Going by the caption, I guess you imagine me to be a Casanova of sorts, with a bevy of beauties chasing me, eager to swamp me with their irresistible charms. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am a simpleton, in looks as well as in physique. If ever there was an Oscar awarded to people who excel in projecting a permanently-worried-and-constipated look on their not-so-handsome faces, I would have won it long time ago. God has not endowed me with the kind of exceptional grey matter that appeals to the fairer of our species. Even those with the most fertile imagination may not call me either bold or dashing. I am your average middle-class guy, leading an average life – a conformist to the core. Well, that about sums me up!
If so, which mistresses am I talking about? Well, my wife is of the firm belief that even if we both are tied in holy matrimony by virtue of having taken the seven sacred wows while rounding a ceremonial fire as per traditional Hindu rites, I do not pay her the kind of attention she deserves. She claims that I am always engaged in pursuing courtship with the other interests in my life, namely, my career, my profound love for books and my infatuation with such technical gizmos as laptops, smart-phones, internet-savvy television sets, et al. She claims that all these extra-marital affairs of mine deprive her of an exclusive access to my love and affection, increasing her sense of abandonment and isolation.
Career obviously takes the first priority for me, much to the exclusion of family and other interests. Having come up in life due to an excellent education provided for by my parents long time back, I am mortally afraid of jeopardizing my career growth prospects just because a Parent Teacher Meeting is scheduled for the very day on which an all important client meeting is due to take place. Or, taking leave for a day to show a movie to a bunch of giggly kids from my in-laws’ side who have suddenly decided to swoop down on us, taking our hospitality for granted.
If an assignment needs me to lead my team for up to 15 hours on most days, I feel I have to be physically present in office there to buck them up. But my better half could not disagree with me more. Invariably, I am held responsible for having “married” my job, as also the company I work for.
Another “marriage” I get blamed for is that of my fondness for reading and writing. Savoring my early morning cup of tea, accompanied by the latest edition of The Hindu, I often get lost in its thought-provoking editorials. This is a sight that makes her register a strong protest in no uncertain terms. I am supposed to help her instead in deciding the sari she is supposed to wear when some guests arrive for dinner that day, followed of course by a long list of provisions I have to shop for on my return from office.
Late at night, if I curl up in bed with my Kindle e-book reader, enjoying the escapades of Bertie Wooster trying to wriggle out of an impending walk down the aisle with a goofy female like Madeline Bassett, subtly assisted by the inimitable Jeeves, her priority would be to update me either with the misdemeanors of the maid servant during the day, or some gossip about the neighbor’s daughter.
On a lazy Sunday forenoon, if I am found composing a new article while sitting in front of my laptop, all hell would break loose. I shall either receive a sermon on the sacrosanct duties and responsibilities of a householder, or simply get asked if I can help her in locating her spectacles. My tenuous thought process having got disrupted thus, the creative juices would stop flowing, leading me to sigh in exasperation and grudgingly get back to the mundane affairs of life.
For a nationally acclaimed couch potato like me, it is easy for me to empathize with my wife when she thinks that the television set in the house is yet another mistress whose charms I find more alluring. When it comes to attracting my attention, it is definitely her arch-rival, especially if Amitabh Bacchhan’s baritone voice is wafting in the air, posing the next question to a participant in the quiz show “Kaun Banega Crorepati”.
Anyhow, let me confess that I enjoy such affairs with these mistresses only when my better-half is around, pottering about in the kitchen and running the household affairs as efficiently as only she can. The male of the species can surely pursue their “other interests”, but let them not take their wives for granted. Take a wife out of the scenario, and the charm of all the extra-marital affairs would simply evaporate!
ashokbhatia 