When the dark clouds of sorrow envelop us and Life makes us glum,
A brilliant ray of humour breaks through in the form of a narrative Plum;
The deep blues of despair and despondency get chased away,
Replaced by a warm glow of joy which holds us in its sway.
There is no problem which a brilliant Jeeves cannot solve,
Be it an intellectual girl friend or a scheming aunt with a goofy resolve;
When he shimmers in with one of his pick-me-ups on a tray,
Our hangovers evaporate, making us forget all shades of grey.
All his solutions are based on the psychology of the individual,
His approach to solving problems is often circuitous and gradual;
Breaking a few eggs to make an omelette is a sign of his maturity,
By ensuring his master never ties the knot, he enjoys job security.
With a pal like Bertie Wooster around, never to let us down,
He pleads the case of a tongue-tied lover, his face without a frown;
To bring together two hearts, he would even shove a kid into the lake,
The Code of the Woosters he follows, would do anything for a pal’s sake.
The pride of the Wooster clan is close to his heart, the feudal spirit intact,
For the sake of an aunt, restoring a stolen cat to its owner is part of a pact;
For the happiness of an uncle, thirty days without the option is no big deal,
At the end of which he merely aspires for a delectable Anatole meal.
The sporting spirit of Bingo Little keeps our spirits soaring,
His endeavours to touch the son’s Godfather for a tenner are endearing;
A knight in shining armour, he ensures Rosie gets her afternoon cup of tea,
For matrimonial nectar to pour in, he works as hard as a honey bee.
The generosity of Lord Emsworth is an example for all of us to follow,
A girl friend deserves to be treated lavishly, sans any hospitality hollow;
McAllister notwithstanding, the sanctity of the moss-covered yew alley is to be maintained,
For the Empress to feed well, thoughts of drawing a parson’s son as a niece’s life partner may be entertained.
Those who wish to unleash their animal spirits get great entrepreneurial advice,
The likes of Sally and Joan Valentine are there to inspire them at the throw of a dice;
Unless you speculate, you do not accumulate, is what Ukridge strongly recommends,
Those burning their houses to claim insurance get caught and need to make amends.
Psmith provides us many tips to survive and do well at our place of work,
Cultivating a Friendly Native is something from which he would never shirk;
Motivating an efficient deputy like Mike to do his bidding is a part of his plan,
Haunting the boss at his club or at public rallies he does with great suavity and elan.
Mr Mulliner gives us a sneak peek into the world of eccentric movie producers,
Of struggling starlets, dreamy script writers and subservient nodders;
Fighting a guerilla to win the affections of a lady love is the work of a moment,
When fed only on the juice of an orange, people go to war with their souls in torment.
Ashe Marson is there to provide tips to all those wanting to remain fit,
Larsen exercises, brisk walks and cold baths form a part of his wellness kit;
Troubles of the lining of the stomach unite those who are young at heart,
Forsaking the pleasures of the table and allowing Prudence to win over Greed is a worthy art.
Hapless rozzers watch with dismay as criminals are let off the hook by the Justices of Peace,
Members of the canine species restraining them from discharging their duties they catch with ease;
Ceaseless vigil is their motto, but they face the professional hazard of getting their helmets pinched,
They have their own methods of investigation, but their sinister ‘Ho’s and ‘Ha’s fail to get a matter clinched.
When judges look at us with a stern eye, dishing out a hefty fine of five bobs,
We think on our feet and give out an assumed name, sparing the family some sobs;
Supportive members of the delicately nurtured tribe rescue us from confinement,
The art of pinching umbrellas and silver cow-creamers surely needs some refinement.
Boy scouts out on their errands of mercy use paraffin to douse a chimney fire,
Would-be step-fathers not paying up protection money face consequences dire;
Rogue ones, when in love with Hollywood divas, start behaving angelically,
Priests need them around so as to be hotter on their jobs and to evolve spiritually.
Female lion-tamers appear in the form of a school headmistress,
A sharp reprimand on smoking in the shrubbery causes much distress;
Escapades to steal cookies are met with steely eyes and a stiff upper lip,
Getting six juicy ones on the soft spot is a chance we would like to give a slip.
Dogs gaze at us with soulful eyes, get led like a lamb with the whiff of aniseed,
Sleepy cats adore those who scratch them behind the ears whenever they need;
Young hippopotami wilt and retreat when faced with White Hunters duly armed,
Cabinet Ministers brave heavy rain, face an angry swan and return shaken but unharmed.
Touch any aspect of life and Plum would have covered it in one of his works,
They cast a spell, improve mental health, and protect us from life’s harsh jerks;
Some may label it escapism, others the portrayal of an era long since past,
Oh, what a pleasure it is to bask in the sunshine of Plumsville’s plains vast.
Each narrative embellished with the pristine language of the Queen,
Laced with lofty codes of conduct flouting which is no task mean;
Eccentric characters, delightful situations, unalloyed humour, sparkling wit,
Enough to earn us ridicule in public places but a great prescription for keeping fit.
His works carry life lessons which we can pick up and apply,
Amongst his characters, milk of human kindness is never in short supply;
On offer are sumptuous literary quotes and many a spiritual insight,
Keeping our passion for laughter and happiness alive and shining bright.
(This composition has also been translated into Italian language. Same can be accessed at http://www.ilcovile.it/scritti/COVILE_935_Wodehouse_2.pdf)
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Once you, or a loved one, have embarked upon the pleasures of Wodehouse, the seasonal gift giving possibilities are considerable. Likewise, a dash of Wodehouse can make the ideal gift for those poor souls of your acquaintance who have yet to read his healing prose. So here’s a timely guide to assist you (and anyone you might forward this to, as a gentle hint) with your seasonal gift-giving decisions.
If your intended recipient is…
ashokbhatia 