a world full of serious literature, Wodehouse reminds us that it is perfectly fine to laugh at ourselves.

Reading Wodehouse is an intellectual exercise wrapped in laughter. His clever wordplay and unexpected twists distract you from sadness and pull you into a world where the grandiosity of life’s troubles is reduced to a ‘well-being.’

The Fermat Analogy

Some people nurse heartbreak by drowning in sorrow; others tackle their misfortunes with distraction. There is a story about a man so devastated by a romantic rejection that he became obsessed with solving Fermat’s Last Theorem—and in doing so, forgot all about his heartbreak.

This is not unlike the effect of reading Wodehouse. Much like a mathematician tackling an impossible proof, a Wodehouse reader gets caught up in his intricate wordplay, precise comedic setups, and masterful use of logic and absurdity. By the time you have unravelled his sentences, the sadness has vanished, replaced by a deep appreciation for the precision of comedy.

Reading Wodehouse is, in many ways, like solving an elegant mathematical problem—it is structured, logical, and immensely satisfying. He sets up his premises like a scientist forming a hypothesis, leads us through an unexpected middle like an experiment gone amusingly wrong, and lands at a conclusion so inevitable yet surprising that it feels like Q.E.D.

Take, for instance, Wodehouse’s approach to comic miscommunication. His ability to create farcical situations often follows the patterns of logical paradoxes and probability problems, where each new event is an unintended consequence of the previous one, creating a feedback loop of hilarity.

One of the best examples of this is in Right Ho, Jeeves, where Bertie Wooster, in an attempt to help his friend Gussie Fink-Nottle confess his love to Madeline Bassett, inadvertently sets off a chain reaction of disasters. Bertie helps Gussie, a lifelong teetotaller, to consume alcohol for courage before proposing. However, Gussie overindulges, leading to an entirely unforeseen series of events—offending dinner guests, delivering an embarrassing speech, and mistakenly proposing to the wrong woman, Angela Travers.

This setup mirrors a logical paradox—where each action taken to resolve a problem only amplifies it, leading to an absurd yet inevitable conclusion. Just as mathematical paradoxes create seemingly contradictory truths, Wodehouse’s miscommunications turn simple conversations into elaborate webs of confusion, proving that even the most calculated plans can unravel in the most delightful ways.

If Fermat’s Last Theorem captivated mathematicians for centuries, Wodehouse’s writing does the same for the humourist’s mind. His works are a masterclass in comedic mechanics, sentence precision, and intricate plotting—qualities that should delight any scientist, mathematician, or logician who enjoys a perfectly constructed problem and its delightful resolution.

Whether you are a romantic or a rationalist, a mathematician, or a misfit, one thing is clear – losing yourself in Wodehouse is the best possible distraction from heartbreak.

A Song to End the Journey

Before we bid adieu, let us celebrate the spirit of resilience and light-heartedness—values that Wodehouse championed, and that life often demands of us. Rejection, as we have seen, is not the end of the story—it is merely a plot twist. What begins in sorrow can transform into joy with the right perspective.

As Ghalib reminds us of the sting of heartbreak, he also hints at better times ahead:

“Unke dekhe se jo aa jate hain munh pe raunaq,
Woh samajhte hain ke beemar ka haal achcha hain.”

(“My face is flushed with joy upon seeing my beloved,
Beloved mistakes my sickness to be a sign of good health.”)

Also, this philosophy is captured beautifully in a timeless Bollywood song from the Hindi movie Hum Dono (1961). In this film, the hero, a happy-go-lucky man, approaches his beloved’s father to ask for her hand in marriage. In his enthusiasm, he prioritises the meeting over an important job interview, hoping love will triumph. But reality strikes hard—the father, unimpressed, rejects him outright, citing his irresponsibility and lack of financial stability. Instead of despairing, the hero takes this rejection as a challenge and enlists in the army, proving that setbacks can be stepping stones.

The song Main Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya, written by the legendary lyricist Sahir Ludhianvi, composed by Jaidev, and sung by the inimitable Mohammad Rafi from the same film, seconds the opinion that setbacks can be stepping stones and that one must take them sportingly. It echoes the very essence of Wodehouse’s world—where setbacks are met with a smile, and where a light heart can weather any storm. It is a melody of acceptance, resilience, and moving forward with indefatigable enthusiasm.

As the lyrics remind us, life is best lived with a smile, a touch of humour, and an unwavering faith that brighter days always lie ahead.

References

  1. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/sep/07/man-demands-refund-after-unsuccessful-coffee-date
  2. https://www.bbc.com/lifestyle/articles-astrology-and-heartbreak
  3. https://www.teenvogue.com/story/teen-rejected-at-dance-personal-essay
  4. https://www.nytimes.com/modern-dating-ghosting
  5. https://www.buzzfeed.com/article-entitled-ex-boyfriend-viral-rejection-story
  6. https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/lifestyle/culture-based-breakups
  7. https://www.cnn.com/news/tragic-rejection-response
  8. https://medium.com/how-rejection-transformed-my-life
  9. https://www.huffpost.com/miscommunication-in-modern-dating
  10. https://www.psychologytoday.com/relationship-miscommunications

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What happens when you are made to feel like a celebrity, that too, someone of the stature of Shashi Kapoor, the role model of many amongst us who admire movies and theatre?

Well, you feel as if you are walking on cloud nine. You think you must have done something creative of a remarkably high order to deserve a treatment of that kind. Looking inward, you wonder if your limited supply of creative juices could have ever enabled you to dish out something juicy which could merit a recognition comparable to that of the famous actor-director.  

I confess that, unlike Shashi Kapoor, nature has not bestowed me with the kind of charming personality he had. Nor do I sport an impish smile. In fact, rare are the occasions when you would spot me smiling. As an honorary vice president of the International Society of Morons, you would find my shoulders stooping owing to the troubles of the entire world weighing on the slender frame. Smiling does not come easy to me.   

As to acting, my endeavours in that field have never met with any success, since I believe in what quite a few of our Indian scriptures preach, that is, to have an alignment between our manasa-vacha-karmana. In other words, to have a harmony between what we think, what we speak, and what we do. But in acting, one has to be exactly the opposite. One may be very sad internally but may have to do a comic scene in front of the camera. The biggest back-handed compliment I ever got in my life came once from a lady lawyer who was defending my employer’s case where I was supposed to face the firing squad as one of the witnesses. She advised me not to appear in the court, lest all the untruths proposed to be advanced by her in her arguments to help the company win the case may be rendered null and void. When it comes to theatre, the closest I have ever come to a stage is when the director of the play being staged thought that I was fit enough only to perform the function of drawing the curtains in and out.        

So, how did I feel getting treated like Shashi Kapoor by a worthy cousin of mine? Well, the credit for this goes entirely to her.   

The Cousin

Now, this cousin of mine happens to be a girl of medium height, with jute-white hair which remind one of freshly driven snow on the Himalayas. During her long sojourn on this planet, much rain has fallen into her life, but has failed to dampen her spirits. She maintains a cheery disposition.

I am not an expert about girls’ eyes but can vouch with confidence that hers are as shiny brown as a November sky when the sun has just completed its obligations to humanity for the day and is heading for a well-earned reprieve for the night. Her eyes are eyes that look straight and often challenge one. The gaze is occasionally intent, as if powered by a laser beam. At times, it could be a piercing gaze which expresses an icy anger, annoyance or contempt, possibly directed at her bitter half. It could also be one which conveys either a dumbstruck admiration and wonderment or a deep concern for the welfare of a fellow human being. When in a compassionate mood, the eyes could thaw to the light brown of the coast of the Mediterranean Sea, where it splashes about the coast of Monaco in Southern France. Even though her eyes do not thaw for everybody, they surely thaw for a cousin like me who comes visiting her lair once in a blue moon.

Having been a teacher in her working life, I am certain that she would have had a sound reputation as a tamer of lions and lionesses amongst her students, somewhat akin to that of Miss Tomlinson of Bertie Changes his Mind fame. But many of her students would have possibly loved her as well. On occasions, she might have been like Emerald Stoker. You know, one of those soothing, sympathetic girls you can take your troubles to, confident of having your hand held and your head patted, bringing some solace to the bruised soul.

Of Shashi Kapoor and the Business of Staring

A few decades back, this cousin tagged along with her illustrious husband who was then an editor of a premium Bollywood magazine to an interview with the famous star. He was late owing to a tight shooting schedule, leading to a long wait during which she noticed the dull and drab surroundings of a makeshift room in a studio. However, when the charming and radiant person came in, in a sharp contrast, the whole place lit up. Introductions were made but she was overawed, dumbstruck and tongue-tied to say anything. She simply sat soaking in the brilliance and charisma of Shashi Kapoor, staring at him with an unwavering eye. You know, the kind of steady stare Piggy and her friends kept giving Bertie Wooster when he was trying to address the girl students at the school near Brighton. When the interview got over, the star got up, turned to this cousin of mine, and quipped:

“Hope I look as good as I do on the screen?!”

Embarrassed, the cousin suddenly realized her folly – of having been so brazenly staring at him all the time!

Being Made to Feel Like Shashi Kapoor

Cut to the present. One of my habits is to go out for an evening walk. I believe it keeps the good old pump in a better shape. Also, it is never a bad idea to grasp the topography of the neighbourhood, exchange courteous nods with some other strollers who view me as a harmless creature and are open to making eye contact, besides, of course, trying to be pally with the dogs in the area. The last mentioned take a jaundiced view of strangers venturing into a territory on which they believe they have exclusive rights. Some would bark when they notice me, whereas others would simply treat me with dignified apathy. Some of them who suspect I could be offering them a morsel of some interest might even wag their tails tentatively. However, once they sense that I have nothing to offer, they follow one of the key principles propounded by the Bhagavad Gita, practice the art of detachment, and quietly melt away.

On a particular day, it so happened that the ambient temperature was more than 34 degrees Centigrade. By the time I got back home from my walk, I was a bit breathless. Rather than going straight back into my room, I simply turned the fan on and parked myself in the drawing room itself.

It was the work of a moment for my concerned cousin to swoop in. With deep lines of worry lining her face, she stood nearby, intently staring at me for quite some time. After some time, I gave her a sheepish smile, and teased her by saying:

“Nothing dramatic is happening. Not to worry. But do I look like Shashi Kapoor?!”

We both had a hearty laugh. But her piercing gaze cast at me then did make me feel like the star in question. It chuffed me no end. After all, one does not get to feel like a celebrity every other day.      

Of Sister Acts

In fact, looking back, I find that most sisters fuss over and pamper one no end. One look at the Anatole-ish spreads laid out on the dining table, and greed prevails over prudence. Concepts like diet control sound like the esoteric propositions of theoretical physics which appear to have no relationship to the reality around us.

I realize that sisters operate with a dash of motherliness which comforts and soothes one. An angelic disposition is surely their forte.

Right after this visit, I raided the home of another cousin. She and her husband also spared no effort in showing me around almost all the important places in their city. One could get a whiff of the history and the culture of both the places and even gorge on the exotic cuisines on offer.

The care and attention I received at both the places merely reaffirmed the importance of sisters in one’s life. Sisters are truly special.

Of course, Lord Emsworth, who is often found shuddering at the prospect of facing his sister, Lady Constance Keeble, may not concur with my views.

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Exploring the concept of Consciousness further, one may say that whereas a normal organization cares for Results alone, an organization steeped in Consciousnesswould provide an equal weight to all of its three ‘R’s – Results, Relationshipsand Righteousness – in its strategic and tactical thinking.

Results could be either of the financial kind, the market share kind, or a combination of the two.

Relationships would imply a positive working atmosphere where, besides harmonious relations, dissent is not suppressed; rather, it is encouraged. Following human values is an essential part of this attribute. So is respect and dignity towards people in general.

Righteousness would encompass such features as concern for sustainability, giving back to the society and running operations not only within the ambit of law but beyond it, wherever possible. Being pro-active, when it comes to corporate governance; taking care of the rights of the minority shareholders; ensuring that principles of…

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Interpersonal relationships happen to be a key factor in achieving success in aRelationship managerial career. Even otherwise, positive relationships boost our Happiness Quotient in life.

Here are few insights on relationships based on some well-known scientific principles.

FB and the Roentgen Effect

Never take a person at face value. Be ruthless in acting like a X-ray machine, Scientist Roentgenascertaining the inner motives of the party of the other part.

Create your own Facebook – a filtered version of the bosses, peers and subordinates you come across. Categorize them into, say, Close Friends, Friends, Acquaintances, Foes and those Vehemently Opposed to whatever you say or do. Deal with them at their respective wavelengths. You would vibe well.

Be sceptical of sudden unwarranted praise. A very tough project could be coming your way. The lynching mob could be sharpening its arsenal by the time you gleefully accept to drive a car all the…

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In the preceding post, we brought in focus the fact that the first step in the process of evolution is the act of creation of information, followed by the emergence of energy and matter. Their interaction creates the Cosmic Mind and the Cosmic Consciousness, which also comprises such other subsets as a human consciousness, or an animal’s consciousness, and the like.

Having explored different facets of Consciousness, we realize how woefully short our present methods of running businesses are when compared to the ideal situation we at the Conscious Enterprises Network (CEN) are aiming for.

Admittedly, there are silver linings to this dark cloud. These are in the form of several individuals and groups of people who are aware of this deficiency and wish to do something about it. Right from environmental activists to business groups which follow Plan B and aim for a triple-bottom surplus from operations, there are many disparate attempts to nudge others in the direction of a heightened consciousness. 

The Challenge

The challenge here is three-fold. One aspect is that of identifying and grooming leaders who vibrate at the same frequency, despite their operating in diverse fields of business. A bevy of leaders such as these would be like an orchestra which plays out a mellifluous piece of music even though the instruments are as diverse as a cello, a clarinet, a trumpet or a piano.

The second one is that of creating a leaderless movement so as to avoid getting into ego traps of any kind. One way to do so could be to develop a common Charter of Consciousness which is voluntarily agreed upon by those who wish to come on board. This is likely to promote a better degree of interconnectedness between like-minded organizations, thereby ensuring that the Consciousness Virus becomes the next thing to grab the attention of Homo sapiens.

The third one is to create a credible and transparent forum which would not only keep the flame alive but also facilitate an exchange of ideas, techniques and practices. The collective learning opportunity such a forum would generate can be readily imagined. The forum would comprise individuals/organizations which have already set the bar high by demonstrating that businesses can be run successfully based on a twin compass, a commercial one and a conscious one. 

Rewiring the Leaders

The task of inner rewiring of leaders can neither be abdicated nor delegated. Charity begins at home, as they say. The call for a transformation of this kind can only come from within. Unless this inner change takes place, those around cannot be expected to fall in line.  

Through the ages, our spiritual leaders have laid an emphasis on reengineering ourselves at the individual level. However, this does not get done by attending seminars and events; or, by reading up on the subject. These help us to receive good thoughts. But the challenge lies in applying these thoughts to our mundane lives, and then to act upon the same. The process at work here needs to follow the manasa-vaacha-karma process. In other words, the concept of Consciousness needs to seep into our thoughts, our words and then into our actions. It needs to become a way of living life; a way of being.

This is a long-term project, requiring tenacity and commitment.

Here are some tips which may help leaders achieve this objective:

  • Developing a circle of close friends and confidantes who happen to be virtuous souls; networking with like-minded persons/organizations on social media platforms.
  • Regular meditation, so as to remain connected with our inner selves.
  • Shifting our attention from ‘me’ to ‘we’; adopting a mindset of ‘I Am Something’ instead of ‘I Am Everything’.
  • As we proceed further, our Consciousness expands to a still higher dimension, where the qualities of generosity of heart, humility, compassion and kindness reach their epitome.
  • We start engaging with our people more effectively, capitalizing better on our human capital.

Spreading the Consciousness Virus

Technology, if deployed with a benign intention, could go a long way in assisting us to spread this virus far and wide. The intention needs to be that of serving and facilitating rather than controlling. Advances labeled as Industrial Revolution 4.0 can assist us in propelling ideas such as consciousness more efficiently and, hopefully, even effectively.

Herein lies the primary challenge. Technology can merely be a tool. It is necessary, but not sufficient. What it needs is for humanity to wake up to its spiritual obligations. Our civilization’s present state is that of abject hedonism. This has led to a vast majority amongst us who have become slaves to technology. We have become zombies for whom checking the latest update on our technical gizmo is the first as well as the last act of the day. Virtual relationships have become more important than real relationships.   

The endeavour needs to be that of creating a number of tribes and networks which propagate such thoughts and motivate people and organizations to start making a transition to a higher plane of consciousness.

Tribes which are created to achieve a common purpose and believe in the same set of values would readily collaborate with each other and bring about a synergy. Different tribes may be at different levels of enlightenment/consciousness but if the values and the goals are the same, better results would be imminent.

Technical tools like Artificial Intelligence can help us to keep inside a firewall of sorts, keeping us shielded from distractions which retard our spiritual awakening/progress – the realization of the ultimate reality, that we all are one. It could give us the deeper private space which we need to grow inwardly and to realize that one of the most pleasurable things in life is to give succor to those who need it.  

This is why at CEN we believe that conscious leadership starts with the awakening of a leader to what he/she really is. The journey has to begin with a single aspiration – that of being a knight in shining armour who rides his/her nimble steed of technology to rescue the triad of hapless damsels best described by Plato over two thousand years ago as Truth, Goodness and Beauty. All three are in serious trouble and could do with a daring act of rescue.

Dear reader, are you game? If so, let us look forward to a book by one of CEN’s co-founders, Dominique Conterno, which goes into further details of the concepts we have touched upon briefly in this series of posts!

(Inputs from Dominiuqe Conterno and Esther Robles, co-founders of Consciousness Enterprises Network (https://www.consciousenterprises.net) are gratefully acknowledged)

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Exploring the concept of Consciousness further, one may say that whereas a normal organisation cares for Results alone, an organisation steeped in Consciousness would provide equal weight to all of its three ‘R’s – Results, Relationships, and Righteousness – in its strategic and tactical thinking.

Results could be either of the financial kind, the market share kind, or a combination of the two.

Relationships would imply a positive working atmosphere where, besides harmonious relations, dissent is not suppressed; rather, it is encouraged. Following human values is an essential part of this attribute. So is respect and dignity towards people in general.  

Righteousness would encompass such features as concern for sustainability, giving back to the society and running operations not only within the ambit of law but beyond it, wherever possible. Being pro-active, when it comes to corporate governance; taking care of the rights of the minority shareholders; ensuring that principles of natural justice get followed; and, following values and ethics.

Yes, the precise definitions of each of these sets of attributes would vary depending not only upon the kind of business an organisation is in, but also on the kind of business environment it operates in.   

If each of these three dimensions of conscious organisations is taken into consideration, organisations which are committed to achieving a higher level of Consciousness could consider doing a self-assessment by using the kind of representation shown below:

Here is a scheme which can enable an organisation to rate itself against each of the attributes, on a scale of 1 (low) to 9 (high).

Conscious organisations which rate themselves very close to the (Relationships: 9, Results: 9, Righteousness: 9) position in the figure could pat themselves on the back and keep up the good work they are doing, inspiring others to follow suit.

The ones which are in the Aspirant (5, 5, 5) category are already on the right track and would do well to start firing at all the twelve cylinders and reach a higher level of Consciousness.

The majority of organisations we come across might fit into the Arsonist Achievers (9, 9, 1) slot. To them, both Results and Relationships count, though they could not care less when it comes to following the path of Righteousness. Such enterprises end up contributing to the kind of situation where we find that during 2020, for instance, humanity needed to be supported by the planetary resources which 1.7 Earths alone could provide. (https://www.footprintnetwork.org/2021/01/19/we-do-not-need-a-pandemic-to-movethedate)

The Bureaucratic ones (9, 1, 9) are bound in red tape, caring only for Relationships and Righteousness, with poor accountability for Results. Yes-persons rule. Sycophancy prevails. Service to the public goes for a toss.

Organisations in the Doomed category (9, 1, 1) prophesize caring only for Relationships, while neither producing Results nor caring for Righteousness. For example, some of the Bretton Woods and other institutions set up after World War II now appear to be out of sync with the global realities.     

Then we run into some Hollow ones (1, 1, 9) which profess to care only for the path of Righteousness but, in reality, are shams, pampering only to the ego of a self-styled guru heading a sect. Internal working conditions are akin to labour camps. The pomp and show of serving humanity is often more of a public relations exercise. 

We also have the Preachy ones (1, 9, 9), which care two hoots about Relationships but keep delivering results while making it appear as if they are also on the path of Righteousness. Their bluff is easily called because this unique feat cannot be achieved unless Relationships are given due importance in the scheme of things. Many political outfits that are steering their countries away from the core tenets of democracy and turning these into dictatorships would fall into this category. Political power surely comes their way but at a great cost to the socio-economic fabric of the nation.  

Most of us dread dealing with the Fly-By-Night (1, 9, 1) kinds, where Results alone count. Long-term survival is not the aim. Just keeping the head above the water remains the sole aim. Quite a few enterprises – mostly in the tiny and small sector – may fall into this category, simply because they can neither afford the luxury of Relationships and Righteousness nor do they consider it necessary to do so. Ponzi schemes and financial scams belong to this category.  

Then there are mafia organisations which are blissfully ignorant of any such niceties; these continue to chug along in an Unconscious manner. Our society shall surely be better off in their absence.

Within the three ‘R’s outlined here, there may appear to be a sort of gradation. To many of our embryonic start-ups, it may appear that only when a certain stage of stability has been attained can the business imagine paying attention to Relations and Righteousness. But habits, once formed, die hard. Such organisations run the risk of getting caught in a conceptual warp, evolving into pure money-spinning outfits, eventually landing either in the Fly-By-Night slot or in the Arsonist Achievers slot.

The Many Lenses of Viewing Consciousness

But this is merely one way of viewing the concept of Consciousness.

Over time, our scientists, philosophers, academicians, management honchos and spiritualists of all hues, sizes and shapes have attempted to define the same. Each of these presents a unique perspective and is worthy of consideration.

The final choice, of course, rests on our leaders. It could be based either on the nature of activity of an organization or on the leaders’ strategic vision.

The pandemic plaguing humanity since 2020 has yet again awakened us to the urgency of uplifting our state of Collective Consciousness and getting an injection of Vitamin Consciousness.

Note: Inputs from Dominique Conterno and Esther Robles, co-founders of Consciousness Enterprises Network (https://www.consciousenterprises.net), are gratefully acknowledged.

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What kind of desires would be found on the bucket list of a CEO? Perhaps due recognition, more power and pelf, special privileges, a fat expense account, rapid growth, ESOPs, a loyal and committed team comprising persons who happen to be competent in areas where she herself may be weaker, executing her business plans more effectively and efficiently, and the like.

In general, the Happiness Quotient of any professional could possibly be defined as follows: 

 HQ = [ { FD (t) / AD (t) } * f (IR, IG)]

Where HQ is Happiness Quotient, FD (t) is the number of fulfilled desires at a given point in time, AD (t) represents the sum total of all her desires at the same point in time. The notation f (IR, IG) suggests that HQ is directly proportional to her Inner Resilience and the Inner Glow of satisfaction she feels when a job is well done. A happier CEO could often be spotted in the recreation room, perfecting her aim at throwing darts!

It also follows that one’s level of happiness could be improved upon merely by enlarging the scope of FD; or, by reducing the spread of AD.

The former is a Western proposition, leading to crass commercialism. A heavy dose of advertising and public relations keeps the inner fires of desires burning brighter with each passing year, making it the classic case of our chasing an elusive rainbow in a desert. Corporates keep stoking these embers of desire and we keep falling prey to the same at regular intervals.

The latter proposition happens to be an Eastern construct. By keeping a check on one’s desires, one can attain a state of happiness. This calls for an inner awakening and a realization that one needs to outgrow one’s sensual gratification and consciously shepherd oneself to use one’s intellect and restrict the spread of desires one has. Or, to focus on desires which are either aligned with the values of the organization or which happen to be our needs.

Western experts had originally recommended Command and Control as a means to generate wealth and had gone on to imply that stark materialism is the way to seek peace and happiness. However, the Eastern approach is based on an inward blossoming, an inner growth and development which holds an inner glow of success superior to sensual gratification of an external nature. By proactively adopting a Conscious Capitalism approach, several businesses have already recognized the truth that they have a greater purpose, much beyond delivering value to their own stakeholders.

Conscious businesses have trusting, authentic, innovative and caring cultures that make working there a source of both personal growth and professional fulfilment. They endeavour to create financial, intellectual, social, cultural, emotional, spiritual, physical and ecological wealth for all their stakeholders.

An inward blossoming

Bhagavad Gita gives us a clue to be happy, and also to create happier working places. Consider this verse:

यदा संहरते चायं कूर्मोऽङ्गानीव सर्वश: |
इन्द्रियाणीन्द्रियार्थेभ्यस्तस्य प्रज्ञा प्रतिष्ठिता ||2.58||

One who is able to withdraw the senses from their objects, just as a tortoise withdraws its limbs into its shell, is established in steady wisdom.

What is being recommended here is not a suppression of desires but a voluntary renunciation of those desires which take us on a path of sensuous gratification, sans a higher purpose in our life and career.

In fact, this takes us back to the idea of living in the present; also, a ‘We and Us’ approach to problem solving than an ‘I and Me’ one.

In Robin S. Sharma’s famous book ‘The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari’, Julian says that goals and dreams for the future are very essential elements in every truly successful life. But he advises never to put off happiness for the sake of achievement; never to put off the things that are important for your well-being and satisfaction to a later time. ‘Today is the day to live fully…..never put off living!’ he says.

Bhagavad Gita reinforces this message as follows:

रागद्वेषवियुक्तैस्तु विषयानिन्द्रियैश्चरन् |
आत्मवश्यैर्विधेयात्मा प्रसादमधिगच्छति ||2.64||

But one who controls the mind, and is free from attachment and aversion, even while using the objects of the senses, attains peace.

A CEO who exercises self-control would eventually experience a sense of inner peace. She would patiently hear out a voice of dissent and use the feedback judiciously. She would see something positive happening and share it with others, without getting attached to it. She would smell a coup in the making and take appropriate steps to defuse the situation in an objective manner. She would praise in public but reprimand in private. She would taste either the sweetness of a resounding success or the sourness of a colossal failure but would neither become complacent nor reach a stage of despondence thereafter. She would sit back and redraw her business plans and put them in motion.

Some manifestations of Self-control

One manifestation of self-control would be the need to accord an equitable and honourable treatment to women at the work place. Just like a cashier who is caught with his hand in the till, often we find some powerful male executives wrecking the careers and lives of relatively vulnerable female team members. If this had indeed been the case, the recent #MeToo campaign would not have gained much currency.

Hormones are surely more powerful than hierarchy. But when such incidents happen and the managements decide to look the other way, or decide to be opaque about handling such issues, they end up causing severe damage to their brand equity.

On the contrary, when business houses like Tatas are majority-owned by trusts which do pioneering philanthropic work for the society, the money with them is truly held in trust, in the true spirit of detachment.

Consider this verse from the Bhagavad Gita:

विहाय कामान्य: सर्वान्पुमांश्चरति नि:स्पृह: |
निर्ममो निरहङ्कार: स शान्तिमधिगच्छति ||2.71||

That person, who gives up all material desires and lives free from a sense of greed, proprietorship, and egoism, attains perfect peace.

Creating happier working places

What with the advent of Industrial Revolution 4.0, many HR honchos these days can be found to be twiddling their thumbs, trying to figure out how to create happier working places even while maintaining a sense of discipline, decorum and decency. Happier people make organizations thrive and prosper.

Dr. Noelle Nelson, in her book ‘Make More Money by Making Your Employees Happy’, explains how progressive employers try to understand the pain points of their employees and then try to address the same. One of the several examples she quotes is that of when Paul O’Neil who took over the reins of ALCOA in 1987, the world’s leading producer of aluminium; O’Neil announced that his sole priority was to increase worker safety. This came as a shock to the company’s directors. O’Neil understood, however, that safety was a major concern for his workers. Over the next 13 years, employee productivity soared as accident rates decreased from roughly one per week per plant to some plants going years without an accident. When O’Neil stepped away just over a decade later, ALCOA’s annual income had grown 500%!

Being happy is possible when one is at peace with oneself and others. Attaining a state of harmony is imperative. Managements need to enable this. They need to provide the necessary tools to their people so as to facilitate an inner sense of peace and happiness.

What makes Starbucks a good employer? Perhaps, one of the factors which contributes towards its people being happy is the kind of training they receive to handle angry and unreasonable customers. This takes the negativity away from a potentially stressful situation, leaving space for a sense of peace and happiness to prevail within the front line staff.

People in organizations do not always look for more monetary rewards. They seek recognition. They relish a sense of fulfilment arising out of their contribution towards a greater goal. They value positive relationships with other team members. Harmony, peace and happiness comprise their inner goal.

(Related Post:

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2018/05/03/from-an-i-and-me-approach-to-a-we-and-us-one)

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Michael Angelo Painting Creation

I decide to get offended, you decide to stay aloof,

Who will then make us stay under the same roof?

 

A fissure today may well grow into a chasm tomorrow,

Who will fill it up with a wheel cart and a handbarrow?

 

I decide to remain silent, so do you remain quiet,

Which arrow will then pierce this void with its might?

 

If every small thing you were to take to your heart,

Who will then restore the warmth and play Cupid’s part?

 

I am unhappy at this gap, nor are you feeling nice,

Who will then take the initiative of breaking the ice?

 

I am not agreeable, to be amenable you do not bother,

Who will then have the magnanimity to pardon the other?

 

When our thoughts turn to the lovely memories of the past,

Who will lead us to an oasis of happiness in the sad desert vast?

 

I operate from within my huge silo of ego, so do you from yours,

Who will give us the courage to break open the shut doors?

 

Do you think we both shall live for all times to come?

Just look into each other’s eyes and keep mum?

 

Sipping together the elixir of joy that life is yet to pour,

One left behind not to repent when the other is no more?

 

Cross the point of zero gravity between us,

Be like twin stars in each other’s orbit without much fuss?

 

Life gave us the walls of caste, creed, sex, nationality, income and wealth,

Let us break the walls of our egos and enjoy good companionship and health!

 

(Related Posts:

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2014/09/29/of-novelty-and-relationships

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/12/05/the-alpha-beta-and-gamma-of-interpersonal-relations

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2015/09/16/an-illusory-search-for-the-perfect-soul-mate-bollywood-style)

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Interpersonal relationships happen to be a key factor in achieving success in aRelationship managerial career. Even otherwise, positive relationships boost our Happiness Quotient in life.

Here are few insights on relationships based on some well-known scientific principles.

FB and the Roentgen Effect

Never take a person at face value. Be ruthless in acting like a X-ray machine, Scientist Roentgenascertaining the inner motives of the party of the other part.

Create your own Facebook – a filtered version of the bosses, peers and subordinates you come across. Categorize them into, say, Close Friends, Friends, Acquaintances, Foes and those Vehemently Opposed to whatever you say or do. Deal with them at their respective wavelengths. You would vibe well.

Be sceptical of sudden unwarranted praise. A very tough project could be coming your way. The lynching mob could be sharpening its arsenal by the time you gleefully accept to drive a car all the way to the Moon.

Relativity and Relationships

The longevity of a relationship is directly proportional to the match between the Frames of Reference of two individuals.

The closer the two persons or organizations in their shared values andScientist Albert_Einstein principles, the longer the relationship would last. The more complimentary their needs happen to be, the better the longevity of the relationship.

All teams work on this principle. With each member bringing a unique strength to the table, the team emerges stronger.

The speed of Time in Relationships

The more you like a person’s company, the higher the speed of time spent together.

The more you hate a person, the lesser the speed of time spent together.

Laws of Motion of Relationships

Newton was dead right when he said that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Hate a colleague. She would catch your negative vibes and return the same.Scientist IsaacNewton-1689

Be fond of a colleague and she could reciprocate the sentiment. Both of you could then produce some great results together.

The Optics of a Relationship

The way a relationship looks on the surface is often an optical illusion. Dive below the surface and you could be in for a surprise. Principles of reflection, refraction and diffusion work in the realm of relationships as well.

Take the case of a spouse. A perfect one cannot make us complete. He/she can only act as a mirror and help us in discovering ourselves and in becoming the right person.

The Orbit Effect

Those who happen to be Yes-men electrons with a negative charge can be readily seen orbiting around a boss who has a few protons of positivity up his sleeve and behaves like a pompous nucleus.

Once the nucleus gets hit by powerful rays of adversity, the Yes-men are forced to scurry for cover and look for another nucleus.

The Half-life of Relationships

Much like radioactive substances, almost all relationships suffer fromScientist Marie_Curie exponential decay. Constant emission of alpha particles of Anger, beta particles of Badmouthing and gamma rays of Greed lowers the warmth in a relationship.

At a personal level, infusing the relationship with innovative ideas often helps to arrest the trend.

In case of organizations, dealing with gifted high-performers can be a ticklish challenge. Prompt steps need to be taken to stem the rot. Job-rotation, job-enrichment, flexible working hours, higher level of empathy and engagement with the family members can be some of the techniques deployed by HR professionals to address this issue.

The Valency Factor

Two individuals whose Valency happens to be the same would intrinsically vibe well with each other. The compound they make together is bound to become a formidable team.

One risk here is that they could end up becoming a Mutual Appreciation Team,Gilbert_N_Lewis leading to lofty expectations and a self-belief which could be misleading in critical situations. Their bosses need to worry about this.

Another risk is of a more sinister nature. If one party is from amongst the tribe of the delicately nurtured and another from the so-called sterner sex, an amorous alliance could emerge. This could have even more serious implications if there is a hierarchical gap between the two individuals.

The boss has to then act like an anti-catalyst to defuse the reaction so the reputation as well as the work of the organization does not suffer.

The algorithm of Relationships

Relationships are a complex non-linear function of Expectations, Realizations and Time.

Expectations evolve over a period of time. If not matched with realizations in aSrinivasa_Ramanujan dynamic manner, deterioration in the quality of the relationship is bound to follow.

Having clawed your way up in an organization, do not expect to be treated the way you were treated the very first day when you walked in.

Do not rest on your laurels. Let successes not make you complacent.

The Warmth of a Relationship

The Coefficient of Warmth of any relationship is directly proportional to the love and trust put in to nurture the same; it is inversely proportional to the benefit expected in return.

Organizations which value their Brand Equity ensure they treat separations with kid gloves. An employee speaking well of her previous employer is a great asset to have. Here is a relationship which has a lingering warmth and sweetness.

Laws of Thermodynamics

Zero-th Law

If two persons/entities are in the equilibrium of a good relationship with aJosiah_Willard_Gibbs Thermodynamics third person/entity, it follows that they must be in a good relationship with each other as well.

First Law

The Law of Conservation of Energy applies. There is a limit to which you may work on improving a relationship. If the party of the other part fails to reciprocate, it is perhaps time to move on.

Second Law

Entropy or disorder is bound to increase in a relationship. The only way out is to keep cleansing your system of negative thoughts at regular intervals. Talking to the party of the other part about your areas of discomfort, and encouraging the other one to share her thoughts likewise alone helps.

The Botany of Relationships

Relationships happen to be like tender saplings. Given the right soil conditionsPlants relationships of our own character, regular exposure to the sunlit warmth of care, routine watering by the elixir of affection, and occasional nourishment by pleasant surprises, the plant grows. Its roots become stronger. Its branches and leaves provide the perfect shelter.

A relationship which is either not nurtured thus, or is planted on the soil of fear and necessity alone, tends to wither away over a period of time.

All these laws govern professional as well as personal relationships. Smart managers utilize these to grow in the organization they work for. They also deploy the same to keep the boss at home happy and grinning.

Post script

How about the relationship that we have with our own inner self? Do weTechnology MEDITATION-ENTREPRENEUR-SUCCEED under-rate ourselves? Or do we end up dominating those around us? When was the last time we patted ourselves on the back?

An introspection of this nature improves our inner resilience and reduces stress. Our dependence on others to determine our state of happiness comes down. Our chances of having positive interpersonal relations improve.

(Note: Published in New Race, the e-journal of Sri Aurobindo Centre for Advanced Research:

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When we visit a new place, everything looks sparkling and bright. As we zip through the streets,  the sign boards look shinier. The way side eateries appear to be serving items which smell much better than the ones in the place where we live.

Likewise, when we meet a new person whom we have liked at first sight, we get swayed. We look for matching vibrations. We look for a resonance in our thoughts. We try to find common interests. Everything about that person just sounds perfect at that point in time.

For most of us, the appetite for novelty is virtually inexhaustible. We are always seeking something new. Whether it is career or home, books or movies, clothes or food, we are eagerly looking forward to a change of scene. When our routine lives bog us down, we go off on a vacation. The wanderers and explorers within us ensure that our interest in our own lives is always alive and kicking.

In most relationships, we soon reach a pleateu of sorts. We start noticing warts. We start discovering the other person’s weaknesses. Much like the new place which starts looking jaded, the new relationship no longer holds us enamoured.

Boredom soon follows. The sheen of novelty gets completely worn off. It gets replaced by contempt. We start detesting the person. Traits which appealed to us some time back assume a negative hue. At times, one has to take a call whether to continue with the relationship. This is the time when we are likely to take a more balanced view of the relationship.

Life continues throwing challenges. These test the strength and the tenacity of the relationship. If we find that the other person has been faithful, frank and sacrificing, we realize his/her real value in our lives. If the overall contribution of the other person has been significant, we continue with the relationship.

We could also continue with a relationship based on either necessity or fear. But such bonds become vitiated over a period of time and the real joy of togetherness is lost. Love is not about keeping someone chained to us; it is more about letting go.

For any relationship to be truly healthy and sustainable, a degree of freedom for each one is a must.  The bond might imply exclusivity, but not of a kind which becomes suffocating for the other person. The respect we have for the wishes and likes of the other person needs to get reciprocated.

Relationships happen to be like tender saplings. Given the right soil conditions of our own character, regular exposure to the sunlit warmth of care, routine watering by the elixir of affection, and occasional nourishment by pleasant surprises, the plant grows. Its roots become stronger. Its branches and leaves provide the perfect shelter. A relationship which is not nurtured thus tends to wither away over a period of time.

How does one tackle relationships which have gone stale over a period of time? How does one reinvigorate them?

A brief period of separation helps. A surprise helps. Getting back spontaneity helps. Imagining the absence of the other person helps. A frank dialogue helps. A warm hug, or even a touch, helps. Putting ourselves in the shoes of the other person helps. Doing something together of mutual interest helps. Even enquiring about the progress of the other person’s pet project helps. Cutting down on cynicism helps.

The main challenge in keeping relationships healthy and vibrant is posed by the novelty we are always seeking. The good news is that novelty has many facets. An innovative approach can put the pep back into most of our relationships.

How do you overcome the challenge of novelty to keep your relationships charged? Would you like to share your recipe for attaining everlasting happiness in a relationship?

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